“You don’t have to stay.”
“I know that too.”
He tucked his hands into his pockets and stood there stoically. He didn’t make a move toward the kitchen even though the kids were calling his name. He watched me instead, without saying anything, without seeming to want to say anything.
The quiet was too much for me. I couldn’t look at him there without filling up this space that separated us in some way.
“How have you been?” I was thrown off by how much I wanted to touch him. I had broken it off with him in an attempt to end my heartache, but ending things with Ben had only worsened the pain. I had been a mess before Ben left, but now… now I was a disaster.
Maybe on the outside things had gotten marginally easier. We could make it to school on time this year. I didn’t forget nearly as many after school activities. Dinner had fallen into a routine. My kids brushed their teeth twice as much as they did last year. But internally… internally I was a pile of ashes. I was broken, jagged pieces that cut and tore and damaged everything they touched.
One of his eyebrows rose in a challenge to my inane question. “How haveyoubeen, Liz?”
I cleared my throat and banished the tremble that threatened to give me away. “Oh, you know… holding it together.”
He took four steps forward until he stood just a few inches away from me. His dark, stormy gaze hit me with the power of a hurricane. “Liar,” he accused.
My lips parted, something was bound to come out of them. I just had to think of it first! He turned away from me and walked into the kitchen. I stared at his back and decided that was probably a good thing.
I didn’t know what I would have said. I doubted it would have been kind. Or maybe it would have been the truth.
I missed him…
I needed him…
I didn’t know how to reconcile my feelings for my husband and for him, but I wanted to try it again…
Those thoughts scared me more than anything. So, like the pro I was, I buried those thoughts as far down as I could and moved on to helping Abby with her science project.
While Ben helped Blake with his homework and talked to the kids about school and the rest of their summer, I made the best damn monkey diagram this world had ever seen.
Okay, it was probably a B+ effort. But we tried.
I worked with Lucy on her flashcards while Ben and Blake made dinner like they promised. We sat down to grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup as a family with the addition of our estranged next-door-neighbor.
“How are your parents, Ben?” I asked over the laughter of children.
He looked up from where he had just painted Abby’s nose red with tomato soup. The wide grin he wore died as he looked at me from across the table. His shoulders stopped shaking with laughter and his entire demeanor grew serious.
He hated me.
And why shouldn’t he?
“They’re good, Liz.”
Okay, that attempt at conversation was a bust. Apparently he didn’t want to make this easy on me.
“How’s work?”
He took a patient breath and said, “It’s good, too.”
I was too stubborn to give up. I should have stopped but I couldn’t. “Lucy’s art project is going to be featured in the school art fair next month.”
His level gaze held mine, “I know. Emma told me.”
Betrayal hot and sharp cut straight through me. “Emma?”
“Yes, Emma.”
