“It’s nothing, Teddy.”
His eyes never left mine. Silently, he waited for me to spill. I hated his ability to make me do so. He was privy to my darkest secrets. Things I wouldn’t tell a soul, not even the women I shared blood with, Teddy knew.
I sucked in a healthy stream of air and then let it out slowly. The thought of facing him as my confessions rolled off my tongue was agonizing, so I turned on the tips of my toes and headed in the other direction. Absentmindedly, I began pacing my bedroom.
“I despise men.”
I swallowed back more wine as the truth revealed itself to me and Teddy simultaneously.
“I’ve been trying to avoid saying that, but it feels so good to finally let that out.”
“There’s not much you don’t despise, Royce.”
“True. True. But, men are at the top of that list.”
“Mm.”
“But–”
I exhaled.
“I’m beginning to despise being lonely as much. I’m getting older. I don’t like having the entire bed to myself. Or the entire closet. Or the entire bathroom. I want someone to take up space with. Someone to comfort my emotions. Understand my moralsand feelings and how much I truly despise. Someone who keeps choosing me every day no matter how out of touch with reality or insufferable I am.”
“You’re not insufferable.”
“Because we’re so much of the same. All of us. But, to the average person, Chem, we’re insufferable.”
“Your husband won’t be an average person, baby. We don’t fall in love with that kind. We don’t run in the same circles as them. Walk the same paths. Head in the same directions. Dine at the same restaurants. Shop at the same stores. Catch the same flights. Vacation on the same beaches. Know the same people. Have the same resources.”
His accuracy forced a nod from me.
“You’re right.”
“So, don’t worry yourself with that part of it all. Just like you have shit with you… your person will have shit with them. Our kind comes with all kinds of luggage. Just make sure you don’t hate them in a week.”
“I probably will.”
“Egypt hates me sometimes. It’s the fact that her love runs deeper than any other feeling she’s ever experienced that keeps me around. That’s what matters. That’s what saves me.”
“She belongs to you and knows that any man after you would have hell. That’s what saves you.”
“That man would beinhell the first time he looked at Egypt, baby.”
“Exactly.” I chuckled.
While Teddy didn’t share a laugh, his face lit up with a smile. That was more than enough for me. That look on his handsome face healed a bit more of me. Parts of me that were hurting somehow vanished altogether. Just for a moment. Just for a second.
“I want love,” I exclaimed. “That kind of love. It doesn’t have to be fairytale. Perfect. Or, even gentle. I’m no gentlewoman. It just needs to be real. And consistent. And unpredictably predictable. And true. And honest.”
“As it will be.”
“When?” I scoffed, taking another sip.
“When you’re ready.”
Teddy stood on his feet, breaking my heart into pieces. Everything he’d fixed he’d broken again. I released an exaggerated sigh.
“Don’t give me that look, Royce.”
