I gingerly pull the colorful bunch of beads out from the box and lift it for Jax to see. “Do you remember this?”
He slips off the bench, squinting as he walks toward me. He reaches his hand out to look at the bracelet closer.
“It’s my lucky bracelet.”
I nod. “You remember when you gave it to me?”
His piercing eyes meet mine, and I can see everything swirling inside them as he tries to make sense of all of this.
“Of course I remember.” He twirls the beads in his hand. “You really kept it? All this time?”
I shrug, feeling extremely vulnerable. I didn’t plan on showing him. I forgot it existed until this very moment. “I just didn’t want to get rid of it.” I release a shaky breath. “I mean, it brought you a lot of luck that season.”
“Oh.”
Never mind the fact that I had a minor crush on him when he came to town, but nothing ever happened between us, and then Austin came along, and Jax went from being my brother’s cute friend to my brother’s annoying friend. When I started dating Austin, I spent less time with him, and when we were together, it was almost like a switch had flipped. Jax ruthlessly picked on me.
“So, this is your special spot?” He spins around, taking it all in.
“Yeah, I used to come up here when I wanted some space to clear my head. It’s hard to feel overwhelmed when I’m removed from everything like this. It felt like all my responsibilities faded away here because no one knew where I was. If no one could find me, no one could ask anything of me.”
“Do you still feel that way?” He places his hands in his back pockets. “Like everyone is asking too much of you?”
I bite my lip, moving back to the trunk bench. “I think nowI’mthe one asking everything of myself, if that makes sense.”
He nods, joining me. “Did the other night help? With the bath? Or last night when we all came to help?”
“A little.” I squeeze his thigh and give him a smile. “Idon’t think I’ll change overnight, but I’m learning I don’t have to tackle everything alone. It showed me there are ways to find help and get rest.”
“If you ever want to talk about it more. I’m here for you.”
My heart jumpstarts in my chest. I haven’t always had this kind of steady support in my life. Charlie has been there for me more and more recently, but he’s still so far away. I’ve always been close with my dad, but his recent health condition has shifted our dynamic. I’m afraid of telling him anything, afraid of burdening him. Knowing Jax is there for me makes me feel… everything, almost too much. My feelings for Jax are building so fast and so deep. It’d be terrifying if his presence weren’t so calming.
Jax pulls me into his arms. “Thank you for sharing your spot with me. It means a lot.”
I press on a closed-lip smile, afraid I’m going to blurt out exactly how I feel, but I can’t. It’s too soon. We just started this thing between us.Am I really capable of feeling all of these things already?My brain says no, but my heart isn’t convinced. It wants to give Jax a piece of me after everything he’s done to advocate for me and push me to be a version of myself I’m proud of.
“I haven’t been here in a while,” I finally say. “It felt selfish to come up here once Charlie left and the weight of the ranch fell on my shoulders, but more recently, someone has showed me that it’s okay to take a moment for myself.” I slide a soft smile his way. “Even then, I didn’t feel the need to come up here.”
His eyes narrow in confusion, and I inhale a sharp breath, bracing myself to get as close to the truth as possible.
“I haven’t felt the need to come up here because every time I’m with you, you give me the same feeling this placeonce did. You wash away the weight of all my responsibilities, and you bring me peace every time you wrap me in your arms. So, thank you.”
There’s a hint of relief in his eyes that catches me off guard before he embraces me tightly. “Freckles, I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
He pulls me in for a tender kiss, but when he draws away, there are shadows in his eyes that make me think he’s holding something back. There’s a brief moment when the look reminds me of Austin. He used to give me that same feeling—the fear that he’s hiding something from me, the helplessness that I can’t get him to openly speak his mind and share his feelings.
Fear washes over me, but I ground myself again with the touch of his lips and the feeling of his fingers splayed out on my waist. Jax isn’t Austin. I know that. These feelings are just in my head.I hope.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jax
“Hey,ladies. Can I get y’all something to drink?” I ask as Lauren, Callie, and Olivia approach the bar Thursday night for swing dance lessons.
“Nothing to drink, but we might need a dance partner again,” Olivia says loudly.
I glance from her to Lauren for guidance. Lauren leans over the counter, whispering, “She’s apparently awful at keeping secrets.” Turning to Olivia, she adds, “I thought you’d be better at this. You were kind of closed off when you came to town.”
