Lazlo had given me a book about baby’s first months, and I’d started reading it last night. There was something about cluster feeding. Was that what this was? It seemed early for a growth spurt. Maybe I didn’t get her to drink enough last time she was up—or the time before or the time before that.
“Okay, Mia, okay. I hear you. I’m working as fast as I can,” I choked out as a fluttery panic threatened to overwhelm me. Everything was so…urgentwith a baby. Feed menow. Change my diapernow. I tried to rock the cradle with my foot while I reached for the formula. I’d been hoping to pump some milk too, but I was simply too tired. I said I could do this, but I was starting to think I spoke too soon.
There was a knock on the door, and thank gods I forgot to lock it, because there was no chance I could make it across the room right now. “Yeah?”
It cracked open, and then suddenly, they were both there. Shirtless, their pants tugged on sloppily, zippers undone, revealing a peek of dark curly hair trailing into underwear. I tried not to look…
“All right, you’ve put yourself through enough. It’s our turn now,” Jerry said, taking over. I hadn’t even needed to ask for help. They just…knew.
And just like that, I burst into exhausted tears. It struck me that no one had ever taken care of me like this before. Not my mom, and certainly not Victor.
Lazlo was crouched at my feet in an instant. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” His hand went straight to my forehead to check for fever, but I just shook my head, using the sleeve of my pajama shirt to wipe at my eyes.
“It’s not that. I’m just so, soooo tired,” I hiccupped out. “Why won’t she sleep? She hates me! It’s my fault. I’m doing everything wrong!”
“You’re not doing anything wrong, baby,” he said, his hands coming to rest on my knees. “You did just right! But Mia’s stomach is still too small to hold much, so she’ll need to eat every couple of hours. She’s got a lot of growing to do. But she’ll also nap a lot during the day, which is what you’re going to do too. You need your rest too.”
Jerry, meanwhile, had scooped Mia up and was holding her to his tattooed chest with one thickly muscled arm, making a bottle with the other. Why couldn’t I do it like that? “You’re not alone in this, August. We’ll take her the rest of the night so you can sleep.”
There was a distant part of me that knew I should balk at being told what to do. Victor had told me what to do all the time. “Wear the blue shirt.” “Don‘t you think you’ve had enough to eat?” “Stop talking, you’re giving me a headache.” But when Jerry did it, it wasn’t because he was controlling or selfish. I knew without a doubt that it was because he actually cared and wanted the best for me, and for Mia.
“A-Are you sure?” I asked, picking at the seams of the homemade quilt covering my lap. The creep of nagging guilt was always nudging at me. Biology made me her dad, I was supposed to be able to do this. Omegas had been doing it for thousands of years.
But there was no resentment when Lazlo smiled at me. “Of course we’re sure. Haven’t you ever heard it takes a village to raise a child?” I had, but I’d never given much thought to the expression before. If that was true, then why were we made to believe we could do everything on our own?
While Lazlo sat on the edge of the bed and fed Mia, Jerry packed up the basinet and the formula and bottles and moved it all to their room. Even though I was exhausted, it made me feel… empty to have it all taken away from me. The post-partumhormones were doing a number on me, and I felt like if I didn’t let it all out, I might burst.
Once Mia was back asleep in her bed, Jerry and Lazlo came back one last time. “Do you need anything else?” Jerry asked, his eyes raking over my baggy pajamas, the bags that were no doubt sagging beneath my eyes. “Do you have enough water? Need help walking to the bathroom?”
No one had ever made me feel so safe, so cared for as these two men, and before I could think twice about it, I pushed off the bed and threw my arms around Jerry’s neck. He caught me around the waist and hugged me back, so warm and gentle. “Thank you,” I choked out. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you both.” And then when I pulled back, I went to kiss him on the cheek, completely innocent, I swear, but at the last second, he turned his head and I caught the corner of his mouth.
He gasped, a puff of breath on my lips, and I shoved back in a panic. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to—I would never! I know the two of you are—”
They were both shaking their heads, talking over each other. “No, no, it’s fine,” Jerry said, while Lazlo rushed to add, “Things between us are…” but he trailed off, as if unsure how to finish the sentence.
What was he going to say? Complicated? Platonic? Hotter than hell? I was suddenly insanely curious about how things were between them.
Jerry sighed, shoulders sagging. “We would never expect you to do anything to earn your place here. You know that, right? Nothing financial, nothing physical. Our help comes with zero strings attached.”
“I-I know,” I stuttered, nodding. And it was true, I did. They’d made it very clear and hadn’t pressured me to do anything other than rest. “But I think there is one thing I owe you, and that’s an explanation.”
Lazlo tried to interrupt, his usually smiling face marred with a frown. “August, you really don’t have to—”
“I know. But I want to. You deserve to know how I ended up here and why I… was ready to give up my daughter.” I wanted them to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t love her, but because I did! I felt like they were giving me a second chance at being a father, and I needed them to know I deserved it.
They shared a look, and then Jerry nodded and said, “Okay, but not here. Will you come to my room?”
I agreed because that felt like the right place to bare my soul, surrounded by their warmth, their scent. Without asking if I was in any pain, Jerry came to my side and carefully picked me up. “I can walk,” I told him.
“This isn’t for you, sweetheart. It’s for me.” That melted my heart, and instead of fighting him on it, I submitted fully, resting my head on his shoulder.
I’d been right about their room. Pure comfort. It was filled with their combined musky scents, and the dim bedside lamp showed the bedsheets were rumbled seductively, the pillows all in the middle of the king-size bed as if they couldn’t stand to be apart. And just as I was painting the mental picture for that little scene, Lazlo darted forward quickly, and I caught a glimpse of a bottle of lube before he shoved it into the bedside drawer. He saw me watching and gave a small shy smile, paired with a shrug. Maybe things were less complicated between them than I’d thought.
The stab of jealousy I felt was entirely irrational, but it strangely helped when Jerry set me down in the bed, right in the middle of their mess. I didn’t hesitate to pull the blanket around myself as I propped myself up against the headboard, breathing them in.
Lazlo sat down on the bed beside me, leaving a gap of several inches between our bodies. Jerry, meanwhile, perched on theedge as far away as possible, watching over Mia’s sleeping form. He’d said the accidental kiss hadn’t been a big deal, but his body language said otherwise. He was closed off, every muscle coiled tight.
Dejected, I curled my knees up to my chest, resolved to go through with this. “The first time I met Victor was at a coffee shop. We talked for a few minutes while waiting in line. He was handsome, older, more mature, and I figured it was just a little harmless flirting with a man I would never see again.” I shrugged like it was no big deal. If only I could go back in time and tell past-me what future this interaction set in motion. “I did see him again, of course, when he showed up that weekend at the club I was at with a few friends. We danced, and I let him buy me a few drinks. All pretty harmless, I thought. I didn’t go home with him at the end of the night. Later, he’d accused me of being a tease that night.”
