His brother gave him a mock salute, and Xander sighed. He knew this was the best path forward, but his heart screamed at him that it was going to be a lonely one.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX - HARPER
“Thanksforhelpingme!”Ella said. “I have to get these orders shipped today. I’ve been working non-stop on them, and they’re finally done.”
“They’re so pretty,” Harper said, fingering the silky fabric of a corset laid out on the table. “I’m happy to help. I’ve been a little bored lately.”
She carefully wrapped the corset, boxed it up, taped the box, applied the shipping label, and went on to the next one. Outside, they had a panoramic view of the rainy grey skies, but inside Ella’s cavernous living room, with the fire in the fireplace and the lights dimmed just right, it was warm and cozy. Though it was hard not to feel warm and happy being around Ella.
Ella used half of the great big space, with its wooden beams and sloped walls, as her workspace, where she handmade custom kink wear and corsets and donated the entire proceeds to charity.
After a little consideration, Harper had told Ella about the show and that she and Logan were living together. It felt good to be living in the open.
“I thought you would be busy rehearsing.Canada’s Best Dancer.That’s so exciting!” Ella said.
Harper flushed. It was weird to be open about things. But even with all the activity surrounding her preparation for the show, Harper had felt unsettled.
“I rehearse tomorrow. It’s a tight schedule, so it’s nice to have a break,” Harper said, moving over to the next order to be wrapped.
“What does Logan think about this?” Ella asked.
Harper frowned as she wrapped. Logan hadn’t said much. He had been helping a friend of his out at the indoor rock-climbing place, working out a lot. They had dinner together every night and the sex in the bedroom was great, but Logan didn’t seem to care when she left her dishes on the counter, or if she didn’t pick up her clothes. She forgot to study for the test she had with her course and got a low grade on it, and Logan had just smiled at her and said she would do better next time.
“He wants me to do what I want to do,” Harper said.
“Well, it’s nice to have his support,” Ella said, fixing a skirt on her dummy, so it fell just right.
“Yeah. And I love being with him.” Harper sighed. After everything she’d been through, she really couldn’t complain. But she missed Xander horribly and hadn’t thought life with Logan would be so predictable. She wanted more. But she knew he was under stress from Ed and SolCan and getting prepared to work there full time.
“It’s always been clear how he feels about you, Harper,” Ella said. “Living D/s twenty-four seven is a big change. Is it what you expected?”
“No.” Harper closed the box and stacked it on the other one, moving to the next piece to ship out. “I wanted more… structure? I don’t know.”
“Then you have to ask for it,” Ella said.
Harper sighed. Logan liked big gestures and exhibitions at the club, but Harper wondered if he wanted the day-to-day intimacies that she was craving.
“I thought I had,” Harper said. “I’ll try again.”
Ella smiled. “Communication or bust, as Zee says.”
Harper returned the smile. She wished she could have what Ella and Zee had, both of them in sync with each other, both of them meeting and being fulfilled by each other’s needs.
“This one will be ready in a moment we’re down to five more to box up. I couldn’t have done this without you, Harper,” Ella said.
“Yes, you could have, but you’re a good friend for inviting me over.”
“You seemed so sad on Tuesday. But give it time, Harper, and trust the people you love to make it right.” Ella squeezed her arm, and Harper smiled gratefully.
“It’s a change.” Harper felt the tears start at the corners of her eyes.
Ella hummed as she worked around her skirt, sewing quickly, and Harper focused on packing up the beautiful garments. She didn’t know how she was going to get through the days without Xander. Working for Axis Management gave her a purpose. It gave her drive and focus, and Xander’s demands kept her brain in the moment.
Since living with Logan, she’d begun having nightmares again. Logan held her, stroked her hair until she calmed down and she’d had two sessions with a psychiatrist, but that wasn’t how Xander would have handled it. Xander would have told her to write it out in her journal so she was ready for her appointment, then the next morning he would have given her a list of tasks, and though he would have made sure she was okay, he wouldn’t have mentioned what had happened in the middle of the night. Logan had told her to take it easy the next day at breakfast and then left her in the empty apartment to go take a meeting for SolCan.
She loved Logan. His attitude toward life was intoxicating, he loved having fun, and she felt safe with him. But with Xander, it was a different sort of safety she felt.
“I can use a coffee,” Ella said as she carefully took the skirt and garment off the dummy and laid it on the table. She smiled. “That’s good work, and I’m not up until midnight.”
