All the while I kept a tight hold on Kitty. Lydia was sort of wedged between us and by dragging Kitty I effectively dragged her as well. It sounds barbaric, I know. But I did it so lovingly. I am certain everyone thought I was clinging so closely to my sisters because I adore them so much. Just like I am certain everyone thought I was leaving the church in such haste because I could not wait to spend more time with my family, not because I was embarrassed of them. Not at all.
Fine, I cannot say it looked well. But it was certainly better than allowing Mama to speak.
For Christmas dinner I invited the Gardiners. The invitation was very last minute as I had thought they would be going to Longbourn for the holiday. Apparently Mama had told them not to come as she would be coming here. And they never thought to tell me this! The Gardiners, I mean. I am not at all astonished that my parents would surprise me like this. But I had expected better of my aunt and uncle.
Uncle Gardiner's excuse was that he thought he had convinced Mama to stay in Hertfordshire and did not wish to worry me unduly. As if Mama can be prevailed upon not to follow her own wishes when she is determined to do something. And I had been thinking my Uncle Gardiner sensible!
Whatever frustrations I might have felt with them, I was glad to have my aunt and uncle at Darcy House. James and Rebecca Darcy dined with us as well and, because I could not help but feel sorry for her knowing she was all alone, I invited Lady Catherine. I had been hoping very hard she would have some important personage to dine with. She did not. But she was not as terrible as I expected she would be.
She seemed to actually enjoy herself. It made sense, really. She does not find impropriety distressing at all, it assures her of her own superiority and allows her to be offended and distribute unasked for advice. All of these things are pleasurable to her. I did pity her daughter all alone in Kent, but Darcy assured me Miss de Bourgh was no doubt enjoying her time without her overbearing mother. So joy all around.
We were certainly a jolly party. Henrietta and Belinda were given leave to dine with the adults and made quick friends with my two youngest sisters. Mary found in Dora the accomplished, intellectual friend she had always longed for. I do not think my sister understood a word the lady said (Dora was speaking of insects, of course) but it gave hermuch satisfaction to give the appearance of apprehension. Jane and Georgiana talked quietly among themselves most of the evening. James and Rebecca got on well with the Gardiners. Mama got on well with everyone, though everyone did not get on well with her.
Mama focused most of her attention on Lady Catherine, who as I said enjoyed the impropriety a great deal. Unfortunately Mama also seemed determined to make conversation with Mrs. Vane. Unlike Darcy, Mrs. Vane made no pretense of how painful she found conversing with Mama. Honestly she probably deserved to suffer given her treatment of me when I first arrived, but I could not help but cringe internally every time I heard Mama's voice rise above the noise with a question directed her way.
However Mrs. Vane's discomfort caused me little distress compared to Darcy's misery. He hid it well.
He behaved beautifully; welcoming the Gardiners, making conversation with my father, grimacing politely at Mama's nonsense, only rolling his eyes just the once when Lydia and Kitty ran about the room squealing shrilly at Sir Sebastian who had got into an unattended box of sweets. I doubt anyone would have been convinced he was enjoying himself, but no one would have assumed that he would rather have spent the evening pulling out his own eyelashes one by one, which I fear he quite honestly might have preferred.
Thus why I am now waiting to apologize to him. I hurried my maid through my own toilette as to leave Darcy no opportunity to slip off to sleep like he did last night before I could speak to him. Although I would be willing to swear he had not actually been asleep when I entered his room. He had looked far too composed. It wasn't natural. One is meant to look ridiculous when one sleeps—mouth hanging open, limbs flung out in every direction, that sort of thing. Darcy looked like a dignified corpse. Seriously, I considered poking him just to make sure he was alive. As it was I did wave my candle in front of his face several times. He did not stir. However he was breathing so I left him to his playacting.
But tonight he shan't get away with it. He will be apologized to whether he likes it or not.
I have one ear pressed firmly to the adjoining door between our rooms so I will know when he is alone. The moment his valet leaves I am going to charge in there—well, no I will probably knock first because it would be rude not to, but I am not going to wait for him to bid me enter—well, actually of course I am—but the point is—
"Elizabeth?"
Startled at hearing Darcy's voice so very close, I let out a little yelp.
"Elizabeth?" he asked again. This time sounding more concerned than hesitant.
I opened the door to find him standing on the other side. "I was waiting for your valet to leave," I explained.
"I thought you might be. I could see the your feet from the other side of the door."
"Oh, well that's. . . ." Completely mortifying, he probably knew I had been there for several minutes. "Anyway, I wanted to say I'm sorry."
"Sorry?"
"Yes, I'm sorry."
"Whatever for?"
I tried not to look at him like he had gone daft because I am here to apologize. "For my family! For this whole evening! For the last two days, really."
"Your family was . . . fine. I was glad to have met the Gardiners," Darcy replied.
"My aunt and uncle were as charming as ever, but they were not the family I was apologizing for, as you well know."
"Your family was fine," he reiterated. His words were as convincing the second time as they had been the first.
"They weren't as terrible as they could have been which is why I must apologize now before it gets worse. And it will."
"There is no need to apologize at all."
I ignored him. "Your family undoubtedly has holiday traditions that are very organized and sensible and probably do not include chasing around a dog covered in marzipan."
"You will recall that the dog is my family and he most certainly instigated the incident."
