But I couldn’t.
I lived the consequences of every decision my mother had made.
I knew better.
I wouldn’t make her mistakes.
“But trust me when I say …” I whispered. “All I want to do is kiss you.”
“Listen to me. Listen to every word I’m about to tell you.” His tone was at its deepest, but it wasn’t loud. “Nothing will happen to you. I will guarantee that. You can put your lips anywhere on me, and Charred will be your employer for as long as you want it to be. I’ll put that in writing if you want me to.”
“I …” I shook my head. And when that didn’t feel like enough, I tilted it back like I was swallowing a pill. It was as though I was trying to push his reply into my body. “I don’t know.”
“You’re not going anywhere, Alivia.” He lifted my hand to his face, pressing his nose against the back of my palm, his mouth going to my knuckles. “In fact, Rachel has been so impressed with how well you’ve been doing that she’s promoting you to a server next week. She told me that a few days ago. I had nothing to do with it.”
“What?”
His brows lifted. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes, but …” How could I describe this to him? How could I tell him how I felt? Some could just put those words into the universe, but I couldn’t. The universe hadn’t been the kindest to me. And aside from Lex, I’d never had anyone to talk to. “My life hasn’t been this magical dream that’s full of unicorns and rainbows. Not even close. What it really looks like is a compilation ofthings I’ve feared that have ultimately come true and event after event that have taught me the hardest lessons in life.”
I held the tears back as I went quiet, but they were there. And they could fall at any second. “So, when I hear something like this—something that’s actually good—I immediately think of the bad that will happen to offset it.”
I didn’t want to talk about Dean. I didn’t want to talk about the men before him. I didn’t want to talk about the homes we’d lived in or the cars we’d slept in or how I could never find my footing in any of the schools I had gone to because I wasn’t there long enough—things I’d touched on with him, but not gone into detail. I was either cleaning up my mother or hiding behind the door from the men she was with—that was mostly what my life had looked like for twenty-three years.
I said instead, “So, while I hear you say I’m getting a promotion, it’s hard for me to see how amazing that is without instantly questioning what horrible thing is also going to happen.”
“Alivia …” I’d never heard his voice so soft. “I beg you, don’t let that even cross your mind.”
His hands surrounded my face, and I let myself, for just a small moment, lean into his palm and close my eyes and take in the feel of his protectiveness.
Oh God, it feels so good.
“Even if I did kiss you, it wouldn’t end there, Walker. You would have my clothes off in seconds, and tomorrow morning, I’d wake up and wonder what the hell I’d done.” I rubbed the center of my stomach, the pain inside peaking as I stared into his beautiful green eyes. “I’d want more. And I’d show up here for my shift, knowing the man I’d given my body to last night didn’t want the same. I can’t?—”
“You’re wrong.”
I pushed deep into the side of my ribs. “No. You told me not to have any expectations. You told me you’re stretched far too thin?—”
“I told you that before I had any idea what kind of power you possess. I told you that after two nights of ravishing your body, and at the time, that was all I wanted and all I could think about. I don’t feel that way now.” Still gripping my cheeks, he brought me in a little closer. “Since you started at this restaurant, you’ve made me feel things I didn’t know I wanted, that I didn’t know I was even ready for. Alivia …” He put his forehead on mine. “Aside from my family, you’re the only thing that has brought me happiness in such a long time.”
His admission rocked through me.
The hurt that churned in my stomach came to a halt.
“What are you saying, Walker? Are you telling me … you want more too?”
He pulled away just enough so that we could lock eyes. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
“But—”
“There are no buts. This is how I feel, and nothing will change that. There is no negative, no bad to offset the good.” He squeezed me harder. “You have to believe that.”
The first tear dripped over my eyelid, and he caught it.
“But what if you learn things you don’t like?”
“What ifyoulearn things about me that you don’t like? Ask anyone in this fucking restaurant—I’m not an easy man to get along with. I’m insufferable, remember?” He smiled. “As you said yourself, I’m a dick.”
