Ugh.
Fin’s mouth dropped to my stomach and he trailed kisses along my belly, past my navel, and down to my hip. His hot breath fanned out across my skin raising more goose bumps and making my need sky rocket.
“Ellie, I need you,” he whispered against my skin. He lifted the waistband of my shorts and licked a hot path just under my hip.
“Fin,” I gasped, forgetting my argument completely.
My heart was hammering in my chest, my body alive with Fin’s attention. I had never been kissed like this before, never been touched like this. Like if he didn’t keep touching me, keep exploring me he would die.
But then I remembered his words. “You win.”
Seven thousand dollar hooker.
He probably didn’t even realize what he was saying. Most likely he thought he was doing a good thing. And I could easily let him believe that he was.
But I would always know.
That would always be whispered inside my head. Back and forth until it both felt like I had no worth and that was all the worth that I had.
And other than this hot lust, Fin and I had nothing to keep us together. When it was over, I alone would be left with the consequences.
“We can’t,” I whispered so light I barely heard myself. His shoulders tensed with just the hint that he heard but he kept kissing me, back up my stomach, over my other nipple, and back to my jaw. “Fin,” I whispered louder. “We can’t.”
He sighed as if he were afraid this would happen. “You’re right,” he admitted and I was surprised at how easy he was ready to admit that. “I’m a selfish prick for doing this to you in public. We’ll go back to my place.”
He sat back on his knees, a satisfied, promising smirk lighting up his face. He reached out to me and pulled me up to sitting.
My resolve faltered again. His eyes promised wicked, delicious things but at the same time he was reassuring and protective. He would take care of me. He would make this special.
“Ugh, no.” I sounded exasperated and Iwas. “We can’t do this ever. Fin, you can’t let me out of this bet like this. You can’t let me pay of seven thousand dollars by taking me back to your place.”
“Ellie-“ he stopped short and my meaning sunk in. “Ellie, that’s not what I was doing.”
“It kind of is,” I argued weakly. I was so embarrassed, so ashamed. My skin flamed red, and I was finding it hard to look in his eyes.
“No, it’s not,” he growled, obviously upset. “I would never treat you like that.Never.”
“I know you wouldn’t intentionally treat me like that, but you know nothing can happen between us that replaces the debt. It, I, I just can’t demean myself like that.” My voice was trembling with emotion. This was so embarrassing.
“So being with me is demeaning?” he cocked his head back, shocked by my confession.
“Being with you when I’m basically charging seven thousand dollars for a good time is demeaning, Fin.” I snapped. Suddenly I was horribly self-conscious in just my sports bra. I glanced over to the starting line where I left my shirt it in a pile; it was half the track away.
“Ellie! Come on!” He groaned. “You cannot think so little of me. I have never once thought of you like that, of our situation like that.”
I scrambled off the mat and started my hurried walk of shame around the track. Fin was fast behind me, reaching out for my hand and spinning me around to face him.
I was so angry all of a sudden, so furious. He was pushing me when I had so much more than him on the line. And the stupid thing was that I believed he never thought of me like that but only because he never thought this through. He was just acting on impulse, on some badly timed attraction.
“Fin, I believe you. But that money is important to you. You need that money. You’ve told me so yourself. So what happens after tonight, or next week or the deadline for your down payment comes and goes and it’s my fault you don’t have the money?” I yanked my hand away from him, ignoring the pained look on his face. What was more was that this whole thing was so stupid since it wasn’t even my debt to begin with! “You’re willing to forget about it right now because of, because of…. that.” I waved awkwardly in the direction of his lower half. “But when it goes away so will your respect for me. So will my respect for me.”
Fin stood staring me down, breathing heavily and seemingly at a loss. His face was pained and his shoulders were stiff again. “Goddamn it, Ellie,” he finally spat and then ran two hands through his hair. “It’s for my brother.”
Silence hung heavy between us as I tried to make sense of that.
“Your brother?” I finally asked.
“He has,” he seemed to struggle for the right words and then finally said, “He has cerebral palsy. He’s severely handicapped. And it’s been left up to me to care for him. I’m trying to get him into this really nice facility and they require a fifty thousand dollar down payment. I’ve been saving up for a while and I’ve done my best, but I’m seven thousand dollars short. And even with all the scheduled games coming up and the big game in a week. I’m going to be short.”
