Arms still crossed, defeat in my voice, I say, “I just want to go home. I’ve had a long day.”
“I wanted to sit and enjoy those delicious lava cakes with your parents, but I guess we both aren’t going to get what we want today.”
Feeling a little guilty, I slowly move closer to the couch, sitting with just one butt cheek on the cushion.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“I just want to understand why you’re being so rude to your parents. All they’re doing is loving and supporting you. All they’ve ever wanted is to be a part of your life. What reason could you possibly have for keeping them at a distance?”
There’s a fiercely protective look in his eyes, and his face is growing red.Have I really made him that angry in just a few hours?
“You know your parents started contacting realtors to look at selling their house in Roots the day your mom found out you’re still having panic attacks? They were ready to uproot their whole life, this life that they’ve spent two years building and growing very fond of, just to be with you in San Francisco and make sure you get the support you need. You’re being ungrateful and selfish.”
“That’sexactlywhy I keep them at a distance!” My sharp tone shocks even me. “My parents’ world has revolved around me since long before I was even born. My mom, especially, has always hovered and worried about me since the moment she knew she was pregnant. You just don’t understand the pressure that puts on me. I feel like I have to be perfect to keep them happy. Any time something goes wrong in my life, they make it their problem to solve instead of mine. Irefuseto let my parents spend one more second letting their own lives slip away worrying about me.That’swhy I keep them at a distance.”
With a sigh, I stand from the couch and start pacing. “I love my parents so much. There was a time when my mom and I weresoclose, but she completely lost herself in me. Every time I have another episode, I swear I’m killing a small piece of her. I hate it. I can’t seem to get these panic attacks under control, so at least if I keep my parents at a distance, I’m less of a burden. It’s harder for them to see me fail. They can live in peace. Look at everything they’ve done in the two years since I started closing myself off from them.”
Silence falls over us. It’s as if my explanation has shattered the picture he had of me. I’m sure he thought I was spoiled, entitled, ice cold, but I’m only motivated by a desire to let my parents live a happy life. He can’t fault me for that, can he?
“Have you ever considered seeing someone about your anxiety to help you get it under control? If you’re so worried about how it impacts your parents, then why don’t you try to do something about it?”
Instantly, I stiffen. “I did try. In college. The counselor just wanted to diagnose me and put me in this box. She made it all feel so sterile, like I had a sickness that needed to be cured, and she did nothing to actually teach me how to manage my anxiety.”
“Obviously that counselor wasn’t right for you, but there are so many others out there. You have to try. You’re so lucky to have parents like yours. You can’t waste that. God, what I’d give to have someone love me the way your parents love you.”
He steps closer to me, the heat of his body radiating off of him. I catch a faint whiff of his cologne, and now I feel like a stampede of elephants has been unleashed in my chest.
My eyes soften as I take him in. Maybe Rhett has his motivations for being as prickly as he is toward me. He turns away from my gaze, but it doesn’t stop my mind from running rampant, wonderingwho hurt him? Who left him? Why is he so desperate for someone to love him like my parents love me?
“I’m not just going to sit here and not make a change. There are other ways to deal with anxiety, like meditation or journaling. If one of those doesn’t work, I’ll come up with something else, but I need to keep my parents away while I figure it all out.”
I take another step toward him, curious about what it’d feel like to be just a little closer. The gentle heat of his body turns to a flickering flame.
Frustration grows on his face, but even so, there’s a crackle of electricity in the air between us, and it’s paralyzing. Looking into his eyes, a tiny part of me believes he feels it too. I hardly know Rhett, and he boils my blood, but now I can’t stop picturing what it’d be like to touch him and be cared for by him in the same fiercely protective way he cares for my parents.
That daydream quickly ends when he snarls at me. “You’re clueless.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said you’re clueless! You shouldn’t just push your parents away to help them live a happy life. Clearly, it isn’t working because despite your best efforts, they still almost gave up everything for you. They will still give up everything for you if you screw something up here. Go ahead and try something besides therapy if that’s a better fit, but you need to find a way to have a better relationship with your parents. You need to try. You’re breaking their hearts.”
“Everything would’ve been fine if I hadn’t slipped up and let my mom in again. I had one small moment of weakness. I just missed her, but then I ended up in this whole mess.”
I subtly wipe at the corner of my eye as tears form.Am I really going to cry in front of him?Shit.
Nervous laughter escapes me as I try to cover my embarrassment. “I can’t believe I’m crying in front of the Tin Man.”
“Tin Man?”
“Yes, I’m implying you have no heart,” I croak.
“I’m only arguing with you because I want what’s best for your parents. I’m upset because I care so much for them.”
“But you also just yelled at someone you only met today.”
“Touché.” He bites his lower lip as remorse fills his face. “I’m sorry.”
“Listen, Rhett, I appreciate that you care for my parents so much. I’m sure you’re the child they always wished they had, but that doesn’t make this your business. You’re acting like you know what’s going on, but you don’t. I’ve had a very long day, and all I want to do is be alone right now, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head home.”
