“Right, but she’s good at what she does because she points out all the shit people refuse to acknowledge; she doesn’t let people move without accountability. We talked a lot, and each time I tried to blame you, she called my ass out.”
“Remind me to buy her a thank-you gift.”
“She has enough shit,” I said, shaking my head. “She talked bad to my ass a few times. Told me I was being selfish for thinking this was all your fault. I sat down one day and just listened to her tell me what I didn’t want to hear, and after she was done, I cried on Spelman’s shoulder. I hated to admit it, but she was right. We moved along the same path, doing the same shit, yet didn’t think to tell the other person.”
“My problem was pride,” he chuckled, then wiped his hand over his mouth. “I didn’t say shit to anyone because I didn’t want to admit I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought I could watch you love a square nigga and be happy.” He turned his head to look at me and gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I was wrong as fuck. Even if Grant’s ass wasn’t tied into all this shit, I wouldn’t have been able to watch you love that nigga.” His eyes went to my stomach. “Have his babies.” He licked his lips. “If you would’ve been happy with him, I would’ve walked away.”
“You know what hurts most out of all this?”
“Nah.” He lifted his eyes to look at me. “What?”
“We only got a few weeks of seeing what could’ve been our lives for those eight years I was married to Grant,” I answered. My hand went to my stomach and felt my daughter kick. “That was the happiest I think I’d ever been. Spending time with you without having to pretend that we were just friends. I was happy, Amethyst, and then it was snatched away from me. I walked into my house with every intention of that being the last time I walked through those doors, and when I did, I was going home.” My eyes swept the room. “I was going to come home to you, and our pig, and just be happy. I was going to tell you everything, and I knew that you’d handle it.”
“Sunshine--”
“I never hated you.” I shook my head. “Was I mad? Absolutely. But I never hated you as a person. I just hated what you did. We’ve been friends for too long for you to do what you did. Youhad people around you, people who knew you and what you were going through, and you sent me with people I didn’t know. I woke up on that plane, in that bed with a damn note, and when I walked out of that room, four sets of eyes were watching me.”
“I thought spending time with him and your sisters would make it hurt less,” he chuckled. “No lie, I just knew that y’all were going to hit it off.”
“And we did, after I stopped giving them the silent treatment because I was mad at you,” I laughed, and he smiled. “They are one of the best things that ever happened to me, and that was because of you, but it was also the scariest. I didn’t have anyone in my corner, Amethyst. No you, no Consonance, nobody.”
“I didn’t think about it like that.” He rested his head against the headboard. “Consonance cussed me out so bad for that shit, too. I mean, read me the riot act every time we saw each other.” He smirked. “She came over every damn day to cuss me out before she went to work. She didn’t care if I had just gotten off work or was on the way. If I were out of town, she’d call me on her way to work and cuss my ass out. I answered every time, too.” He shrugged. “Even though I knew she was going to talk to me like I wasn’t shit, I answered because I couldn’t answer for you.”
“Because she knew you were wrong, and so did you, which is why you let her cuss you out,” I laughed.
“I’m sorry, Sunshine,” he said.
I moved over so we were next to each other, and I rested my head on his shoulder. “I’m not.”
“For?” he chuckled. “You were fucking shit up damn near weekly and sometimes daily.”
“Nope,” I answered. “I needed those six months. I needed to see if I could breathe without you by my side. I was so dependent on you that I was lost for a moment, but once I found my footing,I was good. I needed those six months to prepare myself for my future.”
“Your future?”
“Yeah,” I said, nodding. I took a deep breath to help build my courage, then finally told him my other secret. “I’m not staying, Amethyst.” I felt him stiffen. “I need to start over. To get away from here. Away from every reason I had to cry.”
“Away from me?” he asked softly.
“I’m not sorry for shit that I did,” I said. Instead of answering his question, I went back to a safe part of our conversation. One that would have us laughing or smiling instead of potentially arguing. “You deserved it. You actually deserved more, but I didn’t feel like doing anything else.”
“Ay, I’ll take that.” He moved his arm and put it around my shoulders, and I rested my head on his chest. I was grateful that he didn’t push the conversation. I knew it would come up again later, but for right now, I was good. “You gave Tulane hell, though. Like for real. That nigga would call me every damn time and was practically begging me to come get you by the end.”
“Tulane is dramatic,” I sighed. “I didn’t do anything that he couldn’t handle.”
“Sunshine, you set his house on fire,” he chuckled. “I saw the pictures, baby Left Eye.”
“That was your mama’s idea,” I shrugged.
He sat up and looked at me with a surprised look. “My mama?” He fell back and laughed so hard his body shook. “My fucking mama got problems, man, because why would she tell you to do that?”
“Because I wanted to come home,” I answered with a shrug. “And Mama Diamond said go big to go home.”
“Remind me never to let you talk to my mama when you’re upset,” he said, shaking his head. “I love you, but you can’t burn down my shit and think it's okay.”
“Technically, you’re homeless,” I reminded him. “You don’t have any properties listed in your name.”
“You make it sound like I’m a broke nigga,” he kissed his teeth. “Like I’m surviving off you or something.”
