That explained the noise in the background.“Oh, okay.So, when would be a good time to talk?”
“Hang on a second.”
She heard muffled voices, like he had covered the phone’s mic with his hand so he could discuss something with Savannah’s mom – or at least, that’s what she assumed was going on.She could hear voices – not words, just the hum of talking – and one of them sounded female.
“Okay, I’m heading outside.The girls are good.Savannah’s mom was happy to take care of them while I talk to you.”
“Oh, well… I suppose we can discuss this over the phone.”She had hoped to ask him to meet her for hot chocolate.Breaking up over the phone felt wrong, callous, uncaring.All the things that did not describe her.Ever.“But I’d really rather talk to you in person.”
There was a long pause from the other end of the phone.“This isthatconversation,” he said in a flat tone.“This isn’t working out, right?”
Pain gripped Esther’s heart.“I’m sorry.”She hated disappointing people.Even if she knew that doing so was the right thing to do.
Steve blew out a breath.“So am I, but I can’t say I’m surprised.You never were really invested in us as much as I was.”There was a sharpness to his words, and she felt the sting.
“Oh, Steve, I’m so sorry.I really did think we might make a great couple.I really, really did.You’re such a great guy and a wonderful father to Maddie.And she’s so sweet.Any woman would be fortunate to part of your life.And I was.I felt blessed by you.You were so good to me and understanding and supportive.”A blew out a slow breath.This was so hard.
"But… I honestly couldn’t put my whole heart into us.I thought I was or that I could… but… well… I didn’t understand it myself until Fred told me goodbye on Christmas Day.”
“What do you mean he told you goodbye?”An edge of accusation coloured his voice.
“It’s not like you’re thinking.He and I were only friends.I wasn’t dating him while I was dating you.”She knew that cheating had been involved in his marriage breaking up.“I texted him to thank him for his gift, and he let me know that he was stepping away from me completely because he didn’t want you to worry about him trying to step in between us.”
“And yet, he is.”Oh, he sounded angry.
“No, he’s not.I am.I’m the problem.I take full responsibility for the pain I am causing you.”She sniffled because, yes, she was crying again.“Don’t blame him.Blame me.Trust me.It’s my fault.I know it is.”And that admission hurt deeply.How foolish she had been to think she could just tell her heart whom to love or not to love.How moronic she had been to listen to what others thought above what she knew to be true.“I just can’t imagine a life without him in it.I’m so, so sorry, Steve.”
“Yeah, well… I guess I should head back into the arena so I can get back to mysingledad life.”He sighed.“What am I going to tell Maddie?”
“Do you want me to talk to her?”
“No.She’s not your kid.”
“I know that.But, I… I don’t know… I don’t plan to change how I am around her at school.I love her.”
“Just not me.”His words were resigned.
“Not like you deserve to be loved, no.But I still care about you and your daughter very much.That won’t change.I’m apparently rather horrible about not caring for people once they snag my heart – no matter if it’s just in a friendly fashion or something more.Not even if I try to deny it or force it to be something different.”
“Goodbye, Esther.”The words were soft as a whisper.
“Goodbye, Steve.”
There was a click.Followed by silence.It was done.Over.Esther rubbed her heart.Oh, how it ached on Steve and Maddie’s behalf.And it smarted even more because she knew that she was the source of that pain.
“Please, God, help Steve find a woman who can love him as he deserves and who will be a good stepmom for Maddie.”She sat for some time pressing her phone against her chest and just allowing her heart to feel the sorrow that ending a relationship necessarily brought, while crying out for comfort for the man she had, though her own foolishness, hurt.
Then, she dried her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and typed:I hurt him, into the group chat and sent it as she went in search of a box of tissues.
But it’s over, she added.
(((hugs)))That was Rosalie’s reply which was echoed by Tiffany and Mandy, and then, followed by,Now, what about Fred?
Esther chuckled at the nudge from Rosalie.I don’t know.I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.I need time to come to grips with having hurt Steve.
Don’t take too long.He’s waited long enough for you to find your own opinion and not be afraid of it.
Ouch.That one from Rosalie hit hard.
