“I was dusting your old room like I do every couple of weeks, and I found a letter. From your father.”
The ground falls out from underneath me. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She must be so freaked out. She thought she was safe and now she knows my dad is free in the world again.
“I’ll be right there.”
Mom is waiting on the porch when I drive up. Pulling her into a hug, I say, “I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out like this. You’re safe though. I promise. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. He won’t hurt you ever again.”
She pushes me away, her brows slanting.
“What on earth are you talking about? The letter says he wants to make amends. Why did you hide it from me?” Her voice is rising an octave per sentence until she’s practically supersonic.
“I picked up your mail the other day, and when I saw the handwriting on the letter, I recognized it immediately. I knew him coming back into our lives would probably upset you, so I kept it to myself.” I shrug. “I guess I thought there was no sense in telling you when I knew he’d be on parole and wouldn’t be able to just show up in Roots. I failed to consider the fact that he could get permission to come here and make amends with his family.”
“Wait, he washere?” She sounds really angry now, and I can’t help but feel surprised. I thought she’d be grateful I stepped up this time around.
“He completely blindsided me and showed up on myporch the night I got back from the hunting trip. He insisted he wanted to make amends, but I asked him to leave and to stay away from you. It was time I protected you the way I should’ve all those years ago.”
“That wasn’t your job to do.” She shakes her head. “You should’ve told me he was here. I would’ve liked to hear what he had to say.”
“Have you lost your mind?” I throw my arms up in the air. “Dad tore our family apart. He drove us into all kinds of debt. He’s the reason we had bruises when we came to stay with Aunt Carol. He’s why you and I both have to constantly convince ourselves we aren’t terrible people.”
I’m pacing the length of the porch now. “He tortured us, mentally and physically. I wasn’t going to let him come back into our lives and pretend he’s sorry. It’s too late for that. If he cared, he wouldn’t have gone back to gamble after the first time you begged him not to. He wouldn’t have continued drinking, knowing the monster it turned him into. He would’ve taken care of us the way he was supposed to, but he didn’t do any of those things, did he?”
I stop pacing, grabbing the rail with white knuckles. “I just wanted to protect you from that monster. Our lives have been so much better without him. You don’t need him coming back around to make things complicated.”
Mom steps closer, and the fire in her eyes terrifies me. I’ve never seen her like this. “Did you think I was going to welcome him back with open arms after everything he did? Do you really think I’m so weak that I couldn’t protect us back then? That I can’t stand up for myself now?” She looks hurt, and she doesn’t wait for me to answer before blurting, “Of course I wouldn’t let him come crawling back! I recognize the things he did to our family. I’m sorry I didn’t get us out of that situation sooner. I was blinded by love, and Ithought he could change. I’m much stronger now, and it stings that you didn’t think I was.”
“I know you’re strong.” I drape an arm over her shoulders. “I didn’t think you’d take him back, but I didn’t see his presence doing any good. Whatever apology he has is worthless to us now.”
“Speak for yourself. I wouldn’t mind hearing him swallow his pride to say he was wrong for everything he did.”
“But how can you even believe him after everything he’s done to us?”
She shrugs, staring out at the gray clouds accumulating in the sky. “Maybe he’ll be full of crap, but at least I’d get to hear the words I’ve most wanted to hear come out of his mouth.”
Silence falls over us for a moment as we both watch the wind shake the trees. Finally, she says, “You shouldn’t have had to handle this on your own.”
“I need to make up for the times I didn’t handle him before. I need to keep everyone safe. I didn’t do that for you before, but I’m trying now.”
“And keeping secrets from me is the way to do that?”
“I was protecting you. You didn’t need to know he was back.”
“I know you’re a grown man now, but you’re still my son. It’ll never be your responsibility to protect me or make decisions for me. If your dad hadn’t hidden his gambling before it got too late, maybe I could’ve helped him. It sounds like he’s getting help now, but just imagine if he had asked for help and gotten it fifteen years ago. Think about how different our lives could’ve been. You shouldn’t keep secrets, even if you think you’re protecting someone.”
“I’m sorry.” I toe one of the splinteredfloorboards. “I guess you were right. The Carter men are scum.I’mscum. Even when I try to be better, I just ruin everything.”
“Scum? What would make you say that?”
“You’ve said it yourself. Plenty of times. ‘The Carter men are scum.’ I come from a line of lying, cheating, assholes, and I’ve done a terrible job of breaking the mold.”
She pulls me into a hug. “The Carter men don’t include you.”
“What do you mean? I know my legal name is Greer now, but it doesn’t change where I came from.”
“You were raised by two Greer women. You’re a Greer through and through.” She says it with pride. “You’re not scum. You messed up, but now you do what Greers do, and you make things right.”
“How do I do that?”
