I stare at him. He isn’t going to argue? “No. I need to talk to Senior about it first,” I answer.
“Okay.” He parts his lips to say something else, but something in my face makes him change his mind.
He turns away to pull his socks on and then slides into his polished school shoes. He grabs his schoolbag from the floor and nods at me before leaving.
There was something unsaid in his expression. I wonder what’s up with that.
19
Jasper: Boys' Bathroom
I scrub my hands hard with soap and stare at my reflection in the mirror. The boys’ bathroom is empty. Everyone’s heading to class now since assembly just finished. Assembly went well. I didn’t mess up any of my speeches, and Mrs Abbot gave me an approving nod. I should tell my parents about it. I haven’t talked to them in a while.
The door slams open and I startle. A moment later, Kieran appears from behind the safety wall, his top button undone and his tie loosened.
“Jesus,” I say. “Do you always open doors like you want to kill someone?”
His eyes meet mine and his expression shifts from bored to something I can’t name. He looks around the bathroom, at the empty urinals and cubicles, then walks up to me.
I go still, soap suds dripping off my fingers into the sink. Kieran gets close until his chest is flush against my shoulder. He leans his face close and my stomach swoops because I think he’s going to kiss me —
“You look stressed,” he says instead, reaching out to relax my shoulders.
I realise they were hunched up and stiff. “It’s nothing,” I say, and loosen my body. Whenever I’m around Kieran, my worries about my parents and school fade away.
I turn the tap on and wash my hands, all too aware of Kieran close to me. I swear I can feel his breath tickling my neck. Then he leans forward, and my body tenses as he presses his pillow-soft lips against the space under my ear.
“Kieran,” I breathe, but unable to move. “Someone could catch us.”
“There’s no one here.”
“But —”
He kisses me again, this time against my jaw. I try not to react, despite the heat pooling in my stomach, and reach over for paper tissues to dry my hands.
“We’re in a bathroom,” I say, a weak protest.
“So?” he kisses me again, the corner of my mouth this time.
“So, there are germs.”
“It’s fine,” he says against my skin. “I’ve never gotten sick before.”
That makes me pull away, and I take the opportunity to throw the paper towels out. Kieran’s kissed in bathrooms before. A boys’ bathroom? A boys’ bathroom at school? I know he’s slept with another guy before. I wonder…
I push that thought away, because otherwise I’ll feel weird and…angry…and I don’t want to deal with those emotions right now.
I turn back to Kieran and ignore the question in his gaze. Instead, I reach up and fix the top button of his shirt. “This drives me crazy every time I see you like this,” I say, adjusting his tie.
Kieran looks at me with a hint of a smile on his lips, and I glance away, focusing on the tie.
There’s another thing about Kieran that’s been bothering me. It’s what he said last week, in his bedroom.
I already feel shitty enough about it, so I don’t need another thing to feel guilty about.
Those words replay over and over in my mind. It never occurred to me he felt guilty too. I always assumed he just took and took and took, but maybe I was wrong.
Even though I’m just a poor, public school kid, that doesn’t mean I don’t have any dignity.
