It is one thing to have no regard for his own self-preservation, but what about me? I let the man visit my Garden of Delight. The least he could do is throw my family out in the cold on Christmas Eve.
The rest of yesterday was not so terrible. It helped that the household suffered a veritable epidemic. Jane developed a stomach ache. Georgiana, after a few hours of exposure to my younger sisters' exuberance, found herself suddenly so exhausted she had to go up to her room for a nap; she never returned.
Mrs. Vane found respite in one of her dependably timely headaches. Dora, afflicted with her usual acute case of honesty, simply informed us all she had better things to do and went off to study her beetles. Thus four members of the household were blissfully quarantined and protected from Mama's verbal dysentery.
Lydia and Kitty entertained themselves for quite awhile by going through my new gowns and appraising me of which ones they would like to have similar renditions of made for themselves. They seemed to think I would be purchasing said gowns for them. Mama demanded a tour of the house and bleated on for some time about the prodigiousness of everything, however just before dinner it occurred to her how utterly unmarried Jane remains.
She began berating me for my dreadful performance as a chaperon though she could not help but intersperse this abuse with praise for how lovely the food was and compliments for the quality of the crystal. It took Darcy everything to hold his countenance. He developed a twitch. But he remained civil and I felt even fonder of him than I had when he showed me his rock collection.
When dessert arrived he announced, "Time for riddles," before Mama even had a chance to wax poetic about the custard.
"I herald joy and nourish wisdom. Some equate my value to gold, though once spoken of I am worthless. I can be used to show respect or to cause affront. Many fear me, though the quietest whisper can kill me. What am I?" he asked.
"A little too on the nose," I teased, taking his meaning almost immediately.
He grinned and put a finger to his lips to hush me.
Lydia with a great sigh announced, "Riddles are so dull."
"I will offer a prize to whoever solves first the most of the five riddles I challenge you with. That perhaps will make them more interesting."
Lydia was instantly alert. "What sort of prize?"
"What is a boon to one person may be rubbish to another, therefore I will let the winner select her own prize from any of the many shops on Bond Street."
"Within reason, of course," Darcy added hastily though Lydia was not listening. Reason never applied to her.
"Is the answer silence?" Mary asked cautiously.
"It is, indeed."
Lydia howled. "That one shouldn't count, I hadn't time to think it over."
In the end Mary got three correct, Lydia got two, and I got several minutes reprieve from Mama's haranguing. Kitty, too apt to heed Mama's attempts to help, got none though she seemed perfectly accepting of this outcome.
Lydia was outraged. "Oh drat! What a waste. Mary will probably want a book as her prize." she pouted.
Darcy, in a very ill-advised show of generosity, promised to let Lydia and Kitty each choose a prize as well, "As they had been so diligent in their efforts." But Mary should receive two boons as she had, "proved herself to be the superior riddle solver."
Mama was put in such a good mood by all the excitement she spent the rest of the evening praising Darcy for his cleverness and generosity.
Going to church this morning was another activity that had to be navigated with care. Unfortunately I was not so ingenious as Darcy. However, with much determination and a minimum amount of bruising I managed to extract my family from church without introducing them to anyone.
It was actually very simple. I positioned myself behind Mama as we were leaving the church and anytime she looked likely to halt I prodded her in the back.
Thus we progressed down the aisle glancing at our fellow churchgoers, smiling benevolently, but under no circumstances stopping to chat. Smile. Smile. Nod. Nod. Prod.
"So good to see you."
Prod.
"Lovely service."
Prod.
"Happy Christmas."
Prod.
