The day must have caught up with me or maybe it was Ryder’s constant back and forth that gave me whiplash strong enough to jar my filter out of place. Or maybe I had just had enough.
Whatever it was that pushed me over the edge made it impossible to stay quiet for a second longer. “I get that I hurt you,” I snapped at him. “I get that I messed up and ruined your trust forever and all of that. I get it. Believe me. But you can’t keep doing this!” His eyes grew wide with confusion, so I growled with frustration, but slowed down my outburst long enough to explain it to him. “You can’t keep icing me out at the same time you make these huge sacrifices for me. You’re cold, then hot, and then right back to frigid! I can’t keep up and it’s giving me a headache. So pick. Pick which one you’re going to be and let’s just commit to it.” His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and I started to think the tick in his jaw might be strong enough to break some teeth, but I was too furious to stop now. “Do you want to hate me? Or do you want to save me? Because honestly, at this point, I can’t tell and it’s driving me crazy!”
His lips twitched and I swore on everything that was ancient, if he laughed, I was going to jump out of this car and take my chances with Nix. “You’re right,” he finally admitted. “I have been sending mixed signals and I should apologize. It’s probably because I want both of those things and I’m not getting my way no matter what. I should have known it would be like this with you.”
“What is that supposed to mean!” I didn’t mean to scream like a harpy, but he was turning me into one!
“I want to save you, Ivy, but it’s not that easy! And I want to hate you!Believe me, I want to hate you so bad. But,I can’t. And that’s what’s drivingmecrazy!You’redriving me crazy!”
My head nearly exploded with frustration. I felt the pressure building like too much air in a balloon. “Nope. I do not accept that! You’re drivingmecrazy!”
We stared at each other for a hot second. I panted breathlessly. My vision narrowed to include only Ryder. I took in his sharp jawline covered in a day’s worth of stubble, his full lips, and slightly crooked nose. I focused on his untamed, rebellious hair and then my eyes fell to those gunmetal grays that glittered with just as much emotion as I felt pumping through my veins.
We collided in the center of the Bronco. His lips crashed against mine at the same time my arms flew around his neck. Our kisses were punishing, bruising, almost violent, but neither of us slowed down. I lost all conscious thought as soon as his lips touched mine and I only continued to slip into the madness brought on by this staggering passion.
I nipped at his bottom lip roughly and his hands slammed on my waist, hauling me as tightly against his chest as he could. His kisses were demanding with their intensity, but each one lit a fire beneath my skin that threatened to burn me alive.
I had never been kissed like this before.
I didn’t even know kisses like this existed.
All I could think about was Ryder’s lips moving against mine, his tongue tangling with mine, his warm palms slipping beneath my tank top. All I could feel was his skin against mine, the heat of his mouth, the possessive sweetness of his hands, the utter destruction his body demanded from mine.
He was the place my mind always went to, the place my soul called home.
He was the place my heart called love.
And I had been without him too long.
“Ivy.” My name was a prayer whispered on his lips.
I whimpered in response, knotting my fingers through his wild hair. I let myself get lost in the feel of him against me, the taste of him, the pressure of his body against mine.
God, how had I lived without this for so long? How had I ever given this up?
He slowed us down until his lips moved with an aching tenderness that shot straight to my belly and wrapped around my bones until I felt safer in this moment than I had in the entire last year I’d spent on my own. I shook with emotion as I tried to pour into this kiss everything I still felt for this man.
Everything I had always felt for him.
His grip on my hips relaxed until he could slide his palms up my back and draw me impossibly closer against his chest. Our mouths knew exactly where to go and how to slant. They had memorized each other all those months ago in a way that I would never forget.
My heart raced in my chest. It beat so fast I was afraid I would black out. My blood tingled with the heat of our connection and the anticipation for what was to come. I never wanted to leave this moment. If this became my forever, I would be happy to live out my days here.
With Ryder.
With his touch.
With his open heart that had always beat so steadily.
With his soul full of conviction and beauty.
With his mind that was untouched by the ugliness of my world and bent to things that were moral and right and good.
With him. I was just content to be with him.
Sometimes, when I was at my lowest or so utterly alone that I thought I could shatter to pieces and nobody would notice, I would imagine a safe place for me to go. I would picture a place where Nix couldn’t reach me or find me or touch me. I would be free from the Pantheon and Olympus, from the horrors of my past and my mother and anything that wanted to harm me.
I would know freedom in a way that I never had before.
