I loved Trevor like a brother, but watching him like this made my grief double. I couldn’t hurt for both Trevor and me. I couldn’t hurt for all of us and expect to be able to breathe through this pain.
I pushed back from the table, taking my clinging kids with me. “Trevor, we’re all sad. We all miss Grady. But you’re killing him all over again by killing his company. And the first time is hard enough. I will not grieve him twice. Figure something out or I’m going to sell it.”
His face went white and Katherine jumped to her feet, knocking over a glass of water as she went.
“Liz, you don’t mean that.”
I whirled on her. “I cannot watch thatcompany implode, Katherine. I won’t do it. Grady trusted Trevor, but he didn’t want this.” I turned on my other two children. “Get your shoes on, Guys. It’s time to go.”
“But we haven’t had dessert!” Abby complained.
“Abs, we’ll have something when we get home. Let’s go.”
Katherine looked absolutely distraught. “Liz…”
“I’m sorry, Katherine.” I felt sick to my stomach. I was not a confrontational person, but I hadn’t been able to stay quiet. “I really am. I didn’t mean for that to… Or say… I think it would be better if we left now.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
Trevor dropped his face into his hands and I had to turn away when his shoulders started shaking. I couldn’t watch him cry. I couldn’t watch a grown man breakdown because of me and my stupid words.
But I couldn’t make myself apologize either.
I’d meant them.Every word.
Getting in the car took longer than I wanted it to. The kids were not motivated to leave their nana’s house. Katherine insisted we take the pies back home with us and I didn’t have any energy left to fight her.
She helped me pack the kids into the car and load up some leftovers. We said clinical goodbyes and promised to call each other.
She kissed all the kids and then just as I had climbed into the driver’s seat and she stood in the side door saying her last goodbyes, she said, “Grownups fight sometimes.” I spun around to watch her smooth things over with my shaken children. “That doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. Your mommy and Uncle Trevor love each other very much, but they also loved your daddy. It’s hard for them without him here. You’ll forgive her for yelling at Uncle Trevor, won’t you?” They must have nodded. “I love you all. I’ll see you soon.”
She stepped back and I closed the door before she could say another word.
It wasn’t until we had pulled into the garage at our home that I had finally calmed down enough to offer them the apology they deserved.
I turned the car off and turned around. “I’m sorry I ruined Thanksgiving.”
They all looked at me and let my words settle over them.Jaceand Lucy had already moved on, but the older kids would remember this.
Finally, Blake unbuckled and walked over to me. He threw his arms around my neck and said, “Mommy, it was already ruined without dad here.”
Tears started flowing again. He never called me mommy. I looked over his shoulder at Abby and asked, “Forgive me?”
“Is Uncle Trevor really going to ruin daddy’s job?” she asked thoughtfully.
“Not anymore,” I promised her.
“Okay.” She hopped up and opened the door so she could jump out. Apparently that was all the affirmation she needed.
Blake let go and helped get the little ones out so I could carry the pies inside. We spent the rest of the day cuddled on the couch, eating pie and ice cream.
By the time I tucked them into bed, both pies were gone and I should have felt a lot guiltier than I did. They kissed me with sleepy smiles and didn’t bring up my fight with Trevor again.
I didn’t know if they would remember this into adulthood; maybe it would be one of the reasons that sent them running to therapy or maybe they would forget about it before the morning. But I did know that I had behaved inappropriately today and they deserved better than that.
Better than that version of me.
So did Trevor and Katherine.
