Or me, because I was friends with him in a way I’d never been friends with Levi?
Before I could recover, Levi jumped up and asked where the bathroom was. Thankfully, Max answered and I didn’t have to try to formulate words or sentences or stop panicking.
I still couldn’t speak when he walked back into the room, but I’d at least been able to reposition my body so it seemed I was watching the movie.
And not him.
Twenty minutes later, Max’s snoring drowned out the sound of the TV. He’d fallen asleep staring at it and his head was at a funny angle, his glasses cockeyed on his adorable face. Smiling, I jiggled his leg and tried to wake him up.
“Max,” I said softly. “The movie’s not over, babe.”
He mumbled incoherently and rolled to his side. At least his snoring improved.
Levi chuckled softly and said, “I think he’s out.”
“It was a big night for him,” I laughed. “I’ve heard discovering Star Wars for the first time is no joke.”
“You sound unimpressed.” I felt his eyes on me, but I was too busy to look at him. I had a sleeping child to take care of obviously.
“Oh, no,” I answered, distracted. “I was so impressed. So very impressed.” I grunted as I tried to lift Max off the couch by picking him up from underneath his armpits. His arms flopped to the side and I nearly collapsed on top of him. “Max, why are you so big?” I asked no one.
Levi moved behind me, “I can carry him.”
“Oh, no—”
“Seriously, I insist,” he said. “I can take him to his bed, you just point me in the right direction.
“Uh…” Sure enough, Levi scooped him up like he weighed nothing, and I was left scrambling out of the way, so I didn’t get hit by one of Max’s flying feet.
“Which way?” Levi asked.
“Down the hallway,” I said, scurrying to my feet so I could show him. I pushed Max’s door open and hoped for the best. I couldn’t remember what it looked like this morning. Had it been clean? Had it ever been clean? “He’s in here.”
I turned the bedside lamp on and pulled down Max’s covers so Levi could lay him on the bed. My heart punched my breastbone in response to the sight. I don’t think I’d ever seen another person put my son to bed. If my mom did it, I was not home. Mixed emotions flooded my body like a pot boiling over.
Levi leaned over him to make sure he set Max down gently. He grabbed his glasses, folded them carefully and set them on the nightstand. And it was there that I lost whatever remnant of my heart had been holding out against Levi Cole.
How could someone so tall and muscly and stuffed with testosterone, be so completely soft and sweet? How could the same obnoxious boy I knew from my childhood be this kind, considerate man in front of me now. How could I ever reconcile the Levi Cole I thought I knew with the man I was getting to know?
“I’ll let you do your thing,” he whispered on his way out the door and my knees nearly buckled from the weight of emotion pressing down on my shoulders.
I waited for Levi to step into the hallway before I walked over to Max, tugging the covers to his shoulders and kissing the top of his head.
I sat there for a full minute, just brushing his hair back from his forehead and trying to make sense of my life. “I love you a million, Maximillian,” I whispered next to his cheek. His full name wasn’t Maximillian, but I’d been whispering that same phrase to him since I’d brought him home from the hospital.
“I love you too, Mommy,” he mumbled with his eyes closed and his hair already rumpled from sleep.
Tiptoeing out of the room, I crumpled against the wall. My breathing wasn’t steady, and my heart was trying to convince me it had just finished a full marathon. Even my hands were shaking.
“Get a grip, Ruby,” I whispered to myself.
The last seven years of my life had been so devoid of these feelings. Ajax was the only relationship I’d allowed myself to indulge in, but even that was… mild compared to this.
I had butterflies in the beginning with Ajax, but nothing like these, nothing like what Levi made me feel. I’d been smiley and happy and excited to see Ajax early on, but again, Levi had taken whatever amateur feelings I’d experienced with that sham of a relationship and squashed them.
That or my feelings had been taking steroids over the last two months.
Walking into the living room, I found him sitting on the long couch. He’d sat down in the very middle of it, making it seem small and inadequate for his size. His knee bounced rapidly, revealing nerves I didn’t think he was capable of feeling.
