She had always wanted a big family—but she wanted that big family with someone she loved. She didn’t love Alfred.
“Well, that’s justperfectthen,” Violet cooed. “I think you and Alfred should start having kids right away. Women have a clock, you know. We are only fertile for so many years, and being twenty, you are already a few years behind schedule.”
Cora was finding it increasingly difficult to remain diplomatic in the face of all of Violet’s unsolicited advice, but now that she was resigned to her unchangeable situation, she was determined to do her best. She might not be able to change her situation, but she could change her attitude toward it. And eventually, with time, she would be able to let go of her dream of marrying for love.
“But you only had Alfred. Were you unable to have more children?” Cora hoped that talking with Violet about her background, and getting to know her better in the process, would humanize her future mother-in-law. Maybe they could even find some common ground.
Violet let out a deep, dramatic sigh. “Oh, I would have had more babies, but Mr. Mills, Alfred’s father, was so against the idea. If I had had a girl first, I have no doubt we would have had more children until we had a boy. But Alfred was the firstborn, and since he was a boy, he insisted our work was done. Besides, he traveled so much for work that we wouldn’t have had time for more children, anyway.”
Violet traced her finger along the patterns in the tablecloth, and Cora couldn’t help but fixate on how her eyes had grown distant when she spoke of Mr. Mills’ work travels. She wondered how many of these work trips were for legitimate business, and if there was perhaps another reason that Mr. Mills didn’t want more children. Did he perhaps already have other children, or even another family?
“And Mr. Mills, did he pass?” Cora asked softly. She was afraid that the questions she was asking were too personal, but she justified that she had the right to know these details about a family she was marrying into.
“Mr. Mills went to business in London and didn’t return. So, yes, he has passed away. Sadly, we were not able to have a proper funeral for him, as his ship was presumed lost at sea,” Violet spoke crisply, a confidence in her voice as if she had told this story so many times, she hardly had to think about it anymore. But Cora did not believe that Mr. Mills had been lost at sea or even that he was deceased. She suspected that Violet, and likely Alfred, did not believe this story, either.
Cora hesitated before asking her next question. “Do you think Alfred will need to… go away for work often?”
Violet laughed. “My, you’re silly to ask such questions! Alfred is a wealthy man with much business to attend to, so it comes with the territory that he will have to spend some time away. But don’t you worry about that, far fewer ships are being lost at sea now than in the past, and I have no doubt that he will make plenty of time to make babies with you!”
Those weren’t the things Cora was worried about—not in the slightest. However, she let Violet keep talking.
“Speaking of childbearing, I know that you have slender hips now, but this isn’t something you need to be too concerned with just yet. As soon as you are with child, your body will know exactly what to do. Your hips will widen, you’ll start to put on fat, and then after that first child, your body will maintain that shape and the rest will be a breeze.”
Violet’s usual, chipper nature was back now that they were no longer talking about the uncomfortable things from her past, and Cora wished she could be anywhere else having any other conversation than this one. Cora craned her neck in the direction of the sitting room to gather a clue as to whether or not they were done with their revelry, but they seemed to still be going strong. Cora sighed. She started to change the subject, but Violet continued.
“And you should know, Cora, that you are such a beautiful young woman. There is no doubt that between Alfred’s genes and yours, you will make beautiful babies.”
“Well, thank you, Violet,” Cora said, genuinely appreciating the compliment to her looks. “Not too many people have described me as beautiful, so those words mean a lot to me.”
“Well,of courseyou’re beautiful!” Violet cackled. “My son wouldn’t pursue the daughter of the town sheriff if she were homely.”
There it was—she should have known that there had to be a catch to her ‘compliment.’ At that moment, Cora realized that she couldn’t do this. She could not marry someone who, by his mother’s own admission, was only marrying for her looks, for her good child-bearing genes. She had tried to play the part of the obedient daughter who married the man her father had chosen for her. She even started to convince herself that maybe she could marry someone she didn’t initially love, but who she could grow to love later, just as her mother had grown to love her father.
But there was no way she would ever grow to love Alfred Mills, and there was also no way that he would ever see her—trulysee her the way she desired to be seen.
“Cora, dear, are you okay? You look pale?”
Violet’s voice snapped her back to reality, and Cora suddenly jumped up from the table, nearly knocking over the chair behind her. She grabbed the top of the chair to steady it, and then backed up slowly toward the door.
“Cora, where are you going?” Violet asked, her voice more insistent now.
But Cora didn’t answer. She backed slowly toward the door, reaching for the knob from behind. Once she had grasped it, she flung the door open. Violet shrieked after her, her confusion turning to fury as Cora ignored her insistent calls.
She fled to the large oak tree at the end of their property before pausing to reconcile herself with the impulsivity of her action. She didn’t wait long, however. Even from yards away, she could hear commotion from inside the house—Violet’s shrill voice alerting Alfred and her father of her escape and the shuffling of footsteps. When she heard the door creak open, she didn’t wait any longer and took off running into the night. She didn’t know where she was going, as she wasn’t running in any particular direction. She just needed to be away from that house.
After several minutes, Cora slowed her run to a brisk walk, nursing a stitch in her side while listening for the sound of her father’s horse. She didn’t want to stop running, wanting to put as much distance between her and her father’s house as possible, but the cramp was too painful to run through any longer. She wondered if she could find a quiet place to rest and hide when she realized that, subconsciously, she had run straight to Pastor Burns’ church.
She sat on the log that she and Roy had once shared so many lunches together, trying to catch her breath. Cora wasn’t used to running long distances, and she wasn’t sure how much further she could go. Thankfully, the night was silent other than fireflies and the occasional hoot from an owl. She felt protected, immersed in God’s creation, as if their sounds and the cloak of night would shield her from harm.
That’s when she looked up and noticed the front of the church. The overgrown weeds had been replaced with a beautiful garden of multicolored flowers and neatly-trimmed bushes, just like the ones that had adorned the front of the church before Pastor Burns fell sick. Through the dark sky, the brightness of the fresh coat of white paint was illuminated, so the church now stood not as a dilapidated structure but as a beacon in the night. Even the welcome sign in front of the church had been repainted, the replenished garden a complimentary backdrop.
Cora’s eyes welled with tears, but this time they were tears of overwhelming gratitude. She knew who was responsible for this transformation, and she knew there was no way she could let him go without a fight.
Standing up from the log, Cora took off running again. This time, she knew where she was running to.
Chapter Twenty-Six
That evening Roy sat on the porch of his father’s house, savoring these last few opportunities to enjoy this view before the house was sold. He imagined sitting on the porch of his new ranch and the new view that waited for him, but he felt a pang in his heart at the idea of starting that life without Cora by his side.
