Her shout woke her mother, and she lunged to her feet, her golden, gray-streaked hair falling around her shoulders in a tangled mess. Her hands floated above Liane as if she feared to touch her, as if she were made of glass that might shatter at the slightest touch. She’d been like this once before, the morning after the first forest incident.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Should I call for the priestess?” Mother wrung her hands together, her eyes scanning Liane from head to toe.
Liane shook her pounding head, which turned out to be a mistake because it only made her headache worse. They needed to talk, and she wouldn’t do it lying down, but when she attempted to sit up straighter, Mother reached out to stop her.
“Don’t move too fast; you’re not strong enough yet.” Mother looked at her with a pleading gaze.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Liane said, grasping Mother’s hand to keep her from pulling away. No more secrets.
Mother’s shoulders sagged as she sat on the edge of the bed with her back to Liane. But she hadn’t let go of her hand, which she held onto with a vice-like grip.
“You don’t need to worry about that right now; focus on healing.”
“I think I deserve answers, don’t you?” Liane said it calmly, but a storm was raging inside her. She wanted to give Mother the benefit of the doubt before she cast judgment, but she was unreasonably angry. She needed to scream and bite and kick. All this time, she thought she was sick, but there was something inside her, and she never knew…
“I always knew I wasn’t the wielder of the sword, just a temporary guardian,” Mother began.
Liane inhaled sharply but held her tongue.
“I was desperate when I called upon the ancients for their help. I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to save the kingdom, and the Avatheos assured me it was my destiny. If I knew then the cost, I would have found any other way… but I cannot change the bargain I struck. To save the empire from my wicked uncle—Heinrich’s father.” She stuttered on the name, and their eyes met for a moment before Mother turned away once more.
For a moment, she saw the guilt in Mother’s gaze, and knew it hurt her to realize how wicked Heinrich was. They’d all been deceived by him, and she could forgive her for that. What was harder to forget was the lifetime of secrets she’d kept. Mother sighed, inhaled, exhaled, and then continued.
“I waited for the sword’s wielder for years and had the new Vice Premier consult the stars in anticipation. Then they chose you. My bright, shining star.” She turned back to Liane and stroked her forehead affectionally. And despite her anger, Liane found comfort and solace in the action. “I knew if I told the Avatheos, he’d take you to Basilia to train. He’d have stolen you as an infant from my arms. Your Father and I discussed it, and we agreed to wait until you came of age, and when the time came, we’d let you choose. The ancients might have marked you, but I wanted it to be your life.”
“What changed?”
Mother lowered her eyes to the comforter. “The night you were summoned, I woke in a panic, and like a woman possessed, I rode out to the place where it all began. I never intended to interfere, but as I saw you about to walk into that strange fount of corruption, I acted without thinking and called out to you. All I saw was a bright flash of light, and then you were lying on the ground, burning up with a fever. I thought the ancients had taken back the sword, and stricken you with fevers to punish me…” She shook her head, tears rolling down her cheek. “I did this to you, cursed you, I thought. I never knew the sword fused with you, not until you began to glow at the ceremony…”
A numb throb answered in her back as anger and relief warred within her. All this time, she thought there was something wrong with her, that the goddess had cursed her with fevers and a bad back, but in reality, the sword was inside her all along.
“I could forgive you when I was a child. I could understand your fears. No one wants to lose their newborn, but I’m twenty-six, past the age for kind lies. You never gave me a choice; you would have let me live forever thinking I was broken!” Heat flared in her cheeks; as her voice rose with each word, a faint glow covered her skin in golden light.
Mother recoiled, eyes wide and terrified. It wasn’t a lack of choice; she feared her, feared the power inside her, and something inside Liane broke. Tears flowed down her cheeks as her body shuddered with her own grief. At the life that could have been, at her own self-loathing all this time. Mother reached for her tentatively, offering comfort, and Liane leaned into her, grasping a hold of her, seeking reassurance as a child does in the embrace of their mother. She was angry at her for the lies and the secrets, but she loved her too and couldn’t seem to reconcile between the two parts of her.
Sniffling, she pulled back, and Mother cupped her cheek, brushing away her tears. “Liane, I love you, and I know I should have told you a long time ago. There’s no good excuse for what I did. But I hope you can find some way to forgive me...”
“I think I need to be alone for a while,” Liane said.
Mother, for her part, didn’t protest but stood up and headed for the doors, leaving Liane in silence and her thoughts storming.Where did she go from here?
35
Recovery was slow and painful. Liane languished in bed, tended by silent priestesses who treated her with a sort of hushed reverence. Guests came and went, giving her a vague semblance of normalcy. First, her father came to sit by her bedside. Not speaking much, but she knew he wanted her to forgive Mother and him. And it wasn’t that she didn’t; she’d be a hypocrite not to. She’d been lying as well, pretending with Erich. But her reality had been shattered, and she needed time to process.
Apart from him, Luzie was in and out delivering news of the outside world: Ludwig had been released from prison and absolved of treason. Without Heinrich to back them, all known stardust smugglers had been caught and were being tried for their crimes. Corrupt magistrates and wardens were being held accountable for their part as well. The vengeance she’d so long sought was being done, and yet she felt hollow.
Not long after Luzie delivered news of Ludwig’s release, he came to visit her. He wasn’t limping as much anymore, and when he walked in, she jumped out of bed and flung her arms around his neck, despite the priestesses’ protests. Liane dismissed everyone from the room and led Ludwig over to a nearby sofa, where they sat with their hands linked together. She studied his gaunt face. His cheeks were hollowed, and his eyes sunken. It reminded her of Elias toward the end, and she feared the worst.
“You’ve lost weight since you were in prison, weren’t they feeding you?” she said, knowing full well it was stardust withdrawal.
“You don’t have much of an appetite when you think you’re doomed to die,” Ludwig teased as he ran a self-conscious hand through his hair.
The thought sobered her. Ludwig had nearly died, would have if Heinrich had succeeded, and so would she had Erich not come to her rescue. She’d tried not to think of him much; it was better she forgot, but each time, she cast him from her thoughts, her mind wandered back to him. His deep golden eyes, his hands on her waist, and his lips against her. She’d never been able to thank him, and likely wouldn’t ever see him again.And that was for the best, she tried to tell herself.
“Any news of Erich?” she asked cautiously.
Ludwig shook his head. “We haven’t heard anything. There’s no trace of him or the elves.”
