“It was nothing. I like seeing you happy.”
“It’s not nothing. Not everyone has the privilege of being in a relationship with someone who notices mood changes and takes the time to cook. I appreciate everything you do for me, and I savor every second we get to spend together. You make the everyday stuff feel extraordinary. Thank you for that.”
“Thank you for being the kind of person who makes me want to do those things.” I press a kiss to the crown of her head. “There was a long time when I thought something was wrong with me for not being able to fall in love with someone else. I thought maybe my past haunted me too much or that I clung to you because you were safe and unattainable. As it turns out, you’re not all that safe, considering you’re Charlie’s little sister, but I want you, and I want to make every moment with you special.”
This is the moment I should tell her I love her. I think she might be ready now, but, still, I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Thank you, Grinchie.” She curls into my touch, a smile growing on her face. “So, can we have ice cream now?”
“Yes, we can.”
I pull the containers from the freezer and set them on the counter while she grabs bowls and spoons.
Once we’ve settled on the couch and given Bella a bone, Lauren turns to me. “Day one in the books. How are you feeling?”
“You’re just jumping right in, huh?”
“That’s how this works. The rule is if you eat ice cream with me, you need to be prepared to have a life talk. You signed the contract when you dug your spoon into the carton.”
A chuckle escapes me. “Okay.”
She spoons a bite of her chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, not taking her expectant eyes off me.
“It feels good to be out here with two of my favorite people in the world,” I say, leaning back against the arm of the couch. “I’m slowly starting to recognize what I want in life and allowing myself to want it without judgment.”
“What kinds of things do you want?”
“Well, for starters, I want to stop working at the bar.” I don’t wait for her reaction because I know I might lose my nerve. “I want to cowboy instead.”
“You do?” Shadows darken her eyes.
“Yeah, I loved it back in the day with Charlie, but I thought it was because I was out there goofing around with my best friend. As it turns out, I enjoyed all the talks I went to at the conference, and helping you over the last couple months has shown me I love the simplicity of it: being out in nature, doing manual labor, having a purpose. I love doing the things it takes to run a ranch.”
Lauren’s shoulders rise to her ears, so I grab our bowls and set them aside. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re sure that’s what you want to do?”
“Yeah. Why?”
She crosses her arms. “When did you realize?”
“I don’t know exactly. I guess I’ve been thinking about it since the conference, but I didn’t accept I could make the change for myself until recently.”
The tension in her shoulders remains.
“What’s going on, Freckles? Talk to me.” I wrap her in my arms. “Your demons are my demons to fight too. We’re a team.”
Fears fills her eyes, but she goes soft in my arms.
“Did I do something wrong?” I hold her tighter.
“No, I’m really happy you found something you’re excited about doing.”
“Why’d you react like that when I said I wanted to work on the ranch full-time?”
She presses her lips together. “I know this is stupid, but a part of me has wondered if Austin only went out with me, and proposed to me, because he wanted the ranch. He buried himself in Copper Hill the second we were able to take any sense of control, and he loved it more than he loved me.”
She grabs hold of her elbows, curling into herself. “Hearing you say you want to cowboy made me scared I had fallen into that trap again with you. Maybe you only like me because of the lifestyle you think you could have with me, or maybe you care for me now, but you’ll come to love the ranch more. And possibly the worst scenario would be that maybe you never cared for me at all.”
