I’d been harboring a lot of feelings about Ami’s egg donor but I was surprised to hear him bring it up. Normally we just floated through life but I wasn’t opposed to wanting to speak to him abut it.
“Why do you think we need a professional in the room with us to talk about it?”
He sighed and I knew he was giving himself a minute to choose his words. I was thankful for his consideration and that he simply didn’t want to lash out. “I don’t want to say the wrong things, and I feel as though a guided conversation would be the best way for us to talk. Not about everything, but this is not something that I think I can navigate well.”
That was probably the most vulnerable thing I’d ever heard anyone say. “Okay. I’ll figure out where I can take Ami—”
“Tiana will watch her while we talk to him.”
Not that I doubted Tiana but I didn’t want Aldrich to be asking for favors when that lady needed to work. “How you assume that?”
“Because she already agreed when I asked her.”
I nodded feeling comfort that she would be with someone we knew while we handled this. “Okay, just let me know when you want to talk to him.”
“It’s good to see you, Money.”
I was so uncomfortable being here. I wanted to run away but I held onto the hand that had its fingers entwined in mine. Both of our palms were damp so I wasn’t sure who was the most nervous of the two of us. He was here to reveal his pain and I was here to hear it.Damn, I thought I was just coming to nanny for this man. But now I’m a nanny and an emotional support pussy.
Not really complaining about that part but still.
“Good to see you too, Doc.”
Doc, which is what he told me to call him despite the multitude of degrees and awards behind him on the wall that bore his real name. I appreciated his ability to remain casual despite his obvious success. I understood now why Aldrich wanted to see him.
“And of course you’re Sterling.” His smile was bright. The warm and welcoming type of bright that instantly made you relax.
“Yes sir, I am.” I cleared my throat and crossed my legs thankful that I’d worn pants in this office because it was cold in this office.
“You look nervous.” His observation was made in a gentle manner and I smiled as I heard the clock continue to tick.
“That obvious?” My laugh was nervous, and Aldrich squeezed my hand trying to keep me calm.
“It’s the normal state of things when people come and see me. I know it’s a great undertaking helping someone move past assault and Money’s case is complex for multiple reasons.”
“Because he’s famous?”
“Because he’s a man. And I’m sure that there are many feelings that are brought up when he thinks about it.” Doc looked to Aldrich who nodded his agreement but still didn’t speak.
“May I ask a question, Doc?”
“Of me or Aldrich?”
“Aldrich.”
Doc looked to Aldrich who turned to me. “You can ask me anything, Sterling. That’s why we came here.” He was dressed for practice because he was heading there directly after we left this meeting. We’d driven separate cars so that he didn’t have to stress about how I was getting home.
“How are you handling this?”
When he squeezed my hand again I gripped it back hoping that there was a little of my strength transferring to him through our bond. “I feel less in control than I assume other people do because I don’t remember anything. Because it’s just a blank. To me…in some twisted way I feel as though I have greater control when I at least know. Not anymore powerful but less powerless, I guess. There’s a video. That’s how I knew what she’d done. I watched it and it took everything in me not to lash out. At her and at myself for not thinking something like this could happen to me. I’ve always protected myself from being accused of being a predator that I didn’t take proper precautions to prevent being a victim.”
I had to wipe my eyes because I hated all of this. I wish I could drag that bitch up from wherever her parents had buried her and put a bullet in her head.
“Is that healthy? For him to have seen that? I can’t imagine that it is.”
Aldrich turned to me before Doc could answer, and he looked desperate. I’m sure he thought I was ready to bolt because of what I’d asked. “What’s bothering you, Ling? I never wanted you to know about the tape but we’re here so we might as well get it out.”
“I hate her. I love that little girl so much that the way I hate her mother is something I can’t ignore. And then how can I help raise her with this hate in my heart? I see what that girl’s deed did to Aldrich. How it has him isolating himself from us because he doesn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know about the tape and now so much has me angry at myself for not seeing the signs.”
