She chews on her lip, her body tensing. “As I was realizing how behind I am, Olivia called me and asked if I could look after a puppy who just got stitches and needs a safe place to recover. I couldn’t say no.” She turns back to me, her eyebrows raised like she’s asking for my understanding.
I pat her leg in reassurance, and she barrels on in a hushed tone so as not to alert Charlie again. “The cherry on top of it all is that my brother wants to know what’s going on in my life, but I’m lying to his face, telling him I’m fine. I didn’t mean to lie. I thought it was true, but, really, I miss him, and I wish he still lived here. I wish he could help with the ranch, and sometimes I think he would’ve been better at running Copper Hill than me.”
She throws her arms up in exasperation. “Plus, I’m secretly dating his best friend, which I know is going to crush him when he finds out because it’s already too late to tell him without hurting him. I should’ve told him from the start, but I’m too chicken, and I know you want to tell the world about us, but I’m here clinging to the safety of secrecy, so I guess that makes me both a bad sisteranda bad girlfriend.”
The look of defeat on her face physically pains me to see. I don’t know what it’s like to be overwhelmed by so many responsibilities, but I am familiar with the pain of thinking no matter what you do, you’re not going to be enough. I hate that she believes her best isn’t good enough.
Bringing my hands to her face, I say, “I need you to listen to me, okay?”
She nods.
“It’s okay to accept help. It doesn’t make you weak. Being unable to juggle a million things at one time doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It means you’re human. No one could handle the amount of things you have on your plate all alone. The fact that you’ve made it this far actually proves you’re superhuman.”
I pull away with a gentle smile. “Do you prefer Superwoman or Wonder Woman? Maybe Black Widow? She’s kind of badass, and I wouldn’t mind seeing you in that tight leather suit.”
She bumps me with her elbow, a laugh slipping from her lips. “Jax!”
“Oh, sorry. I guess I’m getting a little off track.” Except I’m not. I needed to see her smile and hear her laugh again. I can’t take seeing her doubt herself. She needs to know how incredible she is.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“I’m not even close to done, Freckles. You’re surrounded by people who worship the very ground you walk on, myself included, so don’t be afraid to ask them for help. It’s not a sign of weakness.” I pin her with a look. “It’s hard to open up, but I promise it’s worth it. Now tell me one thing I can do to help.”
“Could you and Charlie set up the booth tomorrow? Ifyou get the table set up, that’ll give me time to create and print everything I need.”
“I was already planning on it.”
She traces lazy circles on my chest. “Okay, then can you also convince Charlie to cover for another thirty minutes, so I can sneak around the festival with you?”
“I would love nothing more than to sneak around the Christmas festival with the Queen of Christmas herself.”
“I’m looking forward to it, Grinchie.”
Laughter slips from my lungs, and I press another kiss to her forehead. “Thank you for opening up to me. It’s okay to want to keep a little bit of control and to guard your heart. It’s smart of you to, but I’m going to prove to you I’m worthy of sharing control with.”
Her smile turns me into a puddle. I’m so far gone for Lauren. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do to get just the smallest hint of a smile from her. I’d let her call me Grinchie for the rest of my life if it meant hearing that musical laughter pour out of her. I’d braid her hair every night and let her drunkenly do her skincare routine on me if it meant she’d look at me with that dopey, loving glow in her eyes that I’ve come to adore. Being loved by Lauren would be the greatest honor of my life, and I hope someday soon she’ll let down her walls enough to get there. Until then, I’ll keep fighting for her.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Lauren
There’sno feeling better than waking up in Jax’s arms. His strong yet gentle touch melts me like an ice cream cone in the Texas heat. His husky morning voice mumbling “Good morning” sends chills down my spine, and the smile slipping onto his face brings a smile to my own.
Everything about this moment is perfect. For the briefest moment, I forget about the festival. I forget about everything that needs to be done and all the ways I felt inadequate last night because how could I feel less than when Jax is looking at me like that? It almost makes me want to say three little words that just feel too soon to say.Is it even fair to tell him I love him when I’m not ready to tell the world about us, when we live in this little bubble that isn’t quite real life?
Worst of all, being wrapped in Jax’s loving arms makes me forget that my brother is right next door, and when he knocks on my door, calling out, “Happy Festival Day!” Ihave no choice but to leap out of bed and block him from my room.
He frowns at my abrasive approach, lowering the plate of eggs and toast in his hands. “What are you doing?”
“I just figured we should eat at the table. I’m not going to eat in bed.” I take the plate, slipping past him toward the kitchen. “Why’d you do this?”
The look of hurt in his eyes tells me I said the wrong thing. All of this secrecy is getting out of hand. Maybe it’s time to forget my reservations and tell everyone about Jax and me, but it’s far from the right time to tell Charlie when his best friend is lying in my bed. I’d like to think Charlie will be okay with all of this, but he might not like that part.
Slipping onto a barstool at the kitchen counter, I say, “Thank you for doing this. It was really thoughtful.” I scoop a bite of eggs. “Sorry for being weird. I’ve gotten used to living alone.”
“I wanted to apologize for being so nosey last night.” He grabs a plate from the cabinet. “Plus, I knew you were anxious about running the booth today, and I feel responsible. I know it should’ve been me.”
“You always do this.” I set my fork down while he dishes up a plate for himself. “It’s okay that you left. I get stressed about handling all the ranch stuff, but I only worry because I care. I like the work I do, and I know you like the work you do, so you shouldn’t feel guilty.”
