“Why is there a time limit on the down payment?” I asked, feeling like the wind just got knocked out of me.
“It’s an extremely difficult facility to get into. There is a huge waiting list and it’s only available to the patients that are the worst off. An opening became available suddenly and the only reason Declan was offered it was because we have an inside connection. But if I can’t deliver the down payment then the spot will go to someone else.”
He ran another hand through his hair and looked down at the ground. His jaw was ticking constantly and the tension was rolling off him. He looked so vulnerable right now I had the strongest urge to wrap my arms around him and kiss his temple.
He looked up and our eyes met. He must have seen something in mine, nerves, fear or sympathy, even I wasn’t sure what he saw. But he softened just a little and then seemed to realize we were both standing in the middle of the dark track without shirts on.
“Come on, you’re probably freezing,” he held out his hand to me and I took it.
I could have resisted, but not when he needed me. And this time, he definitely needed me but not for the same reasons five minutes ago.
“Declan? That’s your brother’s name?” I asked quietly. “Is he older or younger than you?”
“He’s younger. He’s only nineteen,” Fin answered softly. I knew instinctively that he didn’t talk about his brother much, maybe at all. And not because he was embarrassed of him, I could feel his pride and strong love. Fin was the kind of guy that wouldn’t talk about him because he felt like he needed to protect him. I wasprivilegedto have this conversation with him; I knew that in the core of my being.
When we reached my shirt, Fin waited for me to pull it on and then we walked over to the bleachers while he put his shirt on.
“Fin, why does the down payment fall to you? Where are your parents?” I asked, realizing I knew nothing about him. Other than he was fast, ran an illegal ring of internet gambling and was hot.
Wow. I had never felt shallower in my life.
He cleared his throat and then sat down hard on the bench. He looked up at me with huge, dark eyes and I was lost again. Lost in his gaze, lost in his presence, lostto him. I didn’t know what else to do but sit down and lean into him.
“My mom left us shortly after Declan was born. It was too hard on her, having a special needs baby and trying to take care of a toddler all the time. My dad was in the army, so he traveled all the time and we moved every couple of years. She was alone a lot. She couldn’t deal, so she left. I haven’t seen her in, in a long time. My dad did the best he could, but he couldn’t raise us and keep his career, so he sent us here to live with his mom, my grandma. She raised us for most of our lives.”
“Where’s your dad now?” I asked on a broken whisper. My heart hurt for this little Fin that was abandoned by two parents and left to raise and take care of his brother who needed so much help. A tear slid down my cheek before I could even register it was falling.
“He died three years ago in Afghanistan.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and just let the other tears fall. I couldn’t stop them; my heart was breaking for Fin.
“Ellie,” he cleared his throat, his voice growing even more serious, “I don’t share all this with everyone because…. it’s not that I’m embarrassed.I’m not. It’s just that it’s hard for people to understand, it’s hard for them to treat it how it should be treated.”
Not knowing if that was a warning or a plea for help, I slipped my hand through the crook of his elbow and rested my head against his shoulder. He didn’t shove me off or try to get away from me so I hoped what I was doing was Ok.
“And now my Grandma can’t take care of Declan anymore. Hell, she needs someone to take care of her. But Declan’s big for her, and his seizures are getting worse and he’s not able to eat like he should. We’ve always had help come during the day, but now my Grandma needs help at night too. This facility is our best opportunity until I can get out of school and start supporting him.” Fin’s voice was firm and authoritative. I finally understood why he sounded so in command all those times before, he had lived his whole childhood being a grown up.
“How much longer till you’re done?” I asked.
“In May I graduate with my undergrad, so that leaves only…. eight more years to go.” He shot me a sheepish smile and rocked against my shoulder.
“Holy hell! Eight years? What are you majoring in?” I was shocked. A total of twelve years was just as long as Britte was in for.
“Radiology. I’m going to be a radiologist. Or at least, that’s the plan. I’m still waiting to hear back from my top choices for med schools.” When I gaped at him, he continued, “I have to do something that will support Declan and me. My dad had life insurance but it’s been mostly used up to pay for Declan’s home medical help. I should be able to cover his monthly rent easily enough but the down payment is killing me. My Grandma can’t help much and she won’t be around forever. And my mom is worthless. I’m all he has. I have to plan for the future.”
“Do you want to be a radiologist?” I asked like he had a choice in the matter, like Fin would be doing something he didn’t want to.
“Sure, but most of all I want to take care of Declan. That’s all I really care about,” he finished firmly. “That’s all I’ve ever really cared about.”
“You’re a good man,” I whispered but I knew he heard me when he tensed next to me. “I’m sorry I accused you of turning me into a hooker. That wasn’t fair.”
He snorted a laugh. “I get your argument though. I’ll stop trying to seduce you.”
“Thank you,” I laughed back. “You almost succeeded.”
“Did I?” He swiveled to face me, his eyes heated with that same intensity.
“Well, your kissing could use some work, but your hands seemed to know exactly what they were doing.”
