I see both Kennedy and Liam at lunchtime. In my head, I thought it'd be a dramatic, momentous moment, but when I make eye contact with Kennedy in the canteen line, her eyes slide over me like I'm not there at all. The only way I know she saw me is the way her jaw slightly tightens. I see Liam walking with his friends, but he doesn't see me. There's no awkward climax like I worried about for the past few days. Maybe I've been overthinking this whole thing in my head when in reality we'll all just ignore each other. Part of me feels like that's worse.
After school, I enter the Year 12 common area to make myself a snack before driving home. Since the busses clog up the main road, I have to wait fifteen or twenty minutes before I can drive out of the student car park.
Today, the common room is empty — usually, a group of friends will lounge on the circle of couches, while people gather around the kitchen bench to boil water for their ramen or use the microwaves or toasters. I'm grateful for it though because I don't want to make small talk. In the peaceful silence, I place a cheese, ham and tomato sandwich in a sandwich press.
The door to the common room opens, and I flinch at the sound. When I see who's come in, my heart kicks up like a motor. His tie is loose and his pants are too short for his long legs and his hair is messy as ever.
"You surprised me," I say.
"Sorry, I scared you," he says at the same time.
"That's okay," I say.
I stare at him until the sandwich press light flicks to green, and I busy myself with sliding the toastie into my plastic sandwich container, burning my fingers.
In my periphery, Liam pushes a container into a microwave, then glance at me and clear his throat. "What are you eating?" he asks.
I show him. "Ham, cheese and tomato."
"Classic," he says.
"You?"
"Pasta. I always pack extra food for after school. My bus ride home takes forty-five minutes, so I can't wait that long to eat." Is he chatting normally, or is he babbling? Does he feel as nervous as I do?
"Won't you be late for your bus?"
He shakes his head. "My bus leaves last, so I have time."
I nod, then take a bite. As I swallow, I make eye contact with Liam. He looks away, scratching the back of his neck.
The microwave beeps, and he takes his container out and opens the lid, a small curl of smoke escaping. I wonder if he's going to leave, but he pulls a fork out of his blazer pocket and starts eating here. Warm relief floods my body.
He raises a brow at me when he catches me staring. "What?"
I say the first thing I can think of. "Do you always keep cutlery in your blazer?"
"Just a fork."
"Doesn't it get dusty?" I ask.
"It's fine. My pockets are clean."
"That's… kind of clever."
His shoulders relax, and he huffs out a small laugh. "I started doing it in Year 8. It's because I kept using plastic forks from the canteen, and Kennedy said…" Liam's face twists at the mention of Kennedy's name. I try to keep my face plain. "… she said that was bad for the environment," he finishes.
We focus on eating, and I don't stare at Liam, letting my eyes check the doors and windows, praying that no one else will enter, praying that Liam doesn't have to leave. Then I can't help but look at him. His cheeks are still a little pink from the wind. He's so cute.
"I continued watching that anime," I say when the silence becomes unbearable.
"You did? What episode are you up to?"
We chat about it for a while, and Liam's surprised with how many episodes I've watched since the day I left. I'm not much of a TV binger, but I needed to do anything over the past few days to stop myself from ruminating or doing something stupid like texting Liam. I don't say that, though.
"We should have kept watching it together." It slips out of Liam's mouth. He looks down, and after a minute, says, "I, um… I told Kennedy. The day after you left."
"Oh," I say, and the hand holding my toastie tightens. "How did she react?"
