It took a verbal slap from his brother for him to realize it.
“Very well,” he said, wiping off his face and running his fingers through his hair, struggling to regain his composure. “Sean… I am sorry if I disappointed you. This is all so new to me and I’ve never been very good at controlling my emotions, as you know. I never learned to harden myself like most men have.”
Sean began to ease up, now feeling badly that he’d yelled at his brother the way he had, but he didn’t regret it. It had brought about the desired effect.
“That is what makes you so special, Keev,” he said. “You are a man of great and deep feelings. No one faults you that. But you cannot let them consume you. Above all things, you must do what is necessary, regardless of what you are feeling. Right now, it is necessary to go and speak with your wife.”
Kevin stood up, looking at his brother and sighing heavily. “I do not know what I would do without you,” he finally said. “For your assistance… I thank you.”
Sean smiled faintly, putting his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “You are my brother,” he said. “I would do anything for you.”
“And I am grateful. But there is something you should know.”
“What is that?”
Kevin paused before continuing. “If Juliandra will not forgive me, then I will not return to Wybren,” he said quietly. “I do not think that is being weak. I will never be able to heal if constantly surrounded by… memories.”
Sean understood. “Then return to Trelystan if it pleases you. Leave de Llion here to command. He knows the land.”
Kevin took a deep breath, perhaps one for courage with what he was about to face. “I do not know if I can even go back to Trelystan,” he said. “If my wife will not forgive me, I may have to leave the Marches altogether.”
Sean could hear the pain in his voice as he spoke. “You will not run, Kevin.”
But Kevin shook his head. “Not running,” he said. “I will return, at some point. I hope. Every man must do what he feels right for himself, Sean. Much like you, I have spent the past twenty years losing myself in a career that has become part of my blood. I’ve not had a rest in all that time. I think I may need… to rest.”
Sean could wholly commiserate with him on that. As Executioner Knights, they had constantly been on duty, at William Marshal’s beck and call, because the needs of the country were more important than the needs of the few. It was rare when any of them got away from it. He squeezed the man’s shoulder and dropped his hand.
“Understood,” he said softly. “Do you want me to go with you?”
Kevin shrugged. “If you can help me with Gethin’s corpse, I would be grateful,” he said. “But the rest… I will do on my own.”
Sean understood. “I’ll have a wagon brought around to the keep and we can bring the body up from the vault.”
Kevin nodded and turned for the door, but he was drunk from slamming back all of that pear cider and wasn’t walking very well. He tipped into Sean and Sean snorted, putting his hands on Kevin to steady him as they headed from the solar.
Within the hour, Kevin, Sean, Alexander, and William were heading out to The Neath under calm and blue skies.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
He ended upat The Neath.
Despondent and tormented after being chased away from Wybren, Aeron ended up at The Neath because he couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. Not even his own home appealed to him. While Glynn had fled with his men back to his stronghold, Adan had tried to follow Aeron, trying to force him to return to Llanwyffyn. He even promised him Lilia’s comfort for the night, but Aeron wouldn’t go. He didn’t want that cow named Lilia.
He wanted Juliandra.
He’d ridden to The Neath, that beautiful manse with the neat gardens and rich furnishings. He’d ridden up to the gates and pounded on them, demanding entry, but the servants wouldn’t open them. They were frightened of him and rightfully so.
Therefore, he sat outside of the gates, yelling and making demands. Not even Adan could get him to come away and go home, so Aeron’s tantrum went on through the night, filling the cold, moist air with his grief and fury. At some point, itdeteriorated into weeping and he called Juliandra names that were better suited for his worst enemy. At that point, however, shewashis worst enemy.
She had ruined everything for him.
Her and that bastard English knight.
A few hours before dawn, the weeping and raging faded away as Aeron lay down in the dirt in front of the locked gate and fell into a fitful sleep. Adan was still nearby, still watching everything that was going on, as his cousin slowly descended into madness because of rejection he had never truly expected.
His expectations had come to a brutal end.
Certainly, the reality that he would never have Juliandra had always been in the back of Aeron’s mind. At least, it should have been. Aeron had known that Gethin wanted nothing to do with him. Aeron had proposed marriage several times over the years, but Gethin had repeatedly denied him. At first, the denials had been polite, but the more Aeron persisted, the less polite the denials became.
