Indeed, Isla’s stomach was churning, and she was dizzy from the ugly musings swirling around in her head. She took a deep breath, trying to get ahold of herself.
Allowing her mind to drag herself in so many directions at once was no help to her, she knew. There was no way of knowing what the future would hold, and no way of avoiding it without calling off the union, which she was not inclined to do now that she was getting to know Alex better. Besides, she would be unable to produce any convincing excuse to cancel the marriage, and doing so might put her clan at odds with the Oliphants.
No, there was simply nothing for it but for her to proceed and hope for a happy outcome, even if she was currently having trouble imagining one.
“It is kind of you tae ask,” she said, forcing a smile. “I’m well enough, I suppose… though perhaps I could do with a bit of fresh air, after being in the castle all day.”
“Fair enough,” he replied, “though you must forgive me if I’m nae in a great hurry tae venture out to the training pitch again. I’m nae entirely certain they’d be eager tae see me again so soon. Particularly Callum.”
She laughed, beginning to relax a bit more. The future she simultaneously wished for and dreaded started to seem further away.
“In that case, shall we ride again?” she suggested.
“That sounds like a splendid idea!” he answered, clapping his hands briskly. “Come, let us away tae the stables!”
They selected the same horses they’d taken before, and this time, Alex invited Isla to lead the way. She could tell that he meant to test her, to see how much she’d been paying attention the last time they’d ventured out together.
She supposed she ought to have been annoyed at being tested, but there was a part of her that was thrilled by the prospect of impressing him. So she gamely rode the same path he’d taken her on previously, past the thriving villages and prosperous farms. She was even more impressed by the sweeping sights of the Oliphant lands this time than she had been before.
Would she soon help him to rule over this magnificent place and its industrious people? The thought of it was magical, but somewhat overwhelming too. She hoped that the members of this clan would come to like and respect her.
If they had the opportunity to do so, of course. If the wedding night…
But she did all she could to banish those thoughts once more. They would not serve her on that golden afternoon.
At last, they found a secluded valley and decided to give their horses a chance to rest. Alex appeared deeply impressed with her ability to retrace their path from before.
Isla decided that since it seemed as though he was pleased with her—for the moment, at least—she ought to use that to get a bit closer to him. That way, she might be in a better position to guess at his reaction if they were married and consummated that union.
“You have said that you would prefer the respect of those around you, rather than their fear,” she began in what she hoped was a casual tone. The last thing she wished to do was provoke him and ruin such a beautiful day together. “Is that true?”
He frowned, and she worried that she might have erred. “You believe that I would spout falsehoods?”
“Not intentionally,” she continued carefully. “I only ask because you appear tae struggle with understanding your own desires and motives, based upon our previous conversation.”
He considered that for a moment, and his expression softened. “Aye, that’s true enough, I suppose. Very well. In that case: Aye, I would much prefer tae be respected than feared.”
“In that case,” she went on, “I believe that ‘twould only be fair for me tae speak certain truths to you, and freely if possible, rather than holding them back and cowering for fear of your reaction to them.”
Now he appeared curious, not angry—which was a relief to her. “That seems sensible tae me… so long as these ‘truths’ are put forth with kindness and civility, rather than in a shrewish or demanding tone.”
“That, too, is sensible,” she agreed. “In that case, I ought to tell you frankly: The more I spend with you, the more I believe that our marriage might well be a happy one. I feel you are a good man, and you seem to be a great leader, devoted to your people as any laird should be.”
Alex raised an eyebrow. “I appreciate you softening the blow, but I’d just as soon it landed, if it’s all the same tae you.”
Isla grinned ruefully. “I would only add, Laird Alex, that the respect you wish for must be earned with measured and circumspect responses tae the errors of others. Iknowyou strive for perfection, and demand likewise from those around you,” she added quickly, seeing his nostrils flare defensively at her words. “I understand that this comes from wanting your clan to be the best that it can be in all possible ways. I realize that the pressures you place on yourself are equal to those you place on your soldiers and servants. But speaking for myself, I cannae be wed tae one who will make me constantly afraid of making mistakes, and the temper that will rise in you from doing so. For no one is genuinely capable of perfection, I assure you… not me, andnot you either. You must learn not tae be nearly so rigid in such matters. If you can learn tae let go a bit, I promise that you will begin tae see the respect you crave in the eyes of those around you.”
He fell silent at this, and looked toward the nearby hilltop for a while, as though he expected to see some grand ideal of himself, free from all flaws, standing atop it like a statue. He appeared vaguely distressed, but to his credit, he did not seem angry.
That was promising, at least.
He stood that way for some time, gathering his thoughts. Then he turned to her again, and though his expression was stoic, there was a quiet anguish in his eyes. “You have spoken truth tae me,” he said softly, “and so I shall do the same, though the admission of it pains me.”
Isla reached out, taking his hand in hers gently. “Whatever you must confess, know that you are safe tae do so with me.”
Inwardly, she hoped that she might hear those same words from him someday soon, and that if spoken, he would mean them.
“I… worry that I may be incapable of doing as you’ve said,” he went on slowly. “That I am too frightened of failure, and too set in my moods, tae change in that regard.”
