Get up, Genevieve. None of them would’ve wanted to see you like this, giving up on yourself.The voice echoes in my head.
Shaking my head, the tears started pouring once again. I know that this isn’t what they would’ve wanted, but how will I find the strength to continue?
Looking over at Ector’s chest with the small hope to see it going up and down, I get disappointed just as quickly.
Nearby, I find a bunch of pink tulips. I ripped them out of the ground and placed them on his torso. My lips leave a gentle kiss on his bloody hand before I let myself reach into his pocket and grab the map, the map that is now stained with the red liquid that had poured out from his body last night.
Shifting my focus to the baby in my lap, her eyes met mine, and in that moment, I could feel some type of hope forming within me. Such a small one, but something was there, something I couldn't place my finger on.
Carefully moving the fawn out of my lap, she manages to stand on her little legs, and I find the strength to do the same.
“Okay, little one. Let’s go and get my bag.” I say, moving towards the circle of trees where I thought I would find Ector by my side when I woke up.
Shutting my eyes as much as I possibly can without closing them entirely, not wanting to see what Ector looks like, my body starts moving, and the baby follows right behind me.
As I enter the small circle, I notice that my new diary and pen are placed on the ground. “It must’ve fallen out.” I say out loud and place it in my bag along the dagger I used a few hours ago to kill a grown man.
A grown man who deserved death.I remind myself.
And he was already close to death after Ector slit his throat. An image that will never be left behind. And no matter howdisgusted I felt with myself for even thinking about it, the thought satisfied me. It satisfies me knowing that Ector got his revenge before he died. He got to kill the man who tortured him for years, the man who took his mother’s life.
Taking deep breaths, I look at the map and try to figure out where we are. “We left Town Of Hell.” I point with my finger. “So I should be...” Suddenly, a ladybug lands on the map right beside my finger. “Here.” A shy smile appears on my lips.
“Thank you.” I say out loud, still feeling like I’m speaking to myself even though I know the animals are listening.
You can do it.Esme’s voice speaks in my mind, immediately giving me more strength.
Gently bending down, I take the fawn into my arms and lift from the ground. I can’t believe I almost forgot how to fly. Slowly lifting from the ground and trying to find balance in every muscle, it doesn’t take long before we’re up in the sky, the sun casting its rays around us.
Following the map, all I can do is pray to my angels that I’m flying the right way. I have never followed a map before, especially not by myself.
The sun is already setting, and the fear of being alone in the darkness is already taking over my mind. It’s slowly creeping in and telling me every terrifying scenario that I could possibly find myself in, in the near hours.
As a long river comes into view, I decide to land on the ground beside it and let the poor baby drink. And as it does, I take the chance to clean myself as well as I can before breaking down. As the evening cold water surrounds my body, my hands scrubbing every inch of me, blood starts flowing through the water. An immediate lump forms in my throat, and I could already feel the vomit going up my throat, but stops before it gets too high.
But I could see no difference. The whole of me was still drenched in the blood of a psychopath... And the love of my life.
“Oh.” I cry out as every memory from the past hours flashes before my eyes.
“Oh, Ector.” Another cry comes forward at the thought of his last words.
Leaving the water, I place myself on the ground and hold my knees close to my stomach. Breathing gets tougher every second and my body is shaking. And before I know it, I’m hysterically crying, screaming, all by myself in the darkness, one of my biggest fears.
“I could’ve saved him.” I hyperventilate. “I could’ve done... Something.” My eyes squeeze shut, body rocking back and forth.
The baby deer comes closer to me and starts licking my nose, and I can’t help but to giggle. I hated the sound. I was in no position to laugh.
“It tickles.” I say, scratching my nose to make the unpleasant feeling go away.
Carefully, she crawls underneath my arm and lies down close to my chest. “I guess it’s only you and me now.” My mouth wobbles.
And then, both of us drift off into a deep sleep, snuggling close to one another.
—
Waking up again a few hours later with a heavy heart and empty stomach, everything felt unreal. I was still waiting to lock my green eyes with his cold, yet warm, icy blue ones. I was waiting for his voice to say the nickname that he had chosen for me. I still hoped that I would be woken from this nightmare by Ector’s sweet voice calling my name. But it wasn’t a nightmare, it was real, and it was the flowing river that had woken me.
I was reliving the worst part of my life, and it hadn't even been a year.
