“I could go if you give me a list,” I offered, but he gave a sharp shake of his head.
“No, I want to do this. Ineedto.” His jaw was set stubbornly, and it made me fall even more in love with him. He was so strong, and I was incredibly proud of his resilience.
I abandoned my food for a minute and walked across the kitchen, opening the cupboard over the fridge, too high for anyone but me to reach without a chair. “I got you something,” I said, coming back with a small box.
He blushed sweetly, sitting Mia back in her swing so he could accept the box. “You did? What’s the occasion?”
“Happy Friday,” I told him, then laughed when he made a face. “Do I need a reason to spoil you? Besides, it’s not so much a gift as it is a… practicality.”
August frowned a little then opened it, and his frown deepened. “Thank you, but… what is it?”
I reached over and plucked it from the box. “Well, it’s a keychain. I’ve already added a copy of the house and car key to it, but—” I held a hand up to forestall the bubbly gratitude that was written plain as day all over his face. “This is the important bit,” I said, holding up the red tube, the perfect size to fit into the palm of his hand. “This is pepper spray.”
His eyes got comically wide. “Is that legal?”
“Technically?” I asked. Self-defense spray was legal, under certain guidelines, which I may or may not have followed.
“Never mind, I shouldn’t have asked,” he muttered, shaking his head at me. His gaze was trained on the canister in my hand, wary.
“If you’re going out on your own, you should keep this with you. Just in case.” I didn’t need to specify in case of what. It was the unspoken threat looming over us every minute of every day. If things were different, I would pack all of them up and move far from here, where Victor had no jurisdiction, but Lazlo’s practice was here, and Sammy had school and friends. No matter what, I knew we were stronger together, and so… pepper spray.
I held it up so he could see what I was doing. “Our first line of defense is that he won’t find you. Second line would be me kicking his ass. But if you’re ever alone, I want you to be able to defend yourself. If you ever see him, you run, but if he gets close enough that you need to use this, you point the nozzle right at his face and push the button. This is a gel, so it won’t blow back at you. As soon as he’s hit, you run. Got it?”
He nodded, and I passed it back to him. He sighed, but then he clutched it in his hand and nodded. When he looked back up at me, there was a fierce determination shining in his eyes. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, sweetheart.” Even if that meant teaching him how to stand on his own. As much as I wanted to believe that I would always be able to keep him safe, I had to be realistic. Victor had already taken so much from him—his choices, his freedom, his safety and confidence—and I refused to take anything else from him that was not freely given to me. Instead, I was determined to give it all back, no matter what.
18
August
EvenbeforeIgotout of the car, sweat prickled at my skin, a shiver wracking my body that had absolutely nothing to do with the onset of winter. I was glad I’d left Mia at home with Jerry, because my anxiety level was already high enough without worrying about protecting my daughter too. I’d scanned the entire parking lot—twice—but finally closed my eyes and forced myself out of the car using hard logic. The tiny store was nowhere near Victor’s part of the city. The chances of running into him were beyond slim. “I’m safe,” I whispered on repeat all the way to the front door, my footsteps rushing beyond the casual walk I’d attempted.
And sure enough, the store was almost entirely empty. The elderly greeter at the entrance gave me a welcoming smile, and I allowed myself to relax a little, even offering a strained smile in return.
The entire time I was at the grocery store, I used one hand to push the cart, while I kept the other one in my pocket wrappedaround my new keychain. While it did give me a certain sense of comfort, it also felt a little bit like a lie. Victor was a cop, and if anyone saw me blasting him in the face with my pepper spray, they would absolutely tackle me to the ground (in a best-case scenario).
I’d never been afraid before Victor, and I wished I could’ve met Jerry and Lazlo earlier… before I was broken.
Little by little, though, aisle by aisle, I could feel myself letting down my guard. A box of pasta, some tomato sauce, ground meat, a fancy-looking pie for dessert. I was making dinner. This was just… life. Nobody here cared who I was. They didn’t even look twice. The lady working the bakery wasn’t a threat to me. Neither was the pimply-faced teenager working the till or the harried woman in line behind me, trying to keep her toddler from launching all her groceries out of the cart.
So, when I saw the WE’RE HIRING sign at the front of the store, I caught the smallest whiff of what a normal life could feel like. I took out my phone and snapped a picture of the contact number. It would be nice if I could work again. Jerry and Lazlo had told me repeatedly not to worry about money, but I wanted to contribute. If we were ever going to have a real relationship, we had to be equals. Otherwise, they might start to resent me.
I would ask them what they thought later. It’d been months since I left. Victor probably wasn’t even searching for me anymore. He’d probably already moved on with someone new. And with that thought, I released my grip on the pepper spray and blew out a sigh. Yes, it was starting to feel like a real life was finally in my grasp. There was just one thing missing…Sex.
It was time for Operation Bone-Me-Already.
Dinnerwasalmostreadywhen Jerry came in from cleaning out the chicken coop, and I made an exaggerated reaction to the bird-poop stench wafting off him. “Yikes,” I muttered, waving a hand in front of my nose, and he laughed.
“I can take a hint. I’ll go take a shower before dinner.” As soon as I heard the water turn on, I raced around and set the dining room table, all three place settings close together at one end, then set a few candles around to add some romantic mood lighting.
Through the front window, I saw Lazlo’s car pull up in the driveway, and my heart began to race, but this was a different kind of fear than this morning at the grocery store. This was sheer giddy excitement. I was sooooo getting laid tonight. My underwear was growing a little damp at the mere thought of finally getting filled by them.
When Lazlo opened the front door, I was standing there waiting for him, trying to contain my grin. “Hi, hon,” I said, taking his bag for him, then helping him off with his coat.
He eyed me suspiciously as he kicked off his boots. “What are you up to, Auggie?”
“Nothing. What makes you say that?” I pressed a kiss to his cheek, when what I really wanted was to jump him. Jerry wasn’t here yet, though, so I had to be patient.
