My heart splits in two. It’s always been clear Austin’s betrayal had an impact on the way Lauren saw herself and others, but it hadn’t occurred to me she might still be fighting those demons in her head each day she’s held me, kissed me, and told me she cared for me.
I want to fix it for her, but I realize the only way I can truly help is to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I need to keep loving and caring for her. Then, hopefully, one day she will understand Austin is an asshole who never deserved her.
“I’m sorry he put you through that.” I kiss her temple. “I hate that he makes you question the way people see you, especially the wayIsee you. All I can say is that your position to inherit the ranch has nothing to do with why I’m with you. I’ll work at another ranch as a plain old cowboy and be happy. I don’t need to run Copper Hill with you to find the fulfillment I’m seeking.”
I give her a squeeze. “And I’m going to keep telling you every day how amazing you are, how far gone I am for you, and how proud I am of you for continuing to be so brave. I’m only in this for you, the imperfect pieces just as much as the pieces of you that make me question if you’re real because they’re so perfect.”
She bites back a smile that makes me think I’m doing something right, so I keep going. “I want to be around you all the time, and I want you to be happy above all else, okay?”
She nods silently before looking up at me with a hesitant smile. “I guess that’s okay.”
Leaning forward to grab her bowl, she remarks, “My ice cream is going to be a puddle now.”
“We can get you a fresh bowl.”
She shakes her head. “I’ll eat it even as a melty puddle.”
“Of course you will.” I laugh, grabbing my own bowl. It’s only halfway melted.
Silence washes over us. Lauren takes tiny bites of her dessert, letting it melt in her mouth. She looks so happy. I don’t want to disrupt this moment, or the peace I see inLauren’s eyes, but she released a weight from her shoulders, and now I need to take one off mine. I need to talk about this with someone, and I want that someone to be Lauren.
I take another bite of my ice cream, savoring the creaminess mixed with the Oreo flavor. “There’s something else I want to talk with you about.”
She crawls back across the couch, wrapping an arm around me in a way that mimics what I did for her a few minutes ago. “What’s going on?”
I twist my spoon in the melted liquid at the bottom of my bowl, not looking up. “My dad sent a letter to Aunt Carol’s house the other day. He’s out of jail.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Lauren
My jaw drops.I can only imagine how that letter must’ve made Jax feel. Putting all my focus on him, I squeeze him tight. “When did you find out?”
“I found the letter right before the festival.”
This explains everything!That’s why he was acting weird.
“Why didn’t you tell me right away?” I have to rein in my frustration, knowing this isn’t the time. Jax needs my support more than anything.
He rakes his hand through his hair. “I needed time to process everything. Plus, I didn’t want to ruin the festival by telling you about the letter and making you worry.”
I open my mouth and then close it, processing. I have so many questions.
Sensing the tension, Bella gets up from her spot on the floor, scampering over to us. I grab her before she has the chance to hop up on the couch and break her stitches. She immediately wiggles between us, setting a paw on my legand her head in Jax’s lap. It’s like she knows precisely what we need.
I scratch Bella’s back in the spot she likes. “I thought you said the drug charges would lock him up for a while.”
“They did. He was there for over nine years, but he’s out on parole now.” Jax sinks his fingers into the soft fur behind Bella’s ears. She must be in heaven.
“What’d the letter say?”
“He claims he’s in Gambler’s Anonymous, and that he wants to make amends.”
I assess him carefully. “You don’t believe him.”
“How can I?” He shoves his empty bowl on the coffee table, throwing his arms up in the air. “He’s never been someone I can rely on. He always said he’d do better when he sobered up, but that didn’t stop the cycle.”
“So what are we going to do?”
