I shrug. “Life got busy, and I forgot what was important to me.”
“Were you always close with your dad?”
“Yeah.” I turn my gaze out to the horizon, which is slowly coming to life with the rays of the golden sun. “We were buddies from the start. He used to nap in his recliner with me on his chest, and I’d follow him around everywhere. There’s a picture of me when I was three, marchingaround in a pair of his boots and his cowboy hat. I wanted to be just like him.”
Jax and Tex trot up next to me. “How have I not seen that? I need to see that picture.”
“No, you don’t. It’s embarrassing.” Trying to redirect his attention, I add, “I love my mom, of course, and we’ve shared bonds over rom coms and her sunflower garden, but Dad and I always had a special connection. When I had a crush on a boy in the seventh grade and found out he was going out with someone else, Dad was the one I talked to about it. It’s weird, but, somehow, we’ve always understood each other.”
I fight back the emotions clenching at my chest. “We got even closer when Charlie left because we bonded over the ranch. He’s taught me everything I know.”
“Is he the one who taught you how to bluff in poker like no one’s business?”
I shake my head. “No, he’s the one who taught me bluffing can’t be taught. It’s a skill you’re born with.”
He joins me in my laughter as we reach the summit—“summit” being a bit of a stretch considering how flat Roots is, but we’re still at a higher elevation than when we started. Instead of staying there to take in the view, Lucky and I lead the way off the trail we’ve been following.
Jax leans to the side, peering around me. “Where are we going?”
“I want to show you my spot.”
“Your spot?”
I nod. “No one else knows about this.”
I swear that makes him sit up a little taller as we trek through the trees on the backside of the hill. After a couple more minutes of winding through the oaks into seeming nothingness, I stop.
“Here we are.”
It’s been years since I’ve been up here, but everything is just like I remembered it. The tree trunk I turned into a makeshift bench is still here. The initials I carved in one of the oaks years ago when I claimed this spot as mine managed to weather years’ worth of storms. Even my tin lunchbox, full of emergency essentials, is still stashed below one of the tree roots.
I slide off Lucky, ready to open the box and reminisce, but before I can start unpacking it, Jax slides off Tex and grabs me by the waist, guiding me toward the bench.
“What’re you doing?”
He tugs me down to sit next to him, holding me close. “Tell me what you see, smell, feel, and hear. If we’re going to come out here to watch the sun rise, I want you to take a moment to truly appreciate it. It’s something my mom used to do with me after—” He clears his throat and drops his voice low. “After things with my dad turned sour. It helped ground me. I thought maybe you’d enjoy it too as someone who is constantly going, going, going.”
I nod, inhaling a deep breath. “I see the sun’s rays coming over the horizon. It makes it look almost like there’s an end to the earth. I see a patch of mistflowers that looks like a purple ocean out by what will be paddock twelve, and I see the light filtering through the clouds. Nana always said that the golden clouds in a sunrise and sunset were made that way by all our loved ones looking down at us.”
“I like that.”
“Me too.” I catch on his blue-eyed gaze, noting the navy rim that surrounds the notes of gold in them. His sandy-blond hair is slightly askew as it sticks out the edges of his cowboy hat because he rolled out of bed this morning, but it only makes him look more charming and approachable.
“Okay, enough of what you see.” He drags me out of my trance. “Close your eyes. What do you hear, feel, and smell?”
I follow his orders and try to focus on my other senses. The first thing I notice is Jax clinging to me in a way that makes me feel safe. His cedar scented soap wraps around my nose like a hug while his soft breathing mixes with the sound of a restless Lucky and a determined woodpecker in the distance.
There’s a tiny part of me that feels like I need to do this exercise on my own. I appreciate all the ways Jax has been there for me, but I also need to have some moments of growth without him, so I sit there quietly, basking in his warm and gentle touch and his intoxicating smell. I listen to his steady breathing and note how my own breathing slowly matches his.
After several minutes, I say, “Thank you. I needed that.”
“I just want to make sure my girl gets some down time to enjoy the beauty of life.”
My lips curve into a smile. “Can I show you something?”
“Of course.”
I get up from the bench, pull the tin lunch box from its hiding spot, and open it up to reveal a stale granola bar, a box of tissues, a picture of me and Charlie I stashed up here after he moved to LA, and something else I had forgotten was up here, something I didn’t have the heart to get rid of.
