“Then I guess we’re selfish too,” I told him.
It all felt like heaven—too good to be true, in fact. A tiny voice in my head told me it wouldn’t last. An alpha and an omega made up a couple on their own. Why would they need me, a useless beta? It was only a matter of time before they figured it out for themselves.
The all-too-familiar insecurities lingered as I listened to their breathing even out as they drifted off. Even if they let me in for now, it was temporary, and I told myself to enjoy it while it lasted. I felt cold and itchy, and I knew the only way I could move forward was to protect myself, preparing for the worst. And losing them would absolutely be the worst—rock bottom. It would wreck me. I never should’ve let myself hope. I tipped my face into the pillow to soak up my silent tears.
No matter how much I told myself that the brief joy would be worth the pain, it wasn’t until I started rebuilding my walls that I finally managed to fall asleep, our legs still entwined.
17
Jeremiah
Palemorningsunlightalwaysseemed to find a way through the crack between the blackout curtains, painting a stripe across my eyes. That wasn’t what woke me up, though. And it wasn’t the mouthwatering aroma of pancakes or the scrape of forks on plates either.
It was the cold sheets of an empty bed.
Over the past couple months, I’d grown quite comfortable with having two men in my bed. I could barely remember what it felt like to sleep without a warm body at my side. I didn’t even mind August’s bony elbows or Lazlo’s adorable snoring. The only part that I was starting to get a little frustrated with was theunderwear. Mia was in her own room now, mostly sleeping through the night, but we were still stuck in limbo. We’d been taking things slowly, nothing past second base, but all that meant for us were three cases of blue balls.
I was more patient than most red-blooded alphas, but in this case, it was Lazlo who seemed reluctant to push for more. Ithought it was the doctor in him, worried about hurting August after the birth. I’d tried explaining that there were plenty of other things we could be doing that didn’t involve penetration, but he’d dug his heels in, and there was nothing I could say to change his mind.
Groaning, I palmed my morning wood. I could easily take care of this myself, but it seemed unfair, knowing that my would-be lovers were currently downstairs, just as unsatisfied as I was. “Dammit,” I cursed, throwing the blanket back. I dragged on my pajama pants, ready to start my day.
Because there were three of us now, there’d been no reason I couldn’t go back to work. I wasn’t juggling everything myself anymore, and I was actually a bit surprised by how much easier it was. There was no need for babysitters in the evening anymore, and Sammy didn’t even wake up when I got home late because he knew Lazlo and August were here. They handled breakfast so I could sleep in after working late, no more afternoon naps required, but I still found myself waking up earlier than I needed to, simply because I missed them all and wanted to spend more time with them.
I found Lazlo in the front hall, packing his bag for work. He hadn’t officially moved in yet or anything, but most of his wardrobe had slowly made its way over here, and this morning he was dressed in a blue button-up and navy tie, looking particularly tasty. “Hey, what are you doing up?” he asked as I reached the main floor, giving me a quick peck on the lips. “You didn’t get home from work until almost 3am. You know we can handle breakfast.”
“I got cold,” I growled, snagging him around the waist before he could escape and dragging him back for a deeper kiss.
He allowed himself to melt into me briefly before he pushed off my chest roughly, groaning under his breath as heat mirroring my own blew his pupils wide. “I’m going to be late forwork if I don’t get moving. Why don’t you grab yourself some pancakes?”
“That’s not what I’m hungry for,” I sassed under my breath, but I headed into the kitchen where I found the rest of the family.
“Morning,” Sam mumbled around a mouthful of what looked like an entire pancake. A glance at the clock told me he was running late. And he knew it too. He shoved back from the table, still chewing, and dumped his dishes in the sink. “Bye, Auggie,” he said, giving August a quick hug, before he stopped to give Mia some loud kisses on her cheek where she was sitting in her swing. She couldn’t sit up on her own yet, but she was a lot more stable than she used to be, and she certainly loved her big brother. “Bye, ladybug,” he said.
She rewarded him with some gurgly squeals I swore were giggles. Ugh, my heart. Those two were just the cutest together.
Sam tried to slip past me, just as the bus gave a honk at the end of the driveway. “Bye, Jer.” I managed to snag a quick hug, and then he was gone, jumping into his boots and winter coat, out the door in a flash.
“Lunch kit!” I yelled for the hundredth time this year, running after him across the slushy layer of early snow with his lunch in hand, chilling my bare feet through.
When I came back in, Lazlo was just on his way out. “Sorry to eat and run, but…” He stopped beside the table and dropped a kiss on the top of August’s head, but the way Auggie tilted his head up, it was clear he’d been hoping for more. Me too, Auggie. Me too. He smiled tightly through his disappointment.
Lazlo stopped to give me a fast kiss too, before he was throwing on his coat. “I will be home for dinner, but text me later and let me know how your day is going. Okay?” It was in this brief moment, this pause before he left for the day, that I saw a glimmer of the longing he felt. There was no denying thathe cared for us and what we were building here. He called this his home, and I knew he meant it, but there was still something standing in his way, keeping him from wholly committing. I wished I knew what it was. I wanted nothing more than to give him everything he needed, but he was so guarded. “Right, well… have a good day.”
As the door closed behind him, August’s sigh was loud in the sudden silence, post morning chaos. I turned and smiled at him. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, he’ll come around.” I bent down and gave him that kiss he’d been hoping for, slow, deep, with just enough heat to get our heart rates up.
“Mm, good morning to you too,” he rasped, fanning his face. I hoped he didn’t ask me to take him to bed, just the two of us. It wouldn’t feel right without Lazlo, who clearly wasn’t ready for this next step. I just couldn’t figure out the why.
I scooped Mia up out of her swing to give her morning cuddles. “Has our ladybug eaten yet?” I asked.
“She sure has—twice—but you haven’t. Let me make you a plate.” He jumped up from his chair, eager to do something for me.
I knew he was getting antsy cooped up in the house all the time. He’d barely gotten out over the past two months, and never alone. He was convinced that Victor was still searching for him and that his face would get picked up by a security camera to let his ex know where to find him. I had to admit, I wasn’t too keen on the guy still being out there either, but it wasn’t realistic for August to stay locked up here forever. That wasn’t freedom.
“So, I was wondering…” he began as he took Mia from me and nudged me toward a chair, setting a plate of fresh pancakes on the table in front of me. “Could I maybe borrow your truck this afternoon?”
I paused, fork in midair. “Sure. How come?”
August lowered back into his chair beside me, his eyes focused on Mia. “Well, Sam’s got that birthday slumber party at his friend Carter’s tonight, so I thought it would be nice if I could make you guys dinner, but I need to pick up a few groceries.” His voice was carefully measured, and I knew he was anxious about going out, even if it was just a quick trip to the store.
