Billy stopped in her tracks and turned to me like she was going to pop me in the mouth. “Money, I negotiate your contracts so I know what you can afford. But you can also use this temporarily until you get your mind right and have the time to pick one out. You said you were going from being young, Black and rich to diapers and formulas. Well, this is one less thing for you to worry about right now. Okay?”
“I hear you.” She was right because right now I wasn’t sure I knew what the hell I was even supposed to be doing. I needed to shut up and follow her lead.
Billy jiggled her keys and motioned for me to hurry up. “Good. Now come on, we have to go see what’s what.”
I stood looking inside the NICU window at the little baby strapped in with little white circles all over her. I’d put the call in to my mother to let her know what was going on and she started praying immediately. I knew she couldn’t get away but having her protection even from afar was enough. I was still staring in this window almost afraid to go in.
My life was completely different and I always felt that when I had a kid I would be excited. My father was a great example of a man. He was strong and did everything he could to make sure we had enough of everything: love, attention and joy, even if moneysometimes came up short early on. He worked himself to death and I felt the need to pick up and take care of the family since he no longer could. Times like this, I wish he were here to guide me. He would understand what I was feeling. I had no attachment to this baby. It hadn’t been made during the heat of passion or even a sloppy hookup. My ass was drugged and didn’t even remember any of this happening. Not even when I watched it play out on the screen.
“Are you going to go in?”
I didn’t look at Billy and kept my eyes on the little bundle that was seemingly peaceful in the incubator. Little tubes were hooked up to its chest and even though I couldn’t feel a connection I still felt moved by the way this kid was having to fight so hard just as it had entered the world.
“I don’t even know what to do. Or how to move. I’m a stranger to that baby, Billy.” I lowered my voice to match the level she’d spoken in. I knew she was being careful not just because of who could eavesdrop but she was also worried about the kid.
“I get it. I’m sure you envisioned this happening many years further down the line and with someone you loved. But no matter how it got here, that baby is innocent. So even if you don’t want to keep it—”
My eyes went to hers and I had a frown on my face because she had me fucked up. “The fuck you mean? I’m not about to let a baby go into this fucked-up system.”
A small smile was on her face and damn I felt like she’d just tried to pull my card to make sure I wasn’t gone be a fuckboy. Knowing her she’d have my kid as a part of her brood if I tried some shit like that.
“I was just giving you your options.” She shrugged but I knew she had been pushing my buttons to check and see where my head and my heart were at.
“The only option I need is a trustworthy person to help me take care of it.”
“You really need to find out the sex and pick a name so you don’t keep calling the baby anit, Money.” Billy squeezed the bridge of her nose like she was sick and tired of my shit already. When she looked at me again, I glanced back at the baby with no name because Billy wasn’t judging me but I could tell that my lack of desire to be all in with this kid wasn’t winning me cool points. And since Billy was a woman I respected a lot, I didn’t feel bad letting her know how I was feeling.
“Going in there makes it real, Billy.”
She put an arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder. In her heels, she wasn’t much shorter than me so she didn’t have far to go. Despite how despondent I felt, I appreciated her trying to comfort me.
“It does. But one thing I’ve never thought was that you were afraid of anything. Walking through that door is probably the bravest thing you’ll ever have to do. It’s you being selfless and putting someone else’s needs above yours. It’s the first sign of your being a good parent. And your caring enough to realize what’s at stake lets me know you’ll be fine.”
I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t. I knew nothing about babies and even if I had a crash course how was I expected to take care of her on such short notice? We only had a few months until camp started and this wasn’t something that I had planned for at all. Even when the shit popped up on me, I hadn’t expected my life to change at all. My finances maybe, but not my day-to-day life.
“I’m not very sure.”
She took a quick intake of breath before she spoke to me again. “Brace yourself, there are two angry people coming your way and I’m assuming it’s that girl’s parents.”
I finally took my eyes off the baby that held my attention for so long and turned to scope out the scene that Billy had already peeped. She hadn’t been lying when she said that there were two people stalking toward me like I had done them wrong. One was an older man who looked Middle Eastern and the woman next to him who could’ve been Italian or something. I remembered the flags in the crazy bitch’s bio so this pale woman and the tan man could’ve easily been her parents.
They stopped just short of where we were standing their faces laced with outrage like I was an outsider. Truth be told, I kinda was.
“What are you doing here? You’ve been denying our daughter and her baby and now you want to show up? How dare you think you have a right—” The woman was pointing her finger angrily at me her heavily accented voice damn near screeching at me.
“Ma’am, before you say something that will easily get you put out of this hospital I’m going to ask you to leave my client alone.” Billy went into protector mode because I was sure she understood I was already on edge. I wouldn’t hit this lady but her husband would surely take on the beating her mouth was volunteering him for.
“Your client? And just who are you supposed to be?” The woman looked at Billy like she was about to get disrespectful and part of me wanted to watch Billy drag her up and down this corridor. Murda could’ve easily gotten his wife out of any scrape but I wouldn’t be a good friend to any of them if I let her get into some shit on my behalf.
Instead of being physical, Billy simply smiled and folded her arms across her chest.
“A problem you won’t win against if you keep playing with me. But for right now I’m his attorney. We would prefer you to stay away from my client while this situation is being resolved.”
“What situation? If you’re his lawyer just know we’re going to come after him for child support. We just lost our daughter and it’s your fault. She was so upset that you didn’t want the baby; you did this to her! It’s your fault my daughter is dead!” The woman took a step closer to me with her arms raised and Billy used her height to block me and mushed her head out of the way. It would’ve been comical if I wasn’t in the middle of the bullshit.
“Get your hands off my wife.” The woman was standing there in shock that Billy had put hands on her and when the man stepped to her like he was going to do something, I jumped into action.
Sliding my body in front of Billy I stood in front of the man who was the father of the bitch who’d ruined my life. He was a few inches shorter than me but I got close enough to him so that he knew I wasn’t playing with him.
