"I will carry her," volunteer James.
"No, you find someone to send for the midwife. And you," Mrs. Vane said, turning to her husband, "find somewhere out of the way. I will deal with you later."
"Just put her in my bed, it's closest," I said to Darcy who had just hefted his aunt into his arms and was trying to hide any signs of strain.
"I couldn't take your bed," cried Rebecca.
"Of course you can. It is no trouble at all. I hardly use it," I said, too flustered to be embarrassed by the implications of such a remark.
It took a bit of doing to remove the metal circlet which was supporting the model solar system from Rebecca's waist, but between the three of us and her shouted instructions we managed.
"Nephew, leave," ordered Mrs. Vane once we had accomplished our task, "And keep James out as well. Men are always useless at a birthing."
"I will tell the housekeeper to prepare—what should I tell her to prepare?" I asked Mrs. Vane.
"Extra linens and hot water to start."
Forgoing the bell, I set off down the hall thinking it would be most expedite to go to the housekeeper's room myself. I met Jane as I rounded the corner.
"Rebecca is having her baby in my bedchamber," I explained thinking she had come out to see what all the fuss was about. "Has everyone calmed down?" I knew she had been occupied with settling our mother and our younger sisters, which after such an uproar could have been no easy task.
"Oh, Lizzy, we must raise a search at once. Lydia has run away with Mr. Wickham."
Twenty-Four
6thJanuary, 1812
Late Morning
"You're all ruined. I will never get you off my hands now. Four spinsters! And Jane—so close to catching Mr. Bingley. Thank the Lord Lizzy is married. We shall all have to live with her at Pemberley when your father dies and Mr. Collins turns us out of the house before he is cold in his grave."
Mama had been making helpful little speeches like this for five hours now.
"Do not upset yourself, Mama. Lydia may be getting married as we speak. All might yet be well,"said Jane.
Jane did not understand that all would certainly not be well even if Lydia married Wickham. And marry her he would. He would not be able to resist so perfect an opportunity of exacting revenge on Darcy while making a tidy profit. A perfect opportunity, indeed, and I had provided him with it. I had known what Wickham was, and I had kept that information to myself. This was all my fault.
"This is all your fault, Lizzy," said Mama echoing my thoughts. "If those servants of yours had looked after her better when she was walking that dog, we might have known she was meeting with the villain. And you, Kitty, why did you not tell me at once she was sending him letters? Lydia is a good girl, she never would have done this if she had been properly looked after."
"I'm sorry, Mama," Kitty howled, she had been weeping intermittently since Lydia was discovered missing.
"Do not apologize, Kitty, none of this is your fault," I said (though it certainly would have been nice if she had told someone about Lydia's plans prior to her turning up missing). "I will not tolerate you blaming Kitty or me for you and Papa's failures, Mama."
I know, I know. I had only a moment ago thought is was my fault. And I still thought so. Somewhat. But it was certainly more our parents' fault than mine. I had warned Papaabout Lydia's escapades at the very least. He had never seen fit to rein in her recklessness.
"My failures!" cried Mama with disbelieving rage.
"Yes, yours. Who else but her own parents should be looking after her?" I replied. Suddenly I felt that I had had quite enough of her hysterics for one day. I stood up and exited Mama's bedchamber without taking leave of my mother or sisters.
Why we all always danced attendance on Mama during every one of her fits I did not know. The others could stay there if they wished, I did not feel obligated anymore. In truth, I could not listen to Mama's self-pity because I felt sorry for myself as well. I should not. I should be worried about Lydia. And of course Iwasworried about my foolish youngest sister. She had placed herself at the mercy of a man who had no honor, who had only pursued her for the sake of triumphing over an enemy. There could be no happiness in her future.
However, as concerned about the future of her marriage as I might be, I was also concerned about my own. Darcy would never love me now. How could he, when my connections would bring such shame upon his family name? He had begun to like me, or at least I thought he had, but now. . . . This was a selfish, absurd thing to be thinking about at such a time, but I could not stop myself.
Darcy had set out to search for them immediately, of course. He knew all of Wickham's haunts and promised he would uncover them before the day was out. It should not be difficult. Wickham had every reason to wish to be found, or at least he would once Lydia's ruin was well established.
I found myself outside my own chambers and decided to check on Rebecca's progress. It would perhaps improve my mood to be around someone on the cusp of joy rather than the edge of despair.
When I entered the sitting room I saw James Darcy alone, not looking at all joyful. In fact he looked as though he had been occupying himself by pulling out his own hair out.
