Leo’s eyes widened with hurt, and I clamped my mouth shut.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I said after a moment. “But it upsets me that you were trying to…control me. If I want to sleep with someone, that’s my choice.”
He looked at his lap. “I know,” he said after a while, his voice so soft, it was almost a whisper. “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just…”
He didn’t continue.
“You just what?” I asked.
He didn’t answer, just swallowed, his throat moving.
“Leo. Look at me.”
Slowly, he did. At first, he only turned his head, eyes lowered, but after a few moments, he raised them to meet mine.
Part of me didn’t want to ask. If Leo had been someone else, I wouldn’t have asked because some men get defensive. Some might start swearing and shoving. But I knew Leo wasn’t that type of person. He’d never do that. So, I bit the bullet.
“Were you jealous?”
His face told me everything I needed to know, and my stomach swooped like I was falling down the peak of a rollercoaster. It was fun, for about zero point two seconds. Fun and thrilling and exhilarating. Until it wasn’t.
“I mean,” he said after a long silence. “You’re…um…how do I…how should I…um…uh...You’re really nice, Winnie.”
“Nice,” I echoed. My tutors were nice. The lady at the student help centre was nice. Rome was nice.
Leo didn’t say anything, but he looked tortured.
“You said you were straight,” I said.
“Yeah,” he mumbled, “but I’ve never done anything with anyone. I haven’t even kissed someone. Apart from when you kissed me.”
“I kissed your hand,” I corrected. “And your neck.”
“Are you saying it doesn’t count?” Leo asked.
“Well, it wasn’t on your lips.”
Leo was quiet for a long time. “Do you like me?” he asked.
“I went home with you after our fake date, didn’t I?”
“That’s not an answer.”
“I can’t like someone I can’t have. You told me you were straight. We decided to be friends.”
“So you don’t like me?”
It was a trick question. If I said yes, that’d be the end of our friendship. If I said no, I’d be lyingandhurting his feelings. “I won’t allow myself to entertain the possibility.”
“That’s still not an answer,” Leo said.
I looked away, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head.
“Winnie?” he asked.
Part of me wanted to snap at him for the stupid nickname. I could hurt his feelings and shatter the moment and send him home, and it would be cruel, but it would end the twist in my gut that felt like I was about to fall off the edge of a cliff.
“If I knew I had a chance, then yes, I would,” I admitted. I placed my glass on my cluttered coffee table just to have something to do. Sitting still on this couch made me feel claustrophobic, and once again, I was extremely aware of all the parts of my body that touched Leo’s.
