Lauren laughs, all high-pitched and nervous.How on earth did she think it’d be a good idea to keep our relationship a secret when she’s clearly terrible at it?
“Don’t be ridiculous, Char.” She moves across the room. “I’m really tired and have a lot to do tomorrow, what with the festival and all, so I’m going to hit the hay.”
Charlie’s husky sigh could be heard all the way across town. “I opened up to you tonight, but you’re still hiding something from me. That hurts.”
My heart breaks on Lauren’s behalf.
Strained silence fills the room, and the walls of Lauren’s closet do nothing to cut the tension.
“You’re making more out of this than it is. I’m fine. I need to go to bed. Good night.”
There’s defeat in his voice as Charlie moves toward Lauren’s door. “Night.”
When Lauren opens her closet for me, there’s pain in her eyes, and it hits me then that there’s something else there too. I don’t know how I missed it before. She looksexhausted.
Without saying a word, I pull her toward the bathroom, and for perhaps the first time ever, she doesn’t resist. I set her on the edge of the tub and braid her hair like I’ve been practicing, taking my time. Then I rummage through herbathroom cabinet, pulling out her face wash and the rest of her skincare.
Despite wanting to take care of her more, I give her the space to do it herself, a morsel of control I can tell she needs in this moment. It isn’t until she’s rubbing the last of her moisturizer into her skin that she speaks. “I think the secret-keeping is the hardest with Charlie.”
I settle onto the ledge of her bathtub. “The ball is in your court. If you want to march over there right now and tell him what’s going on, I’ll handle whatever consequences there might be.”
“I appreciate that. I do.” She drops her head. “I just feel safer keeping things a secret. It keeps everyone else’s opinion out of our relationship, and I’ve realized it gives me some semblance of control.” She tucks herself into my chest, whispering, “Iwantto be ready.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to be ready yet.” I rub her back gently. “We’ll figure it out.”
“How can you be so calm about this?” She pulls back to look at my face. “He’s your best friend. This can’t be easy for you either.”
“It’s not, but I know it’s not forever. We’ll tell him eventually. Right now, I’m trying to focus on you. I can tell something else is eating at you besides what Charlie said.”
She sags. “You can tell?”
“I notice every little thing about you, Freckles.”
That brings a soft blush to her cheeks, which I press my lips to. “Tell me what’s going on.”
She drops her gaze, not making eye contact with me. “I’m tired. I have a lot to get sorted out for the festival tomorrow. I’m sorry, but we should probably go to bed.”
I can’t help but feel disappointed. “I know something is bugging you. I can see it. Why won’t you let me in? Don’tyou see I want to be here for you? I want to care for you through the good and the bad, mess and all. You’ve done that for me.”
“Not like this.” She scrambles out of my lap. “I don’t want to hide things from you, but there’s a reason I keep my feelings to myself, Jax. Sharing them has never done me well.”
“Why not?”
She holds out her hand, ticking each reason on her fingers. “I’ve had to hide my problems from Charlie because I’m proud of him for going after what he wanted, and I don’t want him to feel guilty. I’ve hidden my feelings from Austin because he didn’t give me the kindness and care I needed. I’ve pretended like my dad is fine because he’s too stubborn to admit he has a problem that could slow him down.”
Now we’re starting to get somewhere. “You’ve been there to pick me up when I’ve had a bad day. You’ve seen past my family’s messy history and my reputation and shown me there’s someone out there who thinks I’m a good man. Just let me in, please. I want to be there for you. I promise telling me won’t change the way I think about you. It won’t burden me. It’ll just mean I can be there for you in your time of need.”
“Won’t that turn me into a burden?”
“No, Iwantto help you.” I stand up, taking her hands in mine. “Plus, it’ll feel good to let someone in, to stop hiding things from the people you care about.”
Something I said, or perhaps the desperation in my voice, resonates with her because she looks back up at me, wincing the slightest bit. “I’m overwhelmed. You were right. I’ve been trying to be everything for everyone, and I’m starting to think I’m not good enough to manage it all.”
In an instant, I’m dragging her to out of her bathroomand sitting us both down on the edge of her mattress. “Not good enough? Don’t you dare say something so ridiculous.”
“It’s true. I’m not doing a good job with the ranch, as proven by the heater incident. It took the help of three more people who don’t even work for the ranch to get that situation sorted out because I didn’t plan ahead.”
She turns her gaze from me. “Before you showed up, I made my to-do list for tomorrow, and it turns out it’s a mile long. IknewI was going to have a booth for the festival and that I’d need to prepare, but I haven’t had a second to breathe, let alone do all the things I should be doing to make sure it’s a meaningful contribution to the ranch.”
