Isla quickly became overcome with ennui, however, at passing by the same sights she’d already taken in several times before. More and more, she found herself wondering what Alex might be up to, and wishing he could stroll alongside her.
She was in desperate need of a proper distraction, and it did not take long at all for her to look longingly toward the library.
There was a part of her, of course, which worried that Alex might be displeased with her if he learned that she’d returned to that room after the damage she had previously caused. The last thing she wanted to do now was anger him again, given how friendly their previous encounter had been. Things between them seemed promising, and she wished to keep them that way.
Her boredom was more than she could bear, though, and soon she began to talk herself into entering the library after all.
It wasn’t as though she’d be doing anything that might injure more of his prized possessions, was it? She had no intention of bringing wine into the room, or anything else which might spill and cause trouble. She did not intend to handle any of the objects within either. In fact, she didn’t even really need to touch anything whatsoever, did she? She could simply survey the spines of the books, so that she might make a mental list of what she’d ask permission to read later.
And what if she did take down a book or two, and flip through its pages—with the utmost care? As long as she kept them perfectly preserved, he’d never need to know about it, would he?
So she resolved to pass the time in the library, took a deep breath—as though preparing to plunge into a pool that was cold and deep—and entered.
The room was even larger and more breathtaking than she remembered.
Isla spent the next two hours marveling at the extensive collection, gently running her fingertips along the displayed books and occasionally taking one down to scan its pages furtively. She was so engrossed that she did not hear Alex walk in.
He stood for several seconds, watching her with a merry twinkle in his eye. Finally, he spoke up: “Are you enjoying yourself, Lady Isla?”
She was so startled that she let out a sharp yelp and dropped the book in her hands. When she saw who had spoken to her, her eyes widened. Mortified, she immediately picked the book up again, dusting it off and placing it in its proper spot.
“I apologize!” she assured him breathlessly. “I didnae mean to upset you, I shall leave at once…”
“Nay, ‘tis all right,” he replied, amused. “I meant to tell you before that you are still welcome to use this room whenever you wish.”
She blushed slightly. “I am most grateful, Laird Alex. I would have assumed that, after my disastrous turn the last time we were in here…”
“My reaction was disproportionate and bellicose,” he interjected ruefully. It was not difficult to see that this was a man unaccustomed to acknowledging his own bad behavior, let alone apologizing for it. “You meant no harm.”
“Even so,” she groaned, “I did ruin your favorite part of your collection. I am glad enough tae see you, though, since I was told you’d be occupied for the entire day.”
He shrugged lightly. “There were some things which required my immediate attention, and others which I chose tae put off so that I might look in on you. I regretted my inability tae join you at supper last night, and didnae wish for you tae consider me a disagreeable host, especially after the last time we were both in this room.”
“Were you able to salvage the map, at least?”
Alex guffawed, then went to the shelf which held the map and took it down. He unrolled it, showing it to her. It was intact, though the stain was certainly noticeable, as it had soaked into roughly a third of its surface.
She cringed. “Och, how ghastly!”
“Really?” He made a show of peering at it quizzically. “I’d say it livens it up a bit, wouldn’t you? I could always pretend that thecrimson parts of the map indicate dangers which ought tae be avoided!”
That drew a relieved laugh from her. He’d shown her a softer side of himself already, but she hadn’t been prepared for him to have a sense of humor, and she was overjoyed to see that he possessed one after all.
Seeing him like this—so unguarded and approachable for a change—made the prospect of their impending nuptials far more real to her than it had previously been, and she found herself overwhelmed by the immensity of that notion.
Particularly the wedding night.
Yes, she had caught herself fantasizing about what it would be like when the two of them were naked together as husband and wife for the first time. She imagined running her fingers through his blonde hair and stroking his muscular form to her heart’s content. She thought about how marvelously thrilling it would be for him to carry her to the bed, to lay her down and do as he pleased with her. She had no doubt that he would have far more prowess and substance than her first lover had…
Ah, but that thought made her mind stop short, like a wagon with its wheel caught deep in a mud hole.
Because the fact remained that once she had given herself to Alex, he’d almost certainly know that he was not the first man she’d ever been with. And wasn’t that a crucial element in arranged marriages such as these? Wouldn’t he feel, upon discovering this unpleasant truth, that he had been cheated? That the promise of a bride with her maidenhead intact had been implied, and thus broken?
What if she did all she could to make herself appealing to him in the time leading up to their wedding, she wondered? Might that soften the blow when it came, make him more inclined to be understanding and forgiving?
Or might it make him feel all the more betrayed? Might he falsely believe that the charm and attentiveness she’d shown him had all been some sort of act so he would not lose his temper with her when the moment of truth came?
“Are you ill, Lady Isla?” Alex inquired, leaning in to look at her more closely. “You’ve suddenly become quite pale.”
