He sat down his glass and obliterated the space between us. His hand was around my head in an instant. His lips were on my forehead, bidding me farewell. A single blink and he’d shifted positions again. His body was no longer in front of mine. My head was no longer in his hands.
“Turn away.”
Nothing had changed. When it came to Teddy, they hardly ever did. I turned my back and closed my eyes. With my heart, I listened for his footsteps. With each second they grew more faint and my heartbeat grew louder.
Just like when I was a little girl.
I couldn’t stand to see him leave then. I couldn’t stand to see him leave now. I swiped the lone tear from my right eye and then lifted my head.
Chin up. His words stuck with me.I can’t see that pretty face when it’s down.
“In every lifetime, Royce,” Chem tossed over his shoulder.
“Wait for me. I’ll find you,” I called out to him, reminding him of the promise I’d made to him.
I didn’t hear the door close.
I didn’t hear an engine start.
I didn’t hear tires on the pavement.
Chemistry’s presence had always been the eye. His absence had always been the storm.
I placed the glass up to my lips again. The heaviness returned as I slipped slowly. I was feeling every fucking thing. Past. Present. Future.
“Berkeley,” I whispered. “Berkeley doesn’t sound too bad right now.”
I ran down the mental checklist of things that I needed to handle.
“Twenty-four,” I concluded. “I’ll see you in twenty-four hours, Mercer.”
And Makai, I remembered, rolling my eyes. The headache he’d caused had already began and my journey hadn’t.
And Milo.I smiled.
And Malachi. My heart smiled.
to the girls who are afraid of the unknown
to the girls who need it as much as their next breath
to the girls who can’t function without it
to the girls it tried to swallow whole
—lose control.
ONE
My forehead creasedas weariness parted my eyelids. Darkness penetrated every inch of the open floorplan. The city’s lights served as the secondary background, hardly glistening in the distance because of my level of elevation.
Slowly, I pulled my body from the breathable fabric of the cooling sheets. My feet touched the floor, sending a chill up my spine. I rotated my shoulders, working out the kinks that stillness resulted in each morning. Instinctively, I searched for the glowing numbers on the nightstand.
4:24a.
I shuffled my feet, moving them from one side to the other, until I located the black slides used to transport me from onepart of my condominium to the other. The idea of bare feet on the floor was repulsive.
Bzzzt.
