“What the fuck!? She was only a girl!”
“Yeah, I know.” My wolf thrashed with fury, and I had to take a few deep breaths and wrestle him before he submitted to my control. I blew out a breath and steeled myself for the next part. “Vilderon was working with Doherty to keep me in that prison, but they made a deal that stopped me from getting killed. I guess that’s why I spent more time in the pleasure rooms than in the fight rings.” I shuddered at the memories of that time, forcing them away. It had been a dark time for all of us. “When Shannon was a teenager, Doherty sold her to my father for one night. Shan fought to stop my father touching her because she was scared of him. Doherty punished her for fighting back. He threw her in that holding cell where we met. He starved her until she was weak and unable to fight, before taking her home, then sat and watched as my father hurt and raped her.” I took another long, slow breath, but nothing could stop the rage in my soul at what both of them had done. I let loose at the sky, my emotions as stormy and wild as the weather.
“Calm, brother…” Connor’s wolf looked out through his eyes; this time, he had a handle on his rage, and his wolf sought to soothe mine.
It took an iron grip on my fury before I was in control enough to continue. I nodded, retracting my claws. “I’ve got it.”
Connor grunted and stepped back.
“Vilderon was working with that fucker, Holt, and the Mades. He’d sent Holt to watch me as soon as his spies told him I was in the Winter Palace. He stupidly thought he could broker a deal with the dark Fae, using me as a bargaining chip, and then take over the borderlands, gain an army and threaten the crown. His behaviour was treasonous. Once he got his hands on Shannon in Faery, she remembered his face and it brought all that shit back. That fucker! He recognised her, and there was nothing I could do to stop him from using compulsion on her. He had never forgotten her name. Damnit, he took control of her mind andused her again because of me. I can’t even imagine how scared she was to be back in that position, with him touching her and threatening more.” Bile burned my throat. “He did it because he wanted to control me. It was my fault. If I hadn’t been so arrogant as to believe he’d never find me, she would never have been put in that position again. And because I’m so fucking weak, I had no way to get her out until you arrived to save our arses. It’s made me realise how right she was not to completely trust me.” I started pacing, my fingers curling and uncurling. “The cottage was one thing, but I should never have taken her to that damned village. It was stupid. And then to go and leave her alone and unprotected? She was my motherfucking responsibility! Why did I do that?” My pacing sped up as my agitation grew. “I couldn't protect her from Holt either, and then when she’s injured and truly needs me, I was useless. I lost control and had to leave her alone and vulnerable when she needed me the most.” I tipped my head back, my nostrils flaring.
“So why did you do any of it?” The question wasn’t accusatory, merely curious.
My hands fisted again. I really wanted to hit something. But that kind of physical release from my anger was only temporary. I’d been asking myself that same damned question from the moment I’d seen Vilderon’s hands on my Butterfly.
I’ll get her to take my cock out and suck it in front of everyone…
I faced the wildly churning waves, almost wishing one would wash me away and drown the shame in my heart. “I have no fucking idea.”
A heavy hand landed on my shoulder. “Listen, I don’t know much about your dynamics with Shannon, but I do know you. And as powerful and dominant as you are with the rest of the world, you’ve always been different with her. She’s not an Alpha; you know that as well as I do. She tried so hard to fit in, andthough she was a good warrior, the kind of violence we deal with—I think it broke her. That’s on me, not you. I am her king. I should have pulled her from duty years ago, but I didn’t want to take away the one thing that seemed to give her purpose. I left it longer than I should have. Fuck, I thought I’d have to put her down for the shit she pulled. And I really didn’t want to do that. She’s as much my family as you are, and I knew you were the only person who could bring her back.” His hands squeezed my shoulders. “You did, Stone. She’s alive because of you. And there’s no fucking way she’d have stayed by your side in Faery if she didn’t trust you. She’s resourceful enough that no matter where you locked her up, she’d have found a way out.”
A smile curved one side of his mouth. “And if I know you, and I do, I’d hazard a guess that you took her to that cottage to share a piece of your past with her. Maybe because it was one of the happiest parts of it. She’ll understand that. I’d also guess that you left her in the village to show heryoutrustedher, and to give her some independence back.” He gave me a smug grin and crossed his arms. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but we both know I’m not. I think you left her to go hunting and prove you could provide for her like a worthy mate should. Am I right?”
