There was a beat of silence, and whether it was a conscious act or not, she tightened her grip on my shirt, her fingernails scraping my back. I had an inkling of what she was going to saynext, but no matter how I prepared myself or locked down my feelings, her words tore my heart out.
“After Ava left home, my father changed. It was like he switched from being this workaholic dad who never saw his children to one who scrutinised everything I did. He started spending more time at home, always pushing me, telling me I wasn’t doing well enough at school or in my SBI agent cadet training. Every meal I cooked was rubbish, or the house wasn’t tidy enough. After about six months, he started commenting on my clothes, telling me I was ugly and I needed to dress in a more grown-up way. That I should learn how to use my body to manipulate people since I wasn’t clever enough to succeed any other way. I had no idea what he was talking about…” She took a deep shaking breath. “...until my fifteenth birthday when my father sold me to his business associates and friends. My virginity went to the highest bidder.” She coughed to clear her throat. “After that night, I was the entertainment any time they came to the house. ”
Abrupt, white-hot fury ripped through every cell in my body, but with a tremendous amount of effort, I slammed up a barrier on my wolf. Sensing her distress, he wanted to burst free and rage at the world, but my reaction now would either encourage my Butterfly to talk or shut down forever, especially if she thought I was judging her.
“That doesn’t make you disgusting, Shan, only them.” I tried to remember what Connor had said about when Ava had left home, leaving Shannon behind with her father. I had to concentrate on not tensing up or giving her any inkling of how fucking angry I was. That was the last thing she needed. I hugged her tightly, rubbing circles on her back. “That situation was none of your doing.” I leaned her back and looked directly into her wet, shining eyes. “It wasn’t your fault, none of it was.”
Her gaze dropped to my shirt, and she reached out, fiddling with my button. “But I let it happen.”
“What could you have done to stop them?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I fought one of them once. I left marks on his face. My father punished me. He didn’t beat me because he didn’t want to leave marks that the SBI academy would see, so he locked me in a cell somewhere, in a prison in the woods. There was no light in that place. Only a tiny little window high up on one wall. He left me there.” She swallowed hard. “Ignored me for days and days while his men brought shifters in and out. It was so cold, and there were always moans and crying. It was….”
Her shudder was violent, telling me in more than words how fucked up it had been and that it still affected her. It sounded like the place where I’d been locked up after Gwen had been killed. It was a holding prison, somewhere Doherty had taken his captives before moving us to the main prison in Canada. It was where I’d met Connor for the first time. But telling her that would serve no purpose.
“There was no toilet, not even a bucket. He didn’t give me any food and only one cup of water, which he said had to last me. I had no idea how long I was going to be locked up, so I didn’t drink it. I just used it to wet my mouth. I think it was three days before he fetched me out and took me home. I was so thirsty…” She blinked her eyes rapidly. “So weak I could barely stand.” I watched her throat work and held onto my fury by a thread. “When we got home, he dragged me into the shower. The guy who I’d fought was waiting in my room when I managed to crawl out. I remember being so scared. I knew he was there to hurt me. I didn’t know what he’d do, but I could tell he wasn’t human, that he was… something else.”
Her face was hot against my fingers as I stroked her cheek. “What was he?”
“I-I don’t know…Fae, maybe. He was stupidly handsome but evil as all hell. My father sat in my room and fucking watched, the pervert. He let him do whatever he wanted, and I didn’t want to end up back in that prison, so I let him.”
Tears streamed down her face. I didn’t try and stop her sobs or give her false reassurance. This abuse had ruined her life and sense of self-worth, and her pain needed to come out.
I stretched my neck, my muscles cracking as I attempted to ease the tension in my shoulders. Silently, I vowed to hunt down the fucker who’d hurt her. Me, Connor, Owen, and the rest of our brothers had killed many of the powerful people who’d taken advantage of the shifters in that prison, but we’d never found everyone who’d taken part in the fight nights and entertainment rooms. I doubted we ever would. It didn’t stop me from wanting to go right into Hell and shred her father’s spirit apart for his cruelty. That raping fucker, though? If he was Fae, I’d find him and rip him limb from limb. Or maybe I’d let Shannon do that, purge her demons that way.
