There was nothing else I wanted. The Vilderon house had never really felt like home. There were very few happy memories from that time of my life, and I would keep the few I held of my mother and sister safe. After Gwen's death and the nightmare ofthe prison, home had become wherever Connor and my brothers settled...until recently. Now, it was by Shannon’s side, wherever she was.
Except I wasn’t by her side. I was here, literally a world away.
A growl from my wolf made me snort. He wanted to fight those who kept us here and run to find our mate. His perception of portals and world travel was lacking, to say the least.
Both Connor and Ventry had watched me like hawks in case I lost my shit again. They needn’t have worried. Without Shannon’s presence, I was calm enough to control my wolf, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Yet I also knew they’d been right to haul me away. If my control deserted me when she was anything less than fully healed, I’d hurt her more, and I’d never be able to live with myself.
Anxiety twisted my chest. Shannon’s injuries from Holt were slow to heal, but Vent had spoken to Walker a few days ago. The Fae king's expression had shut down at the mention of Holt but he had reassured us that Shannon would fully heal.
After a few days where I hadn’t lost control, Vent had returned to Faery. Connor had kept me occupied with updates on the Blood Lust virus and the vampire war, yet as important as that was, I just couldn’t give a shit. What had seemed important before no longer mattered. My stomach was constantly tied in tight knots, and I wasn’t able to relax or sleep properly, the constant need to go to Shannon eating away at me. Connor and Owen sparred with me every night; even my other brothers had joined in until I was so exhausted I couldn’t continue. Yet, not even that exhaustion stopped the anxiety and shame at being forced to desert her because of my own lack of control.
My skin constantly itched with impatience to get to Shannon, but my heart ached at the thought that she might reject me. Maybe she’d decide she was better off without me, an Alphawho hadn’t protected her and, worse, had deserted her when she needed me, all because I couldn’t control my urges.
I expelled a heavy breath, the cloud it formed quickly blowing away on the icy, salt-laced wind. It had been four weeks for me, yet only days for Shannon in Faery. Those weeks had been so empty and lonely that I’d felt more adrift than ever. Even the grief of Gwen's death hadn’t left me feeling so hopeless or lost.
“You’ll see her soon.”
I tensed and spun, my boots twisting down into the wet sand. An immediate scowl scrunched my face when I saw Connor’s smirk. He’d snuck up on me, and he knew it. “I know. But I’m not sure it will go how I want it to.”
His big shoulders rose and fell under the bulk of his all weather-coat. Though we didn’t need them as much as humans, he spared no expense, ensuring his whole pack was kitted out with the best clothes for the harsh Scottish weather.
“Why not?”
Connor’s quiet question had my gut twisting. Talking about my failures as a mate was the last thing I wanted to do, not when he’d given me the job of getting her well and protecting her. I rubbed a hand through my saturated hair.
“I let her down, Con. She was so fucked up when we got to Faery I didn’t even know if she’d survive, let alone be strong enough to fight her demons. But she did.”
Silence fell. Connor said nothing as the rain, sea spray, and wind battered us. He just stared out to sea, giving me time to formulate my thoughts. He wouldn’t push. It wasn’t his way. But he also knew I’d want the right words to help him understand. I swallowed. I had his blood and power in my veins, which meant we were family. I huffed at that word. We were a whole shitload closer than I’d ever been to my family. I wiped a hand down my face, removing the salty drops of sea spray.
“When she was strong enough, I took her to the home I’d shared with Gwen.” Memories of the dell hit me, making my throat so tight I couldn’t speak. But my brain didn’t stop there. No, it reminded me of everything that had been so fucking perfect. Like waking up each morning with her in my arms, seeing her smile when it had been missing for so many years, driving her mad with my hands and my mouth. Her scent, the feel of her skin under my fingers, and her soft, sweet mouth. All those memories destroyed me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, my eyes burning, and thank fuck I could excuse the dampness in my eyes as the spray from the sea.
Connor rumbled, sensing my emotions, but didn’t speak.
I coughed, clearing the thickness in my throat. Nothing would end the pain in my chest except being by Shannon’s side again. Shit, who knew falling in love with my beautiful mate and then being forced to leave her, even temporarily, would be a hundred times more painful than anything else I’d ever been through.
“We fell in love.” There. I’d admitted it to my friend, even if the wind carried my words away. Somehow, telling Connor made these feelings inside me even more real. Telling him made me feel vulnerable yet also strong. I wouldn’t ever love another. Shannon was it for me.
“Fuck, man, you’ve loved her for years. Ever since she was thrown into that damned prison by that wanker, Doherty. I’d hoped sending you away together would be a good thing, that Shannon would survive because you wouldn’t allow her to die. I wanted to give you a chance to be with your soul mate. I never thought for even a minute you’d fall even further in love and then have to suffer through your fucking family kidnapping her and blackmailing you. I’d have ordered you home if I’d known it was so dangerous.”
My shoulders slumped, shame weighing me down. “She didn’t trust me enough to mate with me, Con, and I understood, I really did. But I thought we’d work together, and she’d see she could trust me with even more than the mating bond, with herlife. But that fucker Doherty destroyed her. He should have been the one person in her life she could trust, yet he took her freedom and control of her life years before she was in that prison, and it all kinds of fucked her up.” I glanced at him, and though I could trust Connor with my life, I needed reassurance for Shannon’s sake. “This goes nowhere else? Not even to Ember. This is Shannon’s story to share with whoever she thinks needs to know.”
Connor nodded gravely. “Of course not.”
I nodded. I didn’t share Shannon’s past lightly, but maybe if Connor understood, he would be more lenient, or at least more supportive, if she relapsed in the future, especially if I wasn’t around.
“Doherty abused her, Con. He destroyed her sense of self-worth, and then he bargained with her body and used her for his friends’ entertainment. ”
Connor growled almost vibrating with the fury pouring off him. “Shit, I never knew. That’s why she refused to become a member of a pack in the prison? She didn’t want an Alpha to have power over her?”
I nodded.
Connor’s wolf shone in his gaze. “Fuck, I wish I could bring him back just so I could rip his head off again.”
“Yeah, me too. But that’s not the end of it.”
Connor’s eyes glowed as the beast beneath his skin became agitated. “Shit. When did this all start?”
“Just after Ava left home and you weren’t around any more.”
