“I can give you a day, but honestly, if you’re not going, then, I need time to make an offer to someone else – after I talk to Scotty and find out who’s his second choice, that is.”He took a sip of his coffee.“It will be full time hours – either mornings or evenings – and we’re only opening on a limited schedule for now until we have all the staff in place that we need and customer numbers demand we reconsider the hours.”
Fred nodded.“If I agree to this, I’m not agreeing to be a manager, right?”
“That’s right.I know you’ll need more time than one day to figure that out.”His smile as he said that was kind – fatherly even.
As Fred stood to leave, he knew that neither Mr.Drummond nor God would ask him to do something he wasn’t suited to do.“Well, then, I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
Tonight, he’d have a chat with his brothers and God, but he had a feeling poking at the back of his brain that he’d be giving Mr.Drummond the answer he wanted.
Chapter 16
Estherremovedherearbudsand finished mopping the kitchen floor in silence.
Well, silence from outside sources that is.Her thoughts could not – would not -- be turned off or tuned out.
Last night’s movie night had turned into an intervention of sorts by her friends – or so it had felt.Honestly, she was still feeling a bit raw from it today.It wasn’t easy to have your shortcomings laid out in front of you, along with the ways they would or could affect your life – for the better or worse.
She stood at the door to her kitchen and rested her hands and chin on her mop handle.“How can someone who is trained to guide young children into life not even be able to handle her own life?”She sighed.“How God?How?”
The reply came quickly in the form of a gentle thought.Let Me guide you.Not your friends.Not your heart.Me.
Tears sprang to her eyes just as quickly as her answer had come.That was it.She had relied on others to guide her for most of her life.It was, as Tiffany had said, her way of trying to find approval.The approval that had been ripped away from her when her mom had left.
“What kind of mother leaves her daughter?”she growled at the mop as she put it away.“Was I not good enough?Or was I just unlovable?”The questions pricked her heart as she finally spoke them aloud.They were questions she had always asked in secret realm of her thoughts.Never out loud.“What was wrong with me?”
Oh, she knew her dad adamantly assured her that her mother’s leaving had nothing to do with her.They had married young – the summer after graduation, while her mom could still fit into a wedding dress without looking pregnant.They had married for her.Or perhaps it was better to say that her father had married for her.Her mother had never really wanted to be a mother.She had aspirations of fame and fortune, while Esther’s dad had only ever wanted to have a family and a good life.
And he had provided her with both.No daughter ever wanted for more love from her father than she had received from her dad.Sure, he missed things because his work was demanding and his ability to schedule things was weak.But wow did he love her.Could she have really been loved any more if she had had two parents for her whole life instead of just one?It didn’t seem possible.
She took the vacuum from its charging station.“Thank you, God, for my dad and how well he has loved me.”She shook her head.She had been looking at things from the wrong perspective.“I guess I should have looked at what I had rather than what I thought I was missing.How did I never think to look at it from gratefulness, rather than from a place of hurt and longing?”
No one replied.No thoughts filtered in with a response.But she felt her own words settle into her heart and mind like a soft blanket, comforting and familiar.
It wasn’t too late to shift perspectives now.There was still time to adjust her outlook and perhaps find the God-answer to her conundrum about what to do about Steve – who was a lovely man who treated her well and had a little girl that she could fill a void for – and Fred – her life-long dearest friend.
Therefore, as she vacuumed, she followed her own advice and started listing her blessings.Her house, her job, her friends – even Mandy, her church, the worship team… she paused here.That wasn’t going to be the same without Fred.This was followed by another thought that seemed to strike her with the swiftness and power of lightning.
“Nothing will be the same without him.”She blinked as she listened to her own words.“Nothing will be the same without him,” she repeated.That was her answer.
She plopped down on her sofa, switched off the vacuum, and finally gave voice to what she had wanted to say to Mandy all those years ago when she had been too afraid of losing her friends.“I don’t want to date anyone but Fred.I don’t want to live without him or with him as just my friend.I want more.I don’t want to be separated from him even by a little distance.I love him.Fully.Completely.Only and always him.I won’t be okay without him.I can’t replace him with anyone.Not even a sweet girl who needs a mom.”Tears were falling faster than her thoughts were tumbling from her lips.
But those lips?They were smiling.Joy was bubbling out of her.It was as if the blinds in all the rooms had been ripped from the windows, letting the full force of the sun shine in.It felt right.But was it?
She took a calming breath and raised her eyes toward heaven.“Lord, I love him.Is this what you’ve been trying to tell me with all my unease since I started dating Steve?Have I had it wrong all along?Is Steve my way of filling a void?”She did not want to make a choice as big as this based on her own wisdom.So, she sat for a while.Waiting.Asking silently for God to stop her from breaking up with Steve if she wasn’t supposed to.
But no answer came.So, she finished the vacuuming.Then, she sent a group text to Rosalie, Mandy, and Tiffany.It was a short message.Just five words:I’m breaking up with Steve.
Oh, hallelujah!Finally.You got this.I’ll be praying for you.Rosalie’s reply was quick in coming.It was followed by a happy face from Tiffany and praying hands from Mandy, who added a single tear emoji – her way of apologizing once again for what happened in high school.
Love you.All of you.Esther replied.Thank you for sharing your hearts with me last night.
Any time.Again, it was Rosalie who replied first.Let us know how it goes.
Esther drew a second calming breath and pressed Steve’s name.
“Hey,” she said when he answered, “did you get Maddie over to Savannah’s okay?”He had texted last night that the girls would be spending the day together.
“Um… sort of.They’re together, but they talked us into going ice skating.”
