“I know what you mean.” I tried to stay engaged, but something had happened to me after Grady died. And I supposed after I forged my friendship with Ben. I had very little patience for superficial these days. I simply couldn’t stomach it.
These lives we lived were a gift and precious and so short. I wanted to spend my time authentically, surrounded by people I truly loved. I knew there was a time and place for small talk and it wasn’t as though I wanted to get into something deep with Melissa before the play… but it was hard to listen to her fake laugh while my family waited for me in the auditorium.
“So, listen,” Melissa started. “I know we haven’t seen a lot of Blake lately, but Tanner has been begging to have him over now that he’s, well, you know… better. So I was thinking-”
“There you are,” Ben appeared at my side. He slid his long arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him.
My cheeks bloomed bright red and I tried not to be skittish. “Hey, where are the kids?”
“With your sister.Katherine and Trevor got here early to save us seats.” All of his attention focused on me. His sincere eyes watched my face carefully; his arm wrapped around my body and shielded me from the dangers of elementary school parents.
If I cared about Melissa’s opinion of me, I would have desperately wanted to explain this to her. And I couldn’t deny the shame and embarrassment that mingled in my chest. I wanted to run away or shove Ben out the front door and tell him to wait for me in the car.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone else that I had seemingly moved on already.
But the truth was, I hadn’t moved on. I couldn’t have explained it to others if I wanted to. I still very much grieved Grady. Ben was just… Ben. A man I couldn’t say no to and a relationship I didn’t want to let go.
And Melissa was not my friend nor did she deserve an explanation.
That did not lessen my urgency to get to my seat where she could stop judging me with her curious eyes.
“I’m Melissa,” she interjected anyway. Her hand shot out to take Ben’s. “I’m the room parent for Blake’s class.”
“Hi, Melissa.”Ben shook her hand but didn’t offer any more details abouthimself.
Melissa’s wide gaze shot to me. I nearly laughed. “I’ll call you about the play date,” I told her. I left her to watch after us as we walked back toward the entrance to the auditorium.
I groaned as soon as we were far enough away from her and leaned into Ben, pushing him sideways. “She’s going to go run and tell all the other mom’s I brought a gigolo to the spring play.”
“Do I look like a gigolo?” Ben sounded truly alarmed.
I started laughing, I couldn’t hold it back. It started in my stomach and worked its way through the rest of my body. I had to stop walking and prop myself against the wall, too hysterical to hold myself up on my own.
Ben put his hand on my shoulder and chuckled with me, although his wasn’t quite the full-body laugh that mine was.
“Are you okay?” he asked after another minute. “I didn’t mean to make you the center of gossip. I can go tell that woman I’m your cousin from out of town if that would help.”
“Oh, god, don’t do that!” I stood up and slid my hands to his waist. “That would severely back fire on me. Can you imagine if we’re still together next fall? Then they’dreallytalk. I can only imagine those rumors.”
“We will be.” His voice was so serious that I had to look up at him. He stared at me intently, searching my eyes and my expression for something I didn’t know if I could give him. “Liz, this isn’t a fling. You know that, right?”
“I know you think that, but-”
He slid his fingertips along my cheek until he cupped my face with one of his big hands. “Liz, I know this isn’t a fling.” He dipped his head, bringing his lips only an inch from mine. “And you do too.”
My eyes fluttered closed when he kissed me. I couldn’t help it. This was the worst place for him to kiss me, but we were mostly alone in the hallway. The rest of the hustle and bustle had moved into the auditorium, ready for the play to start.
I had too many doubts to believe that Ben and I could be long term. Until he kissed me like this. His tongue swept across my bottom lip and then dipped into my mouth for a sweet taste. Our mouths pressed together in a sensual meeting that left me breathless and warm even though it was brief.
He pulled back and hit me with one of his intense looks. “Not a fling,” he reiterated.
I bit my lip, hoping to savor him for just a moment longer and shook my head at him. I couldn’t analyze his words or his kiss or the fact that he had just very publically kissed me. We might not have had a large audience, but we had enough. Word would spread.
I didn’t know how to feel and so I decided to think about it later. I wanted to enjoy my kids tonight, not obsess over potentially negative thoughts. And so I decided to enjoy this moment with him and not stress.
Well, until we turned toward the auditorium and found Katherine waiting for us near the doors. My stomach plummeted while I tried to read her gaze. Ben’s hand reached for mine and squeezed tightly, urging me to be brave… to be confident.
I tilted my chin and promised myself I would talk to Katherine about Ben… soon. If she brought it up.
