“It’s not that simple, Becs. So much has happened since then. We went nine months without speaking to one another.”
“Emma.” She pins me with one of her knowing looks. “You have both been in love with each other forever. It’s been so painfully obvious watching the two of you, especially over the last couple of years.”
“Clearly, you’re wrong because a couple of years ago, Andrew was dating Angelina.”
“No, don’t bring her into this. That relationship was bullshit, and you know it. You guys were so close, and it’s driving me crazy.” She grabs both of my shoulders, forcing me to look her in the eye. “Figure it out already! You’ve both agreed you want to live your lives. Do you think skirting around how you feel and pretending to just be friends is living?”
She begins to step back. Little by little, she disappears into a cloud of nothing. I reach out for her. I’m not ready for her to go. We aren’t done talking about this. I’m not done spending time with my best friend. I need her!
I awake with a jolt. Shooting upright, I throw my head into my palms and groan. I roll out of bed and get dressed in my bathing suit. As much as I want to go for a run again this morning to process everything that just happened in my dream, I know I’m going to have to settle for a swim in the lake. I haven’t run in so long; I need to give my body time to recover. Running is a very high-impact sport and just throwing myself back into it as if I’ve still been running 40+ mile weeks this whole time would be a stupid idea, so I’ll settle for the next best thing, swimming.
I rifle through the linen closet for a towel and walk out to the dock, thinking about what I’m going to do with my day. I’m not working this summer. My parents insisted I spend another summer at the lake with my family while I’m stillyoung enough to have the flexibility to do so. They didn’t have the heart to tell it to my grieving face, but I know they also think I’d benefit from spending the summer facing my loss rather than burying myself in work.
I was worried at first about falling behind, but the company I worked for during the school year encouraged me to take some time off. They even told me they’d welcome me back with open arms, come next fall, which was very reassuring.
I reach the end of the dock, toss my towel aside, and dive into the cool lake. The rush of the water fills my ears as I submerge my body, and it’s a good feeling. It drowns out my thoughts for at least a moment, but as I resurface, everything comes rushing back. I don’t even know what to think of my dream. I feel so overwhelmed.Maybe if I break it down?
Okay, the first thing she talked about was my running. That’s an easy one.I’ve already given up my place on the team along with my scholarship. I’ve taken way too long off from running, let alone training. There’s next to no chance of me ever coming back to running at the collegiate level. Oddly enough, I feel at peace with that.
I do want to get back to running for the joy of it though. There was a point when I genuinely loved the feeling. I want to get back to running just because it makes me happy. I can work on that this summer.
What else did she say? She told me to do the mud run this summer with Andrew. I could probably convince him to do that with me. Piece of cake!He already said he would run with me this summer, and the mud run is a pretty relaxed race. It’s not like I’m going to be out there trying to get a personal best. If I tell him it’s something Rebecca and I had been planning on doing, he will absolutely do it with me.
That’s solved…well minus talking to Andrew, but I can do that later.This is easy. I don’t know why the dream made me feel so upset earlier.
I reach the dock about ten houses down and decide to turn around.The last thing she mentioned… oh. She was talking about Andrew and me.My stomach flips at the thought of the events that played out the afternoon of Rebecca’s accident. I shake it off and focus on what exactly Rebecca said. There was something about how we were so close and pretending to just be friends wasn’t living life like we said we were going to do from here on out. Maybe I agree, but it’s not like I have the first clue how to change our situation.
Things are so complicated. We just started talking again. Maybe it feels like no time has passed without us talking, but it doesn’t erase the past nine months. Nor does it erase the past however many years we teetered on the edge of friends and something more but couldn’t make the leap. Maybe Andrew and I aren’t meant to be.
I reach my dock and set my elbows on the edge, resting my chin on my forearms as I catch my breath. I can’t bring myself to get out of the water just yet and face the shiver that will come with the feeling of the cool morning air on my skin.
I grab my phone, which is resting on my towel, to check the time. It’s just after eight. I’ve been out here longer than I thought. I mentally pat myself on the back for being in better shape than I realized. Then I notice the text.
Andrew
Hey Em! You up?
I scroll to the next text, also from Andrew.
Sorry! That didn’t sound how I meant it to. I was just going to come over and chat with you if you were awake…
I laugh a little as my thumbsstart typing.
Me
Yes I’m up. You can come over in 20. I just finished swimming. Need to shower and eat.
I drag myself out of the water, and, sure enough, the air hits my body, causing me to start shivering. Goose bumps cover my arms and legs as I bend over to grab my towel.
Andrew saunters down the dock. Surely my eyes are deceiving me because it looks like he just gave me the elevator look. You know, when someone starts looking at your face and then that gaze travels down your body? That’s the look he just gave me. His throat bobs, and I know I wasn’t imagining things. I quickly pull my towel around myself to cover up, blushing a little.
“Hey! I just texted you back. Let me go shower and then we can talk while I eat.”
“Yeah, I saw your text, but then I saw you on the dock and thought I’d just catch you before your shower.” There’s still a heat behind his eyes that makes me want to bury my face in my hands. I’m not used to getting those kinds of looks from anyone, let alone Andrew.
I shudder as a bout of chills slither up my body. “Will it be quick? I have about two more minutes before my teeth start chattering and maybe three minutes before I get hypothermia.”
He laughs smoothly and pulls my towel-wrapped body into his arms, rubbing my shoulders quickly to warm me. “I was thinking we could head into town today and hit the bookstore. Maybe we could grab some ice cream afterward?” For old time’s sake?” He raises his eyebrows enticingly. “I know you just went to the bookstore, and I just got a new book, but I love to look.” He quickly adds, “Plus, it’d give us a chance to make a plan for what we are going to do this summer to, you know, live our lives to the fullest or whatever.” There’s a hint of sarcasm in hisvoice but it’s clear he’s using it to keep from being too vulnerable.
