“Yeah, well, I had an opportunity to get out, to escape and I took it. I know I left Ryder behind. I know I destroyed whatever was between us. But I had to get out, Phoenix. I had to leave. I could not stay when there was a chance the life I lived was going to kill me.” I thought about that for a second and then clarified, “No, not a chance. Iknewthe life I lived was going to kill me. Without a doubt.”
“You’re making it very difficult for me to take Ryder’s side, Ives. You should have said something sooner. We would have helped you. Hell, my parents would have let you move in with us.”
I shook my head to let him know that it was impossible, but his words sunk into me with a sweetness I wasn’t used to. “My family would have never let me leave. They would have come for me. When I say I escaped, I mean, I left the country. I got as far away from this place as I could.”
“Wow,” he whistled. “You’re not kidding?”
“I’m not kidding.”
He pressed his hands together and dropped them between his knees. His shoulders slumped with a defeat I knew was born from his genuine spirit. He just now realized how helpless I truly was and how helpless he was to save me.
“So Ryder?” He pressed. Apparently he wasn’t going to let me get away with any secrets. “He was in his accident the same night you left. Was that uh... connected?”
In a small voice, I admitted, “My godfather did that to him.”
Phoenix’s eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t think of anything to say.
“I know,” I whispered. “I was protecting him, Phoenix. I know he won’t ever look at it like that, but I was. I… I couldn’t imagine anything worse happening to him.”
Phoenix shook his head, visibly trying to gather his thoughts. “I don’t think that’s what he wanted, Ivy. Ryder didn’t seem… scared.”
The lingering accusation filtered through the room. It hurt. It hurt me more than my self-deprecating thoughts ever had. I didn’t want Phoenix to say so easily what I had known for so long.
“Can we not talk about him right now?” I whispered. “I heard the song. I get it.”
Phoenix pressed his lips together and nodded his head, an outward sign that he would leave Ryder out of this.
“So why’d you come back? Is it safe now?”
I had been asking myself that same question all night. “No. It’s probably worse.”
“Then why are you here, Ivy? I’m worried about you.”
“I heard that Ryder was in trouble,” I admitted. “I heard that Exie and Sloane might be in trouble too. I told you my family was bad news. They are. I wouldn’t be surprised if they went after everyone who knows me just to get to me.”
“Ryder’s fine,” he answered immediately. “We’ve been playing a lot of shows lately. We’re in a summer soccer league. As far as I know, he’s fine.”
I breathed out and some of the aching around my heart dissipated. At least there was that.
“What about Ex? Have you talked to her lately?” I knew he hadn’t before he said anything. After what Thalia had told me, I was pretty sure she’d disappeared in the thick of the night.
But I wanted to hear what Phoenix had to say about it, just in case there were pieces he’d picked up that Thalia hadn’t bothered to share.
Since, you know, she was a back-stabbing, horrible witch that had probably already put in the call to Nix.
Phoenix’s shoulders slumped. He stared at his hands as he answered, “I haven’t heard from her in almost as long as I haven’t heard from you. She, uh, moved or something. At least that was what her last text said. She moved out of state.”
My voice was quiet when I asked, “Do you believe her?”
“It was so weird, you know? All of a sudden you were gone. You didn’t show up for school or hang out at the hospital with the rest of us while we waited for Ryder to get better. You were just gone. Nobody seemed to know where you went, even Ryder. But… I don’t know, we all thought maybe it was the addiction again. Kenna thought that was what happened to you before. You just left. Ryder was so beat up. He stayed at the hospital for a week. And then his recovery… Uh, yeah. Exie had been weird for a while already. Distant and, I don’t know, sad. I know her sister died and she was rightfully upset about that, but there was more. She was scared too. I tried to reach out to her, but she shut me out. Then, right before Ryder got out of the hospital, she texted that she was moving to California and I would never see her again.”
“She said California?”
“Yeah.”
I didn’t think Exie really went to California, but it was an interesting response. Growing up, Exie, Sloane and I would always plan these elaborate escapes. We would look at maps of the US or of the world and try to figure out where we would be safest. Exie would always joke that we should go to California because that’s where Malibu Barbie belonged.
I chewed on my lip, wondering if that was some kind of clue. Would she have known to pass something through Phoenix? I was already gone. She couldn’t know if I was ever coming back.
