Caleb circled the parking lot again and growled softly under his breath. “This is freaking ridiculous, is every tourist in Italy at the grocery store today?” As soon as he tapped the brakes and eased the car to a stop, Rose unclipped her seatbelt and put her hand on the door. “I’ll be waiting, okay?”
“For me to get out?” She grinned over her shoulder. “Or for me to come back?”
“No, neither of those things.” He brushed his fingers down her arm. “For you to admit...” He snapped his mouth shut, cutting off what he’d been about to say.
“Admit what?”
“That you love me.”
Arrogant jerk.
“Say it.” He tried to twist in the seat, but the steering wheel prevented him from turning fully toward her. “Please, just say it, Say it. ‘I love you.’ If you feel it, it’s not that difficult. If you don’t, then tell me now, because I can’t—I need—damn it.” He thumped the palm of his hand on the wheel. “I need to hear you say it.”
I love you.
Last night the anticipation of seeing him again had kept her from sleeping. Those words had resounded inside her head. Today, awareness that if he knew how much she did love him meant he’d never walk away, even for his own safety, kept her from giving them a voice. She stared at him, unsure of what was the best thing to do. Both sides of herself warred. Did she love him enough to let him go? Yes, to keep him safely out of Janek’s grasp, she did. Her fingers went to the chain around her neck, and she took the comfort of knowing it was his, stealing a brief moment and buying herself time. “I can’t say it yet. I need time to think.”
“Time, you say?” Disappointment laced his voice. Caleb’s mouth pressed together. He made a nodding motion with his head as if he understood what she didn’t fully understand herself. “Why?”
“Because…”
Every moment he’s with me is dangerous for him. It costs him everything. He shouldn’t have to give up everything for me.
“I’m not sure yet.” She lied through her teeth, causing a sharp, breath-stealing ache in her chest. “I’m not sure how I feel yet.” She prayed he didn’t know she was lying. But given how he watched her, she thought he might.
“You’re thinking I’ve lost my mind? You are trying to protect me.” It was ridiculous and exhilarating that he could read her mind. His hand reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Do I understand you correctly?”
“No, it’s not that.” She wasn’t quite ready to admit he was correct yet. “I just want to consider it carefully, Caleb.” As much as she wanted to protect him from making a mistake, she hated the hurt in his voice and needed to soften it. The admission was ripped from deep inside her, from a place she’d locked away and refused to acknowledge for years. “For me, this time, there is no going back once I say it.” She wrapped her hand around his and squeezed lightly. “Let me think about it. I’m scared of my feelings—and yours.”
“Okay.” He leaned as close as he could within the confines of the seat and the steering wheel, peering into her eyes. “So tell me a bit later.” She saw the exact moment he flipped a switch in his head when his eyes softened. “Will you communicate it in writing, or will you tell me yourself?”
The relief that he was teasing her was almost overwhelming, and the pressure to make a decision immediately faded away. “Carrier pigeon.” She winked at him. “They’re two aisles over from the coffee. I better get moving. They only have two a day, and if they’re sold out, then you’ll have to wait until next week for your answer.” She didn’t give him time to respond but fumbled with the seatbelt when she got stuck in it, then the door, and escaped for the safety of the store.
33
Rose knew she’d been unfair. She could have answered him. She grabbed a basket and stepped onto the escalator. As it moved upward, the flash of a reflection in the window at the top made her pause.
Who is that?
But before she could fully make out the distorted figure, he moved to one side to allow a woman who was clearly in a hurry to pass him, and she lost the chance to figure it out. She took a giant step at the top. Someone had told her once that you could die by getting caught in the mechanism of an escalator. No matter how irrational it was, every single time she had to use one, she made sure her laces didn’t have an opportunity to slide between the grooves and capture her.
She turned left past the phone shop, and through the food court.
Maybe I’ll grab us a snack on the way out.
She was immediately annoyed with herself at the thought. If she was thinking ‘us’ instead of herself, then she’d already lost the battle to do the right thing. God would have to forgive her, because she didn’t want to do this thing called life without Caleb. Someone bumped into her when she stopped in her tracks.
“Scusa, Senora.”
She waved off the woman’s apologies. It wasn’t her fault that she caused a traffic jam. She forced one foot in front of the other. There had to be a way for them to be together safely.
Talk to Caleb.
That’s why he’s here.
If anyone knew more about figuring out how to stay alive and out of the clutches of a mad man, it has to be him… right?
Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of a stuffed toy, and changed direction to check it out.
