Although sometimes I was wrong. My door was crackedwhen I finally made it to the top of the stairs. She must have just gottenhome.
I shut the door behind me because I was a normalperson and had a healthy fear of local serial killers unlike my roommate, andthrew my keys down on the entryway table. “I need a ginger ale stat!” I calledto Frankie in our darkened apartment. “And an industrial strength toothbrush. Ijust had the worst five hours of my life.”
The light clicked on in the living room and I stumbledback, hitting the wall with my shoulder. Ow.
“Caro,” Atticus snarled from the middle of my livingroom.
“How the hell did you get in here?” I demanded.“Where’s Frankie?” I took a slow breath when I saw my dad. Vinnie and Brickwere there too. And a couple of the other goons Atticus liked to work with.“What’s going on?”
I had to strain to hear Atticus over my poundingheart. “A little birdy told us you’re working with the feds.”
Snorting a sardonic laugh, I walked past the posse ofthreatening men and straight for the refrigerator where I retrieved an ice-coldginger ale—the only thing that could cure my excessive morning sickness thatironically lasted all day. And night. “Do you know what I spent my day doingtoday, Atticus? Driving three and a half hours to see my boyfriend, visitinghim in the federal prison he’s been sentenced to for the next decade. And then Idrove home. Sounds pretty loyal to me.”
“We know you’re loyal to Sayer,” Atticus barked. “Butthat doesn’t mean you’re loyal to thebratva. Someone’s working with the fucking FBI, Caro. Wethink it’s you?”
It could be me. It would have been so easy to make itme. But it wasn’t.
“Well, I think it’s you,” I told him quickly, sternly.“But I know without a shadow of a doubt it’s not me. Get your facts straight.”
It wasn’t me. I had played around with the idea of goingto Mason, giving him whatever he wanted from Sayer. If Sayer wasn’t going totake the deal, maybe I could for us both. Maybe Sayer wouldn’t even have toknow.
But it would never work. First and foremost, Masonwanted information that only Sayer or someone at his level could give. All Icould do was incriminate myself and Frankie and Gus. The second reason was thatSayer wouldn’t necessarily get the deal. If I gave up everything I knew, theymight move me to WITSEC after trial, but there was no guarantee that Sayer wouldget released. In fact, I was pretty sure that Mason would keep Sayer forever ifhe could. Sayer was as guilty as the rest of theavtoritet, our captains, so Masonwould feel compelled to punish him.
I would be without Sayer after that. And he would neverforgive me for snitching. Going to the feds was not an option. No matter howenticing the deal sounded, I couldn’t take it.
This time I wasn’t lying to Atticus. I really wasn’tworking with the feds. I did, however, chat with them occasionally… Or enoughto give the appearance that we were working together.
And if thepakhanever found out how much that would be it for me.They’d hand me over to Atticus. I’d never see Sayer again.
And I didn’t have just Sayer to think about anymore.My hand went reflexively to my belly.Protective, defensive,feral.
“Caroline,” a deep, accented voice said from behindme, forcing me to turn around. It was Roman. I’d spoken to him a few times overthe years, but I avoided him as much as possible. He was the scariest person Ihad ever known. I still had nightmares about him from when I was a kid and liedto him about stealing from Atticus.
Although I usually felt better whenever I saw Sayerwearing the necklace I risked everything for.
“H-hi, Roman.”
He was flanked byDymetrusandAleksander, all of them equally terrifying.Equally evil.
“You say you don’t know anything about the FBI,” Romanwent on. “And yet we hear rumors that it is because of you that our Sayer is inprison. Help us understand.”
I licked dry lips, thankful that I had already thrownup every single thing in my stomach. Otherwise I would be emptying it here andnow, right in front of thepakhan.
“The last thing I want is for Sayer to be in prison,”I told the room full of scary men. “I love him. We were talking about gettingmarried before he went away.” My voice broke with real emotion. “I hate thismore than anyone.”
“We are trying to make sense of everything,”Aleksandersaid reasonably. “We hear that you are thereason, but we see you together and feel that it is real between the two ofyou. That you love him. But that he also loves you. Very much. Why wouldsomeone say this about you if it is not true?”
“Jealousy?” I suggested. “Revenge? I don’t honestlyknow. But it’s ridiculous. Listen, I was raised to respect this life. I’ve beenworking for you since I was thirteen and you’ve always treated me rightly,fairly. I’m not some newbieSixthat got scaredbecause of a few FBI agents sniffing around.” I took a deep breath and preparedto reveal some truth to authenticate my lie. “Listen, I was interrogated justlike everybody else. When we were all arrested, I was one of the last that theytalked to. I won’t lie and tell you that I was totally cool, because I wasn’t.I was nervous. I was probably pretty jittery. But I’m not a snitch. I’m notcollaborating with anybody. And I know how to keep a poker face. I’m tellingyou,whatever is being whispered about me is all bluster. Nocircumstance.”
Roman stepped forward, taking his place in the centerof the room. It looked as though he and his brothers had been hiding in mybedroom, waiting for me to come home. I immediately felt icky. Had they beensnooping?
What had they found?
“And how will we know if you’re telling the truth ifyour poker face is so good?”Dymetrusasked.
“What do you want me to tell you? I’m not working withthe FBI. I have nothing to hide from you. I have no reason to go to them. Ilove my life. I am grateful for what thebratvahas done for me… forSayer. The brothers are my family. I would never leave, never betray you.”
“Caro, if you know something, if you’re doingsomething, tell them,” my dad encouraged. My eyes bugged out. I could notbelieve him. “If you’re truthful with them, they are not unreasonable men.”
