I slump my head against the soft couch and let the happiness from my English grade fizzle through me. It fades, though, because I keep thinking about Henry.
“There is someone.” The words come out.
I keep my eyes forward, but in my periphery, Ben’s head turns.
“It won’t work out, though,” I continue.
“Why not?” Ben asks.
“They don’t feel the same way.” I turn to face him. “I don’t want you to hate me if I tell you.”
“You don’t have to tell me, Noah,” he says. “And I’m not going to hate you.”
I nod.
“Unless it’s my ex. Don’t fall for her charms because she’s a bitch,” Ben jokes.
I laugh, grateful to ease the tension. “No, it’s not her.”
“Good.”
“And I want to tell you,” I say. It will make me feel better, the way I felt lighter after I talked to Eve that first time.
“Okay.”
I don’t take a breath or clear my throat. The words fall out.
“It’s Henry,” I say. “I’m gay. And it’s Henry.”
I don’t have time to see Ben’s reaction. His face is a blur because he’s leaning over and wrapping his arms around me.
“Of course I don’t hate you, Noah,” he says, head over my shoulder. “Of course I don’t. Thank you for telling me.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” I murmur.
“I love you,” Ben says. He pulls away and makes a face. “Is that too sappy? Who cares? I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say, laughing. Half of it is genuine laughter at the funny exchange, and half of my laughter is nervous.
“Henry, huh?” Ben asks. “It makes sense. You’ve been friends forever.”
I nod.
“You have good taste. He’s good looking.”
I punch him on the shoulder. “Don’t tease me.”
I think we should stop.
My smile fades and my eyes blur.
Ben’s saying something. Comforting words. “Tell me what’s wrong. It’s okay.”
I clench my jaw, but that doesn’t stop my eyes from moistening.
I tell Ben when I first realised, and how much angst I felt about it. How much angst I still feel. I leave out the details about Henry and my sex life — both because I don’t want to tell my brother about that, and I don’t want to reveal something Henry wants kept a secret — but I tell him the emotional stuff, and finish with a vague rec1ount of Henry and my fight last night.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs.
