I felt myself falling apart, crumbling into irreparable pieces that would be crushed into ash. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I had become some angry, ugly creature and I didn’t know how to go back.
That wasn’t true. I knew how to go back to whom I used to be, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t go back to the person that I was before Grady died and I couldn’t bring Grady back to me.
I had ruined Thanksgiving, but Grady’s death had ruined me.
Chapter Twelve
I opened the pantry and then slammed the door closed. There wasn’t anything in there! Damn it. Where had all the food gone?
“Mom!”Blake and Abby called from the entryway at the same time.
“What?” I attacked the refrigerator and searched through every drawer.
“There’s a guy at the front door!” Blake yelled again.
I stood up and spun around. I stared at the stove. If I stared long enough would something magically appear?
“Who is it?” The staring trick was not going to work. I needed to figure out something fast for dinner or my kids were going to mutiny. Grilled cheese?
“The guy with the pool!”Abby shouted as an explanation.
“Ben?”
“Yeah,” Blake confirmed. “Ben!”
“Let him in!” Poor Ben had probably heard every single word exchanged between us, but there was nothing I could do about that now.
Dinner needed to be made ASAP.
I heard the front door open and a low voice greet my kids.Jaceran for my feet, hiding between my legs. I opened the refrigerator again. There had to be something in here.
“I’m in here!” I yelled for Ben’s sake. Lucy and Abby started fighting over something. Girlish screams erupted from the kid craft table.
“I just followed the deafening sounds. I found you.”
I whirled around to greet Ben face to face. He looked like he’d come straight from work. His tie had been pulled off, his top button undone and his cuffs rolled to his forearms. His dark hair was more tussled than usual, as if he’d run his hands through recently.
“Hi,” I smiled at him.
He stared at me for a few long seconds. “Hi.”
His gaze unnerved me so I went back to searching through the cabinets. Nope, no dinner waiting for me in the Tupperware drawer.
“Is this what it’s always like over here?” he asked on an amused chuckle.
“Always,” I said with my head back in the pantry.
“I like it.” From the tone of his voice, I could tell he actually believed he liked it too.
“Give it some time,” I warned. Blake and Abby started fighting about which pencil they were supposed to use for homework. “Blake you have the orange Ninja Turtle, Abby you have Raphael!”
“What are you doing?” Ben asked in a genuinely interested tone.
I glanced over my shoulder to see him leaning on the kitchen island.“Trying to stop the fighting.It will only last a second though. Just wait.”
He grinned at me. “No, I meant in there. What are doing to your kitchen?”
“Oh! I’m,er, trying to come up with dinner. I need to get to the store, but I just… haven’t gone. So, now I’m trying to figure out what kind of meal I can make from a bottle of ketchup, parmesan cheese and frozen peas.”
