“They weren’t your debts, as far as I could tell. It was all for your sister and Charlie.” She squeezed my arm. “Don’t ever ask me about this again! You’re my friend, like a sister!” She winked at me. “Right? And I almost killed you with my car. So we’re even!”
“Thank you, Annie. You can’t understand what this means for Charlie and me. It’s…freedom. Thank you.” No matter what she had said, we would never be even. It was the most generous thing I had ever seen. I decided to work twice as hard volunteering for the Sharks, to try to make it up to her a little.
After practice, Charlie and I went to the beach with Danny Bob, who was now his near-constant companion. Neither of us were ready to go home yet. We were quiet, sitting on the cold sand in the waning sun.
“Do you miss my mom?” he asked, out of the blue.
“Yes.Do you?”
He was quiet.
“You know, it’s ok if you don’t right now. It’s been hard with your mom sick, and not so fun to be around.” And theproblems between Cassie and Charlie had really begun before he was even born. “I think it would be normal if you were feeling, I don’t know, maybe a little relieved?”
He looked at me. “Now she’s resting in peace, right? That’s what Father Becker said. She won’t be so mad. And she and daddy won’t fight anymore, at least.”
I rubbed his back. No matter what, I was going to make things better for Charlie.
I hired a sitter, now that I could afford one, and went back to Roy’s over Charlie’s strenuous objections. I still needed to work. Luke had called, Tara had called. I was busy, so I didn’t get back to them right away. I saw Tara at swim once, but I had to go running. I had to stay healthy for Charlie.
Giving back Milos’ car was first on my list of things to do, but I needed one of my own, first. I was searching for one on the phone that I was also going to replace when Martha looked over my shoulder.
“A used Taurus?” she asked skeptically. “What’s the matter with the car you’re driving?”
“It’s not mine,” I explained. “I need to stop depending on other people for everything, like cars and phones and babysitting. We’re on our own now and I have to start acting like an adult.”
Martha stared at me. “You’ve never acted like a child, as far as I can tell.”
I thought of how I had fallen apart when Cassie died, almost collapsing at the Mass, letting other people buy me groceries and even clothes to wear to the funeral. Crying all over Luke, falling asleep sitting at his kitchen table so that he had to carryme to bed. I couldn’t even pay my own bills. I had been an idiot. “I’m going to be responsible for Charlie and me from now on.” She kept looking at me while I went back to combing through car listings.
That Friday night Luke and Tara both came into Roy’s and sat together at a table. Tara looked as if she had smelled something bad, and Luke just looked ticked. I dragged my feet, not wanting to go near their table. Finally I approached them.
“Hi guys,” I said brightly. “Tara, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in here before.” That was for sure. “Can I get you anything?”
“Cut the crap, Emily Louisa,” she told me. “We’re here to wait you out. You can’t avoid us, got it?”
I turned on my heel and walked to the next table, shaking a little. Avoiding them, whatever that meant.
True to her word, at the end of the night, Tara and Luke were still at the table, now looking more tired and resigned. Roy made them leave while we did our cursory clean-up. “We’ll be outside,” Luke told me ominously. I took as long as I could sweeping, until Roy finally told me to get the hell out.
They were in the parking lot. “Let’s take your car,” Luke said, walking to the driver’s side.
“It’s your car,” I corrected him. “Milos’ car.”
He tensed. “Tara, we’ll meet you at Emily’s house.”
Luke didn’t speak a word as we drove back to Nana’s. I looked out the window. They had no reason to be angry at me, I told myself. I had thanked them both for their help. I was just trying to make it on my own.
We pulled in, and Luke paid the babysitter before I could even reach for my wallet. He took my hand, and led me to the kitchen table, where we waited in silence for Tara. She arrived, went straight to the fridge for a beer, then also sat down to look at me. I felt like an ant in an ant farm.
“Yes?” I finally asked.
“Why are you acting like this?” Luke asked. “Why are you avoiding Tara and me?”
“I’m not!” I protested. “I’ve just been busy. I think it’s really strange that you would come to Roy’s and wait there, by the way.”
“I’ve called you and texted you. I tried to talk to you at the NGS,” Luke reminded me. “You told me you couldn’t take a break. As if Martha Engstrom is some kind of slave driver over you.”
“And I tried to talk to you at swim,” Tara reminded me. “You literally ran away.”