I nodded, too choked up by my friend's assessment and absolute understanding of me to speak.
“Those aren’t the actions of a male who can’t be trusted, Stone. You were doing what was best for her. Everything that happened was on your father and your sister. Don’t for one fucking moment more blame yourself for their actions.”
I hung my head, unable to look at my friend, emotion overwhelming me as grief for my mother, even my sister, hit me. Yes, my father had broken them, but I’d abandoned them. I’d always thought I’d see my mother again, but knowing she was immortal had made me complacent. I’d seen death rear its uglyhead so often I should have known better, and it was eating me up that I hadn’t made the effort to check in with them.
Connor stood before me and shook his head like he could hear my thoughts. “Vilderon would have tortured them even if you’d stayed. He wanted to control you and the power you have. He wanted to own you. The only way to do that was through your name.”
“I know.” My gaze was trained over his shoulder, watching the white crests of the waves curl. I couldn’t look at him without him seeing the guilt written all over my face. Even though I knew he was right, it didn’t change how I felt. Not when I remembered my mother’s smiles and Airling’s sweet giggle as I spun her in my arms when she was a little girl.
Connor rumbled again, stirring my wolf. “Look at me, brother.” A pulse of power made it clear I had no choice. His gaze was full of understanding. He’d had his own demons to conquer and knew better than most what guilt could do. “This is not your fault. Any of it. Your actions did not dictate Vilderon’s. Nor did you do anything that made Holt hurt Shannon. And your mating frenzy? Man, that’s a normal reaction to everything that happened. Now, you must forgive yourself, and then we get you to Shannon as soon as she’s well.”
I nodded, my eyes stinging as he pulled me in for a hug, repeating his words. “It’s not your fault. None of it.”
I tried hard to believe him, but whether I did or didn’t, there was a void of emptiness in my soul that wouldn’t stop spreading until I faced my mate. I was an Alpha, and there was no way I’d let her go without a fight, but ultimately the choice was hers. I’d never win her back if I forced her into anything. That was the kind of shifter behaviour we were trying to eradicate. If I had to spend months, even years, regaining her trust, then that’s what I’d do.
Chapter 31
Stone
Dust motes floated in the sunbeams that slashed through the cool interior of the cottage. A pan clattered down on the stove, and the smell of roast chicken teased my nose and taste buds. Yet my stomach turned. I couldn’t face eating. Not when I was still waiting.
“Sit down, Stone. You’ll see her soon.”
Swallowing back my snarl was hard, but there was no way I’d respond that way to Finchley. Not least because I’d discovered over the past three days that her magic stung like a bitch when it slapped me upside my head and burned away strips of my hair. Even my eyebrows hadn’t survived the first day. Not that I blamed her. My wolf had been riding me so high when Ventry had brought us back here that I’d deserved every bit of discomfort my friends and Finchley had delivered as I raged and paced and fought to leave this cottage. Over the last day, my wolf had gone from a raging lunatic, determined once again to reach his mate, to a despondent soul that sucked all the joy from me and left me feeling empty and lost. It meant I suffered fewerbroken bones and bruises from fighting Connor and Ventry, but it was no less painful.
Finchley’s cocked head and the warning glint in her eyes made my mind up for me. I nodded once and sat my arse down opposite Connor, propping my elbows on the thick table top. He smirked and raised a brow. With his arms crossed and legs outstretched, he looked the picture of relaxation. I knew from experience he wasn’t. He was a controlled apex predator with a relaxed veneer who wasn’t about to let me hurt anyone, including my mate.
“Oh, piss off, brother. Finchley’s far scarier than you are.” I ran a finger over one of my half-regrown eyebrows.
Finchley giggled at my grumble before plonking a cup of steaming peach tea in front of me and Connor. I vaguely remembered Ventry had brought it with him yesterday, along with more food and news that Shannon was almost back to full strength.
“I am, and you’d do well to remember that. Both of you.” She winked at Connor, who grinned.
“Wouldn’t dream of crossing you,” he said, eyeing the tea with distaste and no small amount of suspicion.
