“Great. Felicia has been wonderful to me.”
“And who’s she to you? You just meet her off the street or something?”
I shake my head. “No. She was one of my teachers in grade school. I met up with her shortly after you and I met, and something just clicked. She offered me a place to stay and I never looked back.”
“Your folks…err…they ever find you?” he asks carefully.
“No.” I shake my head. “They never came looking, either, to my knowledge.”
His face pales, like he’s going to vomit, and his eyes are downcast. “Jesus Christ. I can’t even believe that.” He says, his tone apologetic. “Gosh, my mama comes looking for me if I’m ten minutes late coming home from school.”
“My mama did that, too.” I hesitate. “The difference is that your mama was happy to see you.”
He looks at me for a moment, searching my face, and there’s something in his eyes that I can’t decipher. Is it pity? Shame? Remorse? What? “Are you okay?” I ask him.
After a beat, he licks his lips. “That’s actually what I wanted to ask you.”
We lock eyes for a moment, and then my gaze goes to the table. “I am. Funny thing is I thought I always was. It wasn’t until I got out of that situation that I realized it wasn’t me that wasn’t okay, it was my folks, and the sooner I got away from them, the better it was for me.”
“Our minds are all different, see.” Gunner explains. “When my daddy passed, my mama didn’t deal well with it, and we had her in a hospital for a while. Turns out, she was better off around the people that loved her, and she was better for it. She just needed time is all. Maybe that’s all you need.”
“I’ve got everything I need, Gunner. I think all I ever needed was real love. And for the short time that realization came to me that maybe my folks didn’t love me, I had Felicia, and before that, for an even shorter time, I had you. You see, everyone has a purpose, so, as much as you can’t figure out why I was in your life, I think it was more why you were in my life. What we had was a gift. So don’t ever feel like it wasn’t.”
He looks at me warmly. “I feel like you just thanked me or something.”
“I did.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, you’re welcome.” He gives my hand a squeeze.
“I’m sorry I left without a trace, Gunner. And you have every right to have been angry. I would have been, too.”
“I was angry.” He admits carefully. “And up until I found out the truth, I was still angry.” A pause. “But all the same, I’m sorry. Sorry for what happened to you. Sorry for not trying to find you. And sorry for…following you around the last few weeks, being a goddamn coward.”
We look at each other and smile softly. It feels like we’re two different people. And I guess we are. It’s been over a year since we were together. Even then it was a stitch in time. Sometimes I wonder if what we had was even real it seems so long ago. But it was. What we had was more real than anything I’ve ever had with anyone else. Nobody has ever told me that they loved me. Gunner is the only one. My folks used to allude to it, but even then, it was through a sour expression, as though in denial.
He changes the subject. “When are you getting a car?”
I draw in a deep breath and let it out. “Soon. I’ve got a couple thousand saved up so far. Felicia’s car barely works, and she’s so busy with the school and with volunteering here and there, I’ve learned to memorize the bus schedule, anyway.”
“You shouldn’t be riding the bus that late at night.” He advises.
“I couldn’t get a class during the day. There wasn’t much choice.”
“I hear ya. But all the same. That bus stop isn’t safe. Too many blind spots, and you need to pay attention when you’re walking, keep your nose out of the books, you know.”
I didn’t realize how much he has been watching me. Maybe he really does still care about me. It’s funny how we all have little guardian angels tucked away sometimes. I just didn’t know he was mine. “I’ll try to remember that.”
He tilts his head, staring off into the distance. “Since I’m taking a night course, too, how about I give you a lift home?”
“I really don’t want to put you out, Gunner. I’m sure that Felicia’s house isn’t on your way home.”
“So what. I wouldn’t offer if I minded doing it. At least this way Felicia won’t worry about you getting home safely. I’m sure she’s got her hands full.”
We’re silent for a minute.
“Look, we can be friends, right?” he blurts softly.
“I don’t see why not.” A pause. “I mean, what happened that led to our parting, was something unforeseen and unavoidable. But I think that based on this conversation, we can get past it.”