Her trembles and sobs eventually settled, but it took a while for her harsh inhales of breath to calm. I didn’t say anything. I merely held her, rubbing her back and kissing her head.
“Why? Why was he so cruel to me?” she asked in a broken whisper. “I was his daughter….”
More moisture fell on my shirt, but that was the last thing I gave a shit about. I just wanted her pain to ease. “I don’t know, sweetheart. He was evil down to his dark soul.”
“I hope he’s suffering in Hell.”
So did I. “Did he ever hurt Ava like that?”
Her head shook. “I don’t think so. Connor was always around after they got together in their teens. It was only after she left and Connor didn’t come around anymore that Dad told me how much of a disappointment I was….I tried to be better; I aced my classes, came in at the top in the Supernatural Bureau cadettraining, learnt to cook so he always had dinner waiting when he got home, and I even cleaned the house top to bottom every day.”
“And it was never enough.” It was a statement, not a question. “Because he wanted you to believe you were weak, not good enough for anyone else. He wanted you to be rivals with other girls and to alienate yourself by attacking your peers rather than making friends. He wanted you isolated and alone. And I’m guessing you were.”
She nodded. “I was. I was such a bitch to everyone, especially Ember. By the time I met her, my dad had been pulling that manipulative shit on me for years. Ember was this street kid who suddenly had everything I wanted; a doting family that loved her….” She paused and met my eyes. It was good to see a bit of defensiveness, or perhaps it was defiance in her gaze. It shone through her sadness and shame like a beacon. “It didn’t help that I had a massive crush on Connor. I saw how he’d looked at Ava years earlier, and I wanted that kind of adoration, especially on my darkest days. When I thought Ava was dead, I convinced myself it was me he’d always loved, not the ghost that was my sister. As I got older and more jealous of Ember, I wanted to hurt her for having adoptive parents who loved her and for taking even a moment of Connor’s attention from me when I had worked so hard for it. I thought if I could win him, he’d take me away from my father and the perverted fuckers who expected me to be available to them whenever they wanted.”
She sighed and slipped off my lap, sitting beside me on the soft, lush grass.
“It wasn’t really her I was pissed at. I was always angry...in here.” She touched her chest. “My wolf was angry. I was angry. And Ember was always an easy target. Or she seemed to be.”
My chest tightened. Connor and Shannon had been having sex in the prison, and it had always pissed me off and made mywolf hell to live with, but I’d been grieving for Gwen, so I’d never acknowledged why I reacted like that. They hadn’t been ‘lovers’, not in the sense that they had romantic feelings for each other. It had been convenient fucking. Or so I’d thought.
“Do you still have feelings for him?” My claws grew, digging into the soft earth, but I kept my voice as even as possible. I could help her fight her father’s memory, the booze, and the sex, but I couldn’t drown out her attachment to Connor…
There was a soft rustle and a hand touched my face, urging me to look at her. I did, my wolf in my eyes. Her breath caught, her gaze searching mine.
“No. Well, I do because he’s my King and my friend. I’ll always respect him and feel loyal to him, but I don’t want anything physical with him and certainly don’t harbour any romantic feelings. I can honestly say I’m not sure either of us was all that bothered back then. Neither of us had any room in our hearts for emotion. It was purely a physical convenience. I was available, and he was a means to staying safe when I wasn’t a member of a pack.”
My shoulders relaxed back down. “Not potential mates, then?” I hated that my voice was thick; it showed my vulnerability where she was concerned.
“No.”
I nodded. She let go of my face, but I continued to stare at her, our faces only a couple of inches apart. Even in this beautiful place, I didn’t want to look at anything else. What I wanted was to plunder those soft lips with mine. A low, rumbling growl resonated in my chest.
